It began, like all great tragedies and comedies in Jin's life, with boobs. And not just any boobs—Fairy Ling's. Or more specifically, the sacred undergarments that hugged them like the will of heaven itself.
Jin had merely been relaxing that morning, sprawled on a jade boulder like a sunbathing toad, wondering whether it was possible to invent a cultivation technique based purely on perverted thoughts when Ruoyan had arrived, tossing a scroll into his lap like it was a flaming chicken leg.
"Read this," she said. "It's urgent."
Jin cracked one eye open. "Unless it's a menu or a marriage proposal from the Fairy Queen, I'm not reading anything before noon."
"It's from the Sect Leader," she said. "And no, it's not another marriage proposal. You blew that last time when you tried to fondle her phoenix."
"It was a real phoenix! It bit me!"
"Because you tried to milk it."
Jin unrolled the scroll, instantly regretting his decision when the words EMERGENCY PANTY RAID were written in blood-red ink across the top. Below it read:
> To all disciples: a sacred artifact has been stolen! The Seven-Colored Celestial Brassiere of Fairy Ling has vanished from the Heavenly Lingerie Vault! This is a Sect-level emergency. All able-bodied disciples must assist in the search. Also, if anyone finds Jin, slap him. We assume he did it.
"What the hell?" Jin yelled. "Why do they always blame me?!"
Ruoyan just stared at him. "Did you?"
"I swear on Fairy Ling's boobs, I did not steal her holy bra."
"…You swear on what now?"
"I said what I said."
Moments later, the sect was in full chaos. Sirens wailed (actually, it was Elder Wu making "woo-woo" sounds with a conch shell). Disciples ran through the courtyards with scrolls and sketchpads, frantically drawing suspect sketches that somehow all looked like Jin in different wigs.
A bounty was declared. Ten thousand spirit stones and one night in Fairy Ling's flower garden—for whoever returned the brassiere.
Jin had never seen the sect more motivated. Even the old janitor with one leg and no cultivation was digging through trash cans muttering, "I'll find that tit-sling if it's the last thing I do."
To make matters worse, Fairy Ling herself was floating above the main pavilion, hair aflame with righteous fury, yelling:
"Whoever touched my Divine Bosom Binder will experience eternal nipple numbness!"
Jin clutched his own chest protectively. "That's the worst curse I've ever heard."
Fairy Ling scanned the crowd, eyes landing on him like thunder made of estrogen.
"You!" she shrieked. "You perverted little mongoose! You're always near the laundry! Always sniffing things that don't belong to you!"
"That's circumstantial evidence and you know it!" Jin protested. "Besides, I only sniff things that fall in my lap naturally!"
Just then, a wayward breeze fluttered through the courtyard—and something landed in his lap.
A silk strap.
Pink.
Lacy.
Still warm.
The silence was biblical.
Even the crickets stopped chirping.
Fairy Ling pointed an accusing finger. "THIEF!"
Jin panicked. "IT'S A TRAP! THE SYSTEM'S FRAMING ME!"
[Ding! New Quest: Escape death by boobs. Reward: Panty Detection Technique (Passive).]
"Oh, now you give me that?!"
And thus, began the greatest escape of Jin's life.
He leapt over a group of laundry disciples, dodging fairy lights and sword slashes like a man possessed. Ruoyan sighed and joined in, reluctantly saving his ass from three spiritual nets, two love-struck assassin nuns, and a duck trained in groin pecking.
"You know," she panted beside him, "this would be a great bonding activity if we weren't being hunted like perverted rabbits!"
Jin grinned. "At least I'm finally being chased by women—it's a dream come true!"
"Not when they're all trying to neuter you!"
They crashed through the bamboo forest, skidding into an abandoned hot spring shaped like a peach. Jin dove into the steaming waters, thinking he could hide.
Bad idea.
Within seconds, his entire body lit up with spiritual warmth. The water was full of lingering Qi from bathing senior fairies.
"Oh no," he groaned. "I'm absorbing... girl energy."
Ruoyan peeked in. "You okay?"
"I think I just awakened... the Nipple Path."
"You what?!"
"My Qi's concentrating weirdly! It's all... soft and jiggly and centered in my chest!"
Ruoyan looked him up and down. "Your nipples are glowing."
Jin looked down. They were.
"Do... do I have boob cultivation now?"
"No," said a deep voice. "But you're halfway there."
They turned to see an ancient woman dressed in nothing but leaves and tattoos, floating serenely in the spring mist.
"The hell are you?" Jin gasped.
"I am Elder Granny Double-D," she said. "Founder of the Heavenly Bust Technique. You, young man, are the first male to awaken the Jiggle Meridian in over nine centuries."
Ruoyan whispered, "This just got very weird."
Granny Double-D extended a finger. "Do you accept the path of the sacred bust? To wield the arts of Heavenly Honking and Divine Cleavage Compression?"
Jin blinked. "...Will it help me escape Fairy Ling's wrath?"
"Only if you master the final move: The Mammary Mirage."
"I'm in."
Thus began Jin's emergency training under the bustiest ancient cultivator the realm had ever known.
By the time he emerged from the spring, his body glowed with a gentle warmth, and his nipples could detect spiritual fluctuations up to 100 meters.
Ruoyan watched him wobble slightly as he walked. "You look... bouncier."
"I feel bouncier. But also powerful."
"Just don't fall over from your own momentum."
Suddenly, the skies cracked open. Fairy Ling had found them.
"Give me back my sacred support garment, you nipple thief!"
"Wait!" Jin yelled. "I can prove I'm not the thief! My new powers... they can smell guilt!"
He pointed to the sect's oldest turtle, lazily munching cabbage nearby.
"That turtle... is the true thief!"
Silence again.
Fairy Ling squinted. "That's Shellington. He's 900 years old and senile."
Shellington burped—and out from his shell popped a lacy bra, wrapped around a glowing spiritual herb.
The crowd gasped.
Fairy Ling's rage paused. "That... that's my Divine Brassiere!"
Jin raised his hands triumphantly. "See?! Told you it wasn't me!"
Fairy Ling looked conflicted. Then sighed. "Fine. You're innocent."
Jin grinned. "So... how about a reward? Maybe... a peek?"
She slapped him so hard he rotated into next week.
Jin woke up in the herb garden, face-down in a bed of aphrodisiac mushrooms. That was unfortunate.
Even more unfortunate: his face was currently being licked by a spiritual goat in heat.
"Bro," Jin muttered as he pushed the overly affectionate beast away. "This is not the first thing I want to feel after getting slapped into orbit by a celestial boob master."
[Ding! Passive Skill Activated: Lustful Livestock Repellent.]
A wave of Qi pulsed from his skin, sending the goat flying off like it had been hit with a spiritual cattle prod.
Jin sat up groggily, his spiritual garments now stained with mushroom spores and... questionable goat fluids.
"System," he grumbled, "give me a status update. And not one that ends with 'you're screwed.'"
[Ding! Status Update: You are definitely screwed.]
"Thanks for the vote of confidence, buddy."
[However, you've unlocked a new side quest: 'Milking the Boob Path.' Objective: Master the final three secret arts of the Heavenly Bust Sect before sundown.]
"Three?" Jin blinked. "You want me to learn three tit techniques in one day?"
[Reward: Instant Cultivation Boost, One Random Bra of Destiny, and a Blessed Crotch Guard.]
"…That last one sounds like it'll save my life."
He leapt to his feet, ignoring the sprouting fungi in his pants, and dashed toward the hidden grotto Granny Double-D had once mentioned—the Valley of Jiggling Secrets.
He had to pass through the Cultivation Market first, where sect disciples were haggling over spiritual toys and thigh-enhancing pills. Jin tried to sneak through discreetly, but fate was not on his side.
"Oh look!" cried an alchemy girl. "It's the Nipple Cultivator!"
Dozens of heads turned.
"Hey, pervy senior!"
"Can you jiggle on command?"
"Make my Qi bounce, senpai!"
Jin ran.
He narrowly escaped with his modesty intact, though he may or may not have accidentally squeezed past a harem of pill maidens carrying buckets of scented oils. One left with a glazed look and whispered, "His nipples... they whispered the Dao to me."
Eventually, Jin reached the grotto, which, like everything else in Xuanjing Realm, was shaped like a curvaceous body part. This one resembled two mountains pressed together like cleavage.
Naturally.
Inside, Granny Double-D awaited him, floating on a cloud shaped like a cushiony bosom.
"Welcome back, student," she said. "Time is short. To master the sacred art, you must endure three trials."
"Lay them on me," Jin said. "Boob me up."
She frowned. "You will not survive if you speak like that."
"Sorry, sorry. I mean—please enlighten me with thy bosomy wisdom."
"…Better."
Trial One: The Slap of One Thousand Bounces.
Granny summoned a series of phantom palms. They were all huge. And jiggling.
"These are the ghostly hands of all past busty cultivators," she explained. "You must endure their slaps without releasing a single moan."
"Wait, why would I moan?"
The first slap landed.
SMACK.
"OHHHHHHHHHHHHH—" Jin bit his tongue.
They came from all directions. The ghost hands slapped his face, his thighs, even his left butt cheek (which had never been so awake). Each slap came with a sensual shockwave, like being spanked by the Dao itself.
He whimpered. He screamed. He begged for his ancestors. But he endured.
"Pass," Granny nodded. "Though you sound like a duck giving birth."
"Quack you."
Trial Two: The Dance of the Twin Peaks.
Jin was handed two enormous jugs filled with spiritual milk. He was told to balance them on his head and shoulders while performing the 'Jade Temptation Dance,' a sacred booty jiggle that had once seduced an entire demonic army into surrender.
Jin had no dance skills. But his hips, trained by years of accidental perversion and dodging angry women, moved with a rhythm no man had ever seen.
He twirled. He shook. He twerked like a spiritual stripper.
Granny wept. "By the heavens... he is the One."
"Call me the Tittivator," Jin whispered, sweat glistening.
"You will not."
Trial Three: The Final Technique – Mammary Mirage.
This was the ultimate defense move. By channeling all his Qi into his chest, Jin could create a series of spiritual illusions—giant phantom bosoms to distract, confuse, and dazzle opponents.
"But how do I know it's working?" Jin asked.
"Simple. Show me."
He took a deep breath, summoned every ounce of his cultivated shame, and unleashed his power.
A hundred spiritual boobs burst into being, each bouncing in place, glowing with the light of righteousness and lust.
Granny Double-D fainted.
Even the nearby sect squirrels ran away covering their eyes.
[Ding! Congratulations! You have learned: Mammary Mirage – Level MAX. Your jiggly illusions now generate a 50% confusion aura in all perverts within 200 meters.]
Jin laughed like a madman. "I am... invincible."
Unfortunately, his celebration was cut short.
A scroll shot through the air, piercing his illusion and smacking him in the face.
He opened it.
From the Sect Leader:
> "Dear Jin,
You're now the prime suspect in a new heist.
The entire sect's panties have gone missing.
Again.
And this time... the thief left a note.
It just said: 'Boob this.'
Sect Leader"
Jin's eyes widened.
"What... the actual jiggling hell."
Ruoyan appeared behind him, panting. "You idiot! Someone's framing you again!"
"I didn't do it!"
"I know," she said. "Because while you were out learning tit techniques, I found a clue."
She held up a long, silky thread.
"Who's it from?" Jin asked.
Ruoyan narrowed her eyes. "Only one person in the realm uses Spiritual Lingerie Thread that smells like plum blossoms and regret."
Jin gasped. "No... not her..."
Ruoyan nodded grimly. "Yes. The Underwear Demoness of the Eastern Panty Wastes... Lady Silkthief."
Jin gulped. "She's back."
Ruoyan handed him a letter that had been pinned to a tree with a bra clasp.
> "Dear My Nipple Nemesis,
You've grown stronger... jiggly, even.
But can your boobs match mine?
Meet me at midnight. In the Valley of Lewd Echoes.
Winner gets the panties. Loser wears the chastity seal.
xoxo, Silkthief"
Jin's legs shook.
"I'm going to need... every inch of my boob path power."
"And a jockstrap blessed by Buddha himself."
The moon rose like a voyeuristic uncle over the Valley of Lewd Echoes, a place where every moan, slap, and suggestive grunt from the last thousand years echoed through time like perverted ghosts trying to ASMR each other to death.
Jin stood at the center of the valley, shirtless, chest glowing with the phantom jiggle energy of his newly acquired Mammary Mirage Technique. Beside him, Ruoyan wore a tight-fitting combat robe that screamed "I'm here to kick ass and giggle afterward."
Opposite them floated the infamously busty and dangerously seductive villainess known only as Lady Silkthief. She wore an outfit that barely qualified as clothing—more like a bra that had lost a duel with a ribbon and a skirt stitched from stolen panties.
"Jin Jin," she purred, stroking a pair of silk whips. "So good to see your nipples have grown... bolder."
"You framed me for panty larceny!" Jin accused.
Silkthief sniffed. "Please. You'd leave a trail of spiritual drool if you were the real thief. I'm an artist. You're just a flailing nipple dork with a soft spot for jiggly justice."
"Hey!" Jin pointed a finger, glowing with Qi. "I may be a flailing nipple dork, but I fight with honor!"
"That's adorable," Silkthief cooed, "now dodge this."
She cracked her whip.
It extended like a lascivious dragon, twisting midair and targeting Jin's waistband with precision that could only come from years of training in Binding Arts: Erotic Subdual Path.
Jin ducked, cartwheeled, and accidentally face-planted into Ruoyan's… assets.
"GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THERE!" she shrieked.
"IT WAS A TACTICAL DIVE!"
Silkthief burst into laughter. "You two are better than theater."
Ruoyan snarled. "You're going down, panty pirate!"
"Come on then," Silkthief smirked, "I'll tie you up first."
She vanished.
Jin's instincts screamed, but it was too late—he found his wrists bound in silky cords, suspended upside down like a perverted piñata. Ruoyan leapt forward, her palms glowing, launching Thunderous Palm of Rejected Maidens!
Silkthief dodged, effortlessly twisting through the air and yanking Jin by the ankle, swinging him like a human flail.
WHAP! Jin hit Ruoyan.
WHACK! He smacked a tree.
BOP! He struck a squirrel that would never trust humans again.
"STOP USING ME AS A MEAT NUNCHAKU!" Jin wailed.
But Ruoyan caught him midair and ripped the silken bonds free with a swing of her sword. They landed, panting, back-to-back.
"I got a plan," Jin whispered.
"Does it involve your nipples again?"
"...Maybe."
Ruoyan sighed. "Fine. Just go. Do the thing."
Jin charged forward, unleashing the full might of the Mammary Mirage!
Suddenly, the valley filled with a hundred bouncing, glowing spirit bosoms—bigger than elephants, wobblier than waterbeds in a hurricane.
Silkthief froze, distracted.
"What in the name of heavenly jugs—!?"
Jin took advantage.
Using his new footwork—Pervert's Wind-Step—he zipped forward, appearing right behind her, one palm raised in pure focus.
Secret Art: Heaven-Piercing Nipple Flick!
He flicked her.
Right between the... well, you know.
"OH?!"
Silkthief twitched, gasped, then collapsed to her knees. "You... you found the weak point... of my Silk Core..."
Jin stood over her, victorious.
"Give me back the sect's underwear."
She pouted. "Fine. But only because your nipples were... emotionally persuasive."
She tossed a storage ring at his feet.
"Also," she added, licking her lips, "you owe me a rematch. One-on-one. Naked."
"NOTED," Jin said quickly, turning beet red.
[Quest Completed!]
[Ding! Reward Received: The Blessed Crotch Guard of Immovable Dao.]
[+200 Defense against Nut-Based Attacks.]
[Also gained: The Bra of Destiny (Bound).]
Ruoyan walked over and kicked him lightly in the shin. "You were supposed to protect the sect's dignity. Not flick nipples into submission."
He grinned. "It was very effective."
She groaned. "We need to go before someone else thinks you're the damn pervert again."
They returned to the sect to a cheering crowd. Turns out, Jin's performance had been secretly broadcast across the entire realm via a rogue spiritual snail.
He was now officially known as "Jin the Jug Justice Cultivator."
That night, he lay on his bed, arms behind his head, gazing at the stars.
"System, what's next?"
[Ding! Incoming Transmission.]
[A new challenger has appeared.]
[Title: The Lecherous Monk of the Western Wetlands.]
[Challenge: A duel of innuendos, jiggling, and soul-level dirty jokes.]
"Oh... it's on."