Jin was not expecting to wake up to a battlefield.
Especially not a battlefield covered in rose petals, torn undergarments, and a suspicious amount of baby oil.
"Wake up, Jin! The bed's under siege!" Ruoyan screamed, slapping him with a pair of silk panties.
Jin sat up groggily, his hair a mess, face buried between two suspiciously soft pillows—wait. Nope. That was Fairy Ling's chest. Again.
"Are we being attacked by assassins? Demonic beasts?" he asked, blinking.
"Worse," Fairy Ling groaned, rubbing her temples. "It's the start of the Great Harem Sect War."
"...Come again?"
Ruoyan pointed out the window, where dozens of flying ships, banners, and cultivators filled the sky. Every flag had a suggestive symbol: peaches, melons, swords dripping with ambiguous dew, and one flying dildo.
"They're here to claim you," she said grimly.
"Claim me? What am I, a sausage at an auction?"
"Yes," Ruoyan and Ling answered in unison.
As Jin stepped out onto his balcony, a voice thundered from a skyship shaped like a giant condom.
"I am Sect Mistress Lushen of the Thousand Hands of Love Sect! We have come to retrieve Jin, the man who awakened our deepest… cultivation desires!"
Another ship cut in, this one shaped like a flying whip. "You dare, Lushen?! Jin belongs to the Domination Palace Sect! He helped our disciples… find their inner submissive path!"
More ships shouted in turn:
"He unlocked our milk meridian!"
"He improved our stamina in three positions—I mean three stages!"
"He massaged my dantian and my daddy issues!"
Jin raised a hand. "Ladies, please, I'm flattered, but—"
A barrage of spiritual fireworks shot into the sky, forming a glowing message:
JIN IS OUR SEED GIVER!
Ruoyan facepalmed. "This is your fault."
Fairy Ling folded her arms. "Honestly, I'm impressed."
"Should we flee?" Jin asked, already packing an escape bag labeled Emergency Lust Crisis.
"Too late," Ruoyan said as one of the ships descended and blasted the courtyard.
Out stepped a cultivator in sheer robes and six-inch stilettos.
"I challenge you," she purred, licking her lips, "to the Ritual of Ravishing Realms."
Fairy Ling whispered, "That's a real thing?"
"It is now," Jin muttered, internally screaming.
---
Within an hour, the entire sect was converted into an arena.
There were three stages:
1. Alchemical Aphrodisiac Brewing
2. Spiritual Body Stimulation Combat
3. Lustful Endurance Dual Cultivation Simulation
And Jin had to win all three or become the harem property of the winning sect.
"Why is that even a rule?" he hissed.
"Because you're an idiot and signed a sex contract in Chapter 12," Fairy Ling said, rolling her eyes.
"...I thought that was a coupon."
The first competition began. Alchemy stations were lined up, smoke rose, and moans echoed like a haunted brothel.
Jin poured ingredients like a mad scientist on Viagra.
"Okay, System, I need the ultimate aphrodisiac pill!"
[Ding! Creating: Heaven-Piercing Moan Pellet (Caution: may cause multi-orgasmic qi reflux)]
He smirked and slammed it into his cauldron.
The woman next to him gasped. "Is that… the Forbidden Fruit of the Wetlands?"
"Yup. Picked it with my teeth."
She blushed. "Marry me."
Jin didn't answer. His cauldron glowed, vibrated, and released a musical sigh.
The pellet emerged, pink, pulsing, and shaped like two… yeah, you know.
The judges took one sniff and immediately passed out from nosegasms.
"First round: Jin wins," the announcer croaked, holding a nosebleed.
The crowd roared. Fans threw bras. One elder fainted after his pants burst.
"Easy," Jin said.
Then came round two: Spiritual Body Stimulation Combat.
A fancy name for foreplay kung fu.
A robed woman with fishnet sleeves charged at him, spinning with glowing fingers.
"Secret Art: Tickle of a Thousand Nerves!"
Jin blocked with Grope of Infinite Palms.
Their hands clashed. Gasps filled the air. Their bodies pressed. Qi swirled like mating butterflies.
"Too hot!" one viewer screamed.
"Too hard!" screamed another.
"Too late!" Jin shouted as he delivered the Climax Fist Reversal!
Her eyes rolled. She floated mid-air in a blush explosion.
"Second round: Jin wins!"
The crowd chanted his name. His reputation surged. His pants tightened.
Ruoyan pinched him. "Don't get a boner now."
"I'm not a god, Ruoyan."
And finally, the third round:
The Dual Cultivation Simulation.
Jin was placed into a heart-shaped platform. His opponent? Sect Mistress Lushen herself.
She wore almost nothing. Just enough silk to legally count as clothing and enough qi to melt glaciers.
"We shall simulate dual cultivation," the announcer explained, "using synchronized spiritual flow and moan harmonization. First to harmonize three times wins."
"I'm sorry, what?" Jin asked.
Lushen stepped into the ring, her voice dripping honey. "Prepare yourself, Jin. I haven't harmonized since the Celestial Kiss Conference of Year 301."
The simulation began.
Both cultivators sat.
Breath. Qi. Eye contact.
Then—moan harmonization.
Jin activated the Orgasmic Meridian Dance, a system-provided skill that caused ripples of tingling essence to flow between them.
Lushen shivered. "Oh… oh… one…"
He countered with Heavenly Nipple Tug Pulse.
She gasped. "Two!"
Ruoyan screamed from the crowd. "STOP IT, YOU SLUT!"
Jin focused his final move: Thrust of Heavenly Penetration—Soul Depth Edition.
Lushen exploded into a rainbow mist and screamed, "THREEEEEEEEEE—"
She fainted.
The simulation ended.
Jin stood up, pants barely holding back his pride.
"Third round: Jin wins! Jin keeps his freedom… and everyone's hearts!"
The crowd went wild. Even Fairy Ling was blushing. Ruoyan grabbed his collar and muttered, "I'm locking you up tonight."
Jin winked. "Will there be handcuffs?"
She blushed. "Shut up!"
The announcer shouted, "And thus ends the Sect War of Love and Lubrication!"
Jin raised his hands in victory, moaning cauldron in one arm, love-hate wives in the other.