The grand cathedral of Saint Lumina stood like a beacon of divine serenity atop Caelmont's eastern hill, its gleaming spires reaching toward the heavens like judgmental fingers.
Inside, sunlight poured through stained glass windows in shafts of kaleidoscopic brilliance, illuminating rows of pews, golden altars, and one highly suspicious man crouched behind a confessional booth while wheezing into a stolen hymnal.
"I swear… I just wanted to breathe for five minutes," Rei muttered, curled under the priest's lectern like a stray cat.
He peeked out the side. No angry princesses. No burning chariots. No dragon breath.
Peace.
Sweet, temporary peace.
[System Notification: Proximity to Holy Grounds grants +1 Hope Buff. Duration: 15 minutes or until someone yandere-sniffs your soul.]
"…Please don't say that."
[System Reminder: Rosette's Soul Sense Passive is currently Active.]
He froze.
No.
No no no no no—
Step.
Step.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
He heard them before he saw her: gentle, rhythmic footsteps echoing along the cathedral marble, paired with the soft tap of a parasol against the floor. The kind of rhythmic beat that wasn't so much walking as it was ceremonial stalking.
A soft hymn began to play.
Then he saw her.
Descending the aisle like an angel of subtle homicide was Rosette, dressed in a pristine white nun's habit, her parasol cradled like a holy relic, eyes half-lidded in tender devotion… and full yandere mode.
She paused, tilted her head, and whispered into the silence.
"Rei."
His soul shrieked.
[System Alert: Stealth Failed. Passive Skill – "Rosette's Divine Radar" has activated.]
[Tracking Status: Your soul has been flagged as 'Blessedly Stabbable.']
He tried to scoot further under the altar.
Too late.
"Why are you here, Rosette?" he whispered, voice trembling.
She glided closer, smile serene.
"I sensed you. Your soul was trembling like a shy prayer in the wind."
"That doesn't even make sense—"
"Your fear tastes like incense," she whispered, kneeling beside the pew.
He tried to dash.
Her hand moved.
And with a single elegant flick, her parasol whipped forward—not toward his chest, but toward his sleeve, nailing the fabric to the ancient wood of the pew with a vicious thud.
Rei yelped, twisting around like a startled octopus. "YOU STABBED ME!"
She tilted her head. "No. I gently affixed you."
"You turned a sunshade into a javelin!"
"I consecrated it first."
Rei tugged uselessly at the sleeve now pinned with divine precision. "This is sacrilege!"
[System Notification: You have been Impaled With Affection™. Binding Duration: Until Rosette Is Done Watching You Breathe.]
"You can't keep me here forever," he protested.
Rosette leaned in, her lips brushing his ear.
"You once let me bandage your scraped knee when we were five. That was a vow."
"That was a Scooby-Doo Band-Aid!"
She smiled softly, like a nun praying for his blood.
[Affection Level: 99.6%]
[Possessiveness: 97%]
[Likelihood of Casual Murder: 93%]
[New Meter Unlocked: Nun Mode – 100% Chaste, 0% Safe]
Rei tried to think rationally.
"Listen, Rosette, I respect your… uh, holiness. But I'm not trying to run from you specifically. I'm running from everyone. Equally."
"So noble," she whispered. "A martyr."
"I'M NOT A MARTYR."
"You will be," she said, deadpan.
"THAT'S NOT REASSURING."
She withdrew the parasol just enough for Rei to jerk his arm free—but when he tried to run again, she flicked her wrist and the parasol collapsed into a dagger configuration. It whirred like an unfolding fan of murder.
Rei backed into a pew, hands up. "Okay, okay! No need to re-crucify me!"
[System Suggestion: Try appeasing her with compliments, Gregorian chants, or light weeping.]
"Rosette, you look lovely in that nun outfit," Rei blurted. "It's just the right blend of terrifying and... terrifying."
She smiled sweetly. "I stitched your name into the hem."
Rei peeked.
She did.
In red thread. With a little heart.
Rosette pressed her hands together in prayer. "May the Lord bless this union and grant me the strength to neutralize your escape routes."
"Don't bless that!"
She turned to the altar. "Forgive this man, for he knows not the depth of my devotion."
"I DO KNOW. THAT'S WHY I'M RUNNING."
Just then, the cathedral doors creaked open.
More footsteps.
Rei's heart stopped.
"NO."
Seraphina strode in, flanked by two glowing paladins and a choir singing a wedding march. "Rei~ I sensed your heartbeat through the royal engagement link."
Faye dropped from the rafters, twirling two smoke bombs. "You were foolish to hide somewhere I trained in sabotage."
Lilia emerged from a confessional, still wearing her wedding rehearsal gown. "I forgive you for hiding from our love. Also, I planted tulips at your funeral site in advance."
Drakana tore through a stained-glass window, roaring with flame. "I HAVE COME FOR THE CEREMONY OF HOLY IGNITION."
Rei looked around the cathedral. Five girls now encircled him, each armed with emotion, fire, sharp things, or devotion forged into weapons.
"Does anyone here object to this absolute insanity?!" he cried.
A priest peeked out from under the altar, saw the scene, and went back under.
Rosette stepped between him and the others, parasol gently resting on her shoulder. "Sisters," she said calmly. "He entered my sacred domain first. Please respect the sanctity of the nun bond."
Seraphina squinted. "You're not even a real nun."
"I took online vows."
"You stabbed a pew!"
"God forgives precision," Rosette replied flatly.
[System Update: Battle of Beloveds – Cathedral Variant Initiated]
[Round One: Rosette vs. Everyone Else]
[Objective: Win Rei's approval or a partial hug]
Faye cracked her knuckles. "He hugged me in Chapter 6. That still counts."
Seraphina unsheathed a rapier. "I own a third of the moon in our name."
Drakana blew smoke. "He let me lick his palm. The bond is sealed."
Lilia smiled with disturbing calm. "I did his laundry once. Naked."
Rei screamed. "NONE OF THESE ARE LEGAL CONTRACTS!"
[System: Wrong. In this world, they are.]
As the tension hit its peak, a bell tolled above. Rosette bowed.
"Then let us make this sacred."
She tapped her parasol to the floor. The floor lit up with glowing runes.
Rei gasped. "Is that a Binding Circle?!"
Rosette nodded. "Wedding prelude version."
"You rigged the cathedral?!"
"Always be prepared."
The runes began to glow hotter. The air shimmered. Incense turned to mist.
And then…
BOOM.
The cathedral doors blew off their hinges. A portal ripped open mid-aisle.
Eris floated in upside-down, eating a marshmallow swan.
"Oh no, don't mind me," the goddess grinned. "Just stopping by to throw more oil on this already burning cathedral of romantic delusion."
She pointed at Rei.
"I hereby issue a system command!"
Everyone froze.
[System Mission: Kiss One (1) Yandere Within Ten Minutes or Be Kissed By All At Once.]
Rei blanched. "WHAT KIND OF SOPHIE'S CHOICE IS THIS?!"
Eris winked. "Yandere Roulette, baby."
The girls stepped forward, in sync.
Rei backed into a pew again.
[System: Timer started. 9 minutes, 59 seconds…]
He screamed.
Fade to black.
To be continued…