…
[System Booting…]
[Analyzing Host Status…]
[Error. Error. Error.]
[Warning: Yandere Behavioral Protocols — UNSTABLE]
[System Debug Mode Activated]
[Recalibrating Affectional Aggression Levels… Standby.]
I opened my eyes to find the world… eerily calm.
The sun outside was shining with the gentle warmth of a gentle anime opening. Birds chirped. No blood trails. No mysterious giggles echoing from the ceiling vents. No claw marks on the wall. Even the mirror didn't spontaneously whisper, "You can't run."
"Strange," I muttered, sitting up.
For once, I wasn't tied to a bedpost or entombed in scented ribbons. My limbs were free. My clothes weren't replaced with a bridal tuxedo tailored to my exact measurements and embroidered with suspiciously familiar blood runes.
Even stranger…
My room was empty.
"What… the hell?"
I stood up slowly, expecting a yandere to tackle me from the ceiling fan.
Nothing.
[System Notification: Good Morning!]
[Note: Due to an unexpected synchronization glitch between the [Yandere AI Core] and [Fantasy Logic Engine], all obsessive traits have been temporarily suppressed.]
[Enjoy Your "Normal Day"! (Limited Time Event)]
I blinked. Once. Twice.
"…You're telling me they're… normal? Like, not homicidally affectionate?"
[System Confirmation: Yes.]
[Warning: Enjoy It While It Lasts. Correction Imminent.]
My jaw dropped. "So I get a free day? No choking hugs, no forced dress-up, no—"
[System Notification: Exactly. Proceed with hope. (It'll make the crash funnier.)]
I didn't even care. Hope surged in my chest like carbonated soda.
"Oh sweet Merciful Eris, it's happening!"
I burst out of my room, half-expecting a net trap. Instead, I saw Rosette—Rosette!—walking down the hallway… reading a book. Like a real, actual maid.
"Good morning, Young Master," she said with a serene smile. "Did you sleep well?"
"Wait. You're not hiding a dagger?"
She blinked. "Why would I be hiding a dagger?"
I stared. "You… don't want to bind my soul to yours with a blood pact this morning?"
She chuckled. "That's quite the imagination. No, I was just going to prepare your tea."
No ominous whisper. No hidden needle dipped in venomous vow magic. Just… tea.
"Oh my gods, I must be dreaming."
[System Notification: You are awake. And you are witnessing the impossible.]
[Achievement Unlocked: "Peaceful Morning (Mythical)"]
Downstairs, Princess Seraphina was casually reviewing noble documents with two ministers. She even smiled politely at me without the subtle threat of annexing my free will.
"Good morning, Rei," she said. "Would you like to join us for breakfast? There's a fresh fruit tart."
"You didn't lace it with aphrodisiac rose honey?"
"Of course not. What a bizarre thing to suggest."
Lucivella was on the couch. Just reading a newspaper.
No binding circles. No hellfire. Just—economic columns.
"Don't look at me like that," she muttered. "I'm taking a break from demon politics. It's exhausting."
Drakana was outside, sharpening her sword. Calmly. No fiery declarations of eternal mating. No blood-charged pink lingerie armor. Just—sparring practice.
Lilia passed me in the hallway humming a normal tune and gently adjusting the petals of her bouquet.
"Good morning, darling!" she said. "Oh, I forgot—you're not 'darling' anymore. I'm working on respecting boundaries today!"
My legs gave out.
"Oh gods. I've died. This is heaven."
[System Notification: This Is Not Heaven. This Is a Temporary System Glitch.]
[System Caution: Emotional Whiplash Imminent.]
I didn't care. For the first time since my second reincarnation into this ridiculous world of magical romance and emotional war crimes, I had peace.
No overpossessive hugging.
No surprise ring-forging.
No obsessive suitors throwing love bombs through my window.
Just… silence. Beautiful silence.
I took a walk through the garden and didn't have to dodge hidden scalpels.
I ate a sandwich without fearing that it was an edible engagement contract.
I read a book without someone writing "Our Wedding Vows" in invisible ink between the pages.
It was… paradise.
But it didn't last.
It never does.
That night, I went to bed smiling.
My system screen blinked softly in the corner.
[System Status: Yandere Correction Protocols Reinstating…]
[Countdown to Reinstatement: 00:59:59]
I blinked. "Wait. What's that?"
[System Update: Normal Behavior Protocol Expiring.]
[Reactivating Affectional Extremity Index in: 59 minutes.]
"No no no—System! Cancel it!"
[System Notification: Request Denied.]
[You Didn't Think We'd Let You Go, Right?]
I panicked. I bolted upright.
I had to make use of this one last peaceful hour.
Escape plan? No time.
Hiding spot? All compromised.
Fake identity? Already blew that last week.
Maybe—maybe I could dig a hole in the garden and tunnel to the border—
And then I heard it.
The sound.
A whisper in the dark.
"…Rei."
I froze.
A figure emerged from the corner of my room, holding a parasol that wasn't there when I went to bed.
Rosette.
Wearing a white ceremonial veil.
"…Rosette?" I whispered. "Weren't you normal?"
She tilted her head slowly.
"I sensed… the system was wrong," she murmured.
"You… you knew?!"
"I always know," she said softly. "The alignment of your heartbeat… the scent of your dreams… the tempo of your soul when it breathes… I knew the real me was locked away."
"Nope," I said, backing toward the window. "I'm not doing this. I'm not getting blood-married in my sleep."
Rosette smiled.
"I brought the ceremonial blade."
She held up a black dagger that shimmered with cursed devotion.
"It's time to consummate our union… through a soul bond."
[System Notification: Correction Phase 1 Activated.]
[Rosette Yandere Mode → Fully Restored.]
[New Title Unlocked: "Sleep-Bound Husband"]
[Effect: Wake up screaming.]
I dove for the window.
Rosette was faster.
The blade whistled through the air.
It stabbed—not into me, thank the gods—but into the bedpost. And with a flick of her wrist, threads of soul-threaded silk snapped outward, wrapping my wrists to the mattress.
"I'll make it painless," she whispered, crawling across the bed like a predator. "You'll feel nothing but eternal connection."
"This is illegal!" I screamed.
"In five provinces, yes," she replied sweetly. "Which is why I chose the cathedral under the city. It's still governed by ancient rites."
"I just wanted one normal day!"
[System Notification: Correction Complete.]
[All Yandere Traits Restored. Peace Has Ended.]
Rosette raised the blade.
"It's time."
I screamed louder than any man has ever screamed before.
FLASH.
Suddenly—
BOOM.
The door exploded inward.
Seraphina burst in with sword drawn.
Lilia arrived on a white swan-drawn sled.
Lucivella emerged from a demonic portal mid-lipgloss application.
Drakana smashed through the wall with a flaming war banner.
"YOU PROMISED HE'D BE SAFE!" Seraphina shrieked at Rosette.
Rosette blinked. "I was being gentle."
"You were carving runes into his chest!" Lilia yelled.
Lucivella was already throwing curses. Drakana was challenging Rosette to a "soul duel."
And me?
I was still tied to the bed.
"Oh good," I muttered. "Now everyone's crazy again."
[System Notification: Congratulations! Your Nightmare Is Back.]
[Mission Failed: "Enjoy Normalcy."]
[Reward: Absolutely Nothing.]
I closed my eyes as the chaos erupted again.
Rosette smiled at me through the fire and thunder.
"It's alright. We'll finish the ritual next time."
"Someone please reboot the system."
To be continued…