The endless night of Hueco Mundo stretched out before me like a giant, dark playground. And today — with my brand-new Endless Fool's Blessing buff active — it was time to farm EP the only way I knew how: by being as stupid as possible.
I looked down at Aizen, my loyal three-meter-tall dog Hollow, who was still chewing on a Gillian femur. I let out a booming roar.
"GUOOOH!"
(Translation: Aizen! Watch this!)
I didn't even have a plan. And that was the point.
First, I gathered up a pile of random bones scattered across the sands, stacked them into a precarious tower as tall as I was, and then headbutted it at full force. The bones exploded in all directions, one smacking me right in the eye socket.
[SYSTEM: +700 EP (Stupidity Bonus x100 = 70,000 EP)]
[Current EP: 96,560 / 1,000,000]
"GUOOOOOOH!!"
(Translation: YEEEES!)
Aizen barked and wagged his tail.
Alright. That worked.
Next, I decided it was a great idea to dig a giant pit with my claws. For no reason. After about half an hour of manic digging, I promptly forgot about the hole, spun around to show Aizen my dance moves, and fell right into it.
THUD.
[SYSTEM: +680 EP (Stupidity Bonus x100 = 68,000 EP)]
[Current EP: 164,560 / 1,000,000]
I lay at the bottom of the pit, limbs splayed out like a dead spider.
"GUOOOOOH…"
(Translation: Worth it.)
Aizen leaned over the edge of the pit and barked down at me.
Dragging myself out, I decided it was time to see just how far I could push this. I found a cactus-looking Hollow (don't ask — Hueco Mundo is weird), picked it up, and wore it like a hat. It hurt. A lot. Thorns jabbed into my skull, but I stomped around like a royal king, waving at imaginary crowds.
[SYSTEM: +700 EP (Stupidity Bonus x100 = 70,000 EP)]
[Current EP: 234,560 / 1,000,000]
I ripped the cactus-Hollow off my head and chucked it into the distance, where it hit a rock with a sad little squeak.
At this rate, I was farming EP faster than I ever had before.
"GUOOOOOOOH!!"
(Translation: THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER!)
Aizen started copying me, digging tiny holes and flopping into them. Maybe the idiot energy was contagious.
Then, I tried to see if I could roll down a sand dune without breaking apart. Turns out — I could! I rolled down three dunes, crashed into a rock, and got my head stuck halfway in the sand.
[SYSTEM: +690 EP (Stupidity Bonus x100 = 69,000 EP)]
[Current EP: 303,560 / 1,000,000]
I spat out sand and laughed like a maniac. My EP bar was skyrocketing.
This was it. The path to Adjuchas was clear. Not through strength, not through cunning, but through sheer, unfiltered, idiotic nonsense. Hueco Mundo's biggest fool was about to become its strongest Gillian.
And the year had only just begun.
Maybe?
"GUOOOOOOOOH!!"
(Translation: LET THE STUPIDITY CONTINUE!)