Hueco Mundo. A place where time has no meaning, and the only rule is that there are no rules.
It was a day like any other. The sky, as usual, was a deep, endless black. The sand beneath my massive Gillian feet shifted ever so slightly, an endless stretch of desolate land that could drive a Hollow mad with boredom. I was already halfway there.
But today… today, I had an idea.
A prank.
Yes, I was going to prank Baraggan's side-kid. The one that had attacked me during my glorious visit to the King's throne room. You know, the one who thought he could just swat me away like a fly. I'd been brooding ever since. Sure, I was an idiot Gillian who could barely form coherent thoughts, but I still had some pride. No one humiliated me without a little payback.
And so, with all the intellectual rigor that came with being an idiot, I concocted my plan.
Step 1: Bait.
I spent hours dragging a gigantic bone through the desert, leaving a trail in the sand that led straight toward Baraggan's territory. A giant, nearly six-story-tall bone — definitely something that would grab their attention. It wasn't subtle, but it didn't need to be. The kid would notice.
Step 2: The Setup.
I scouted the area around Baraggan's castle. A few dozen Adjutchas stood guard. I pretended to be a rock. Lying flat on my massive Gillian back, I wiggled around in the sand, making myself as invisible as a massive, six-story-tall idiot could. Aizen, my loyal dog Hollow, followed me. He didn't really get what I was doing, but he was happy as long as we were doing stupid things.
Step 3: The Deception.
I watched as the side-kid emerged from the shadows. He was one of Baraggan's minions — smaller than the others, but still formidable. His glowing red eyes scanned the horizon. Then, like a predator, he followed the trail of the bone I had laid out, completely oblivious to the ridiculous trap I was setting.
I let out a deep breath and, with the elegance only a Gillian could muster, I roared:
"GUOOOOOOOH!"
(Translation: Time for the prank, idiot!)
It worked. The side-kid spun around, his eyes widening at the sight of me standing in the distance. He looked confused, unsure whether to attack or flee. Perfect.
I waited until he got closer, and then, as if the universe had conspired with my stupidity, I pulled the ultimate move: I jumped up from my rock-like position — straight into the air, screaming with all my might.
"GUOOOOOOOH!"
(Translation: This is your surprise, buddy!)
I didn't actually think I'd be able to do a proper "jump" considering I was a giant, lumbering Gillian, but somehow, I managed to launch myself up, flailing in the most uncoordinated way possible.
As I came back down, a massive splash of sand burst into the air, and I landed directly on top of the bone I had laid out earlier. The poor side-kid, caught in the middle of all the chaos, was tossed aside like a ragdoll by the shockwave of my impact.
Then, in the middle of the explosion of dust and sand, I let out my most triumphant roar:
"GUOOOOOOOH!!"
(Translation: GOTCHA!)
The side-kid lay there, covered in sand, his head spinning. I could hear him groan in disbelief.
Aizen barked happily, wagging his tail, as if he knew that this was the greatest moment of my existence. I had pulled off the perfect prank.
However, the idiot didn't just stay down. No, instead of retreating or giving up, the side-kid slowly rose, his face twisted in rage.
"GUOOOHHHHH!!"
(Translation: You'll regret that, idiot!)
Oh, so he was mad now, huh?
I didn't have time to react before he charged at me, launching a small Cero in my direction. It grazed the side of my head. I was too busy laughing at my own prank to care about something like that.
"GUOOOOOOOH!"
(Translation: Nice try, but I'm not done yet!)
I decided to keep going with my new favorite game: making him as mad as possible. I dodged the next few Ceros by rolling around in the sand like a giant idiot. As I dodged, I kept letting out ridiculously loud roars, hoping that each one would confuse him more.
I screamed:
"GUOOOOOOOH!"
(Translation: Can you keep up with the idiot Gillian?!)
And then… I did the dumbest thing of all.
I ran directly toward him.
I could hear him yell out in disbelief, his voice full of anger. But instead of attacking or fighting him seriously, I slammed into him like a freight train — all 6 stories of me crashing into him with a giant, ridiculous thud.
He was knocked flat onto his back, and I didn't stop there. I climbed on top of him, my enormous body looming over his tiny, angry form.
"GUOOOOOOOOOH!"
(Translation: YOU'RE A PART OF THE PRANK NOW!)
I stayed there for a moment, just sitting on top of him like an immovable idiot.
It wasn't until Baraggan's side-kid squirmed, trying to push me off, that I realized something.
I might have gone a little too far.
I climbed off him, still giggling, my giant Gillian body shaking with laughter.
"GUOOOOOH!"
(Translation: Gotcha good, didn't I?)
But now, with his pride crushed, he stood up. No attacks. No aggression. Just a deep sigh.
"... I will get you for this," he muttered.
And yet, despite all that, he didn't attack me. He didn't call for backup. He didn't do anything… except stand there, fuming.
Which, in my own way, felt like a victory.
I had successfully pranked Baraggan's side-kid. Not only that, but I had also survived.
That, my friends, is true idiocy.
[SYSTEM: +700 EP (Stupidity Bonus x100 = 70,000 EP)]
[Current EP: 652,560 / 1,000,000]
The day was complete. The prank war was a success.
And I… was an idiot.
A very, very successful idiot.