The wind howled over the cliffs of Thornvale, high above the mist-draped valley below. Wildflowers bloomed in vibrant rebellion along the jagged stones, and birds chirped a happy tune in blissful ignorance of the mortal danger brewing atop the edge.
A quaint red-and-white checkered blanket fluttered beside a wicker picnic basket, spread neatly across a grassy patch at the edge of the precipice. Freshly baked scones sat in one corner, carefully arranged fruit slices in another. A thermos of rosehip tea puffed faint tendrils of steam into the air.
It would've been idyllic.
If not for the knife.
"Rosette," I said slowly, eyeing the blade as it gleamed like an ominous star in her gloved hand, "what a… sharp aesthetic choice for a picnic."
She smiled serenely, violet eyes glinting with something far more dangerous than sunshine.
"Oh, this?" She tilted her head like a porcelain doll, letting the knife catch the sunlight dramatically. "It's just for slicing fruit. Or carving commitments."
"R-right. Fruit. Classic citrus threats."
I was sweating through my nobleman's linen tunic. Not because of the sun. Not even because we were sitting on a cliff where one sneeze could turn a romantic lunch into a gravity test. No.
Because the head maid of our family estate, the one who had once killed a chimera using only her shoelaces and a glare, had invited me on a picnic.
Alone.
With a heart-shaped box.
And a knife.
[DING!]
[System Warning: High-density yandere energy detected. Recommend evasive maneuvers, prayer, and/or a will update.]
[Optional Sub-Mission: Accept Rosette's Proposal Without Losing Any Fingers]
[Reward: +5 Affection (Rosette), +1 Survival Point, -3 Dignity]
"Rosette," I began, shifting slightly to make sure my back wasn't too close to the cliff edge, "don't take this the wrong way, but is there any particular reason this picnic feels like a cross between a tea party and a hostage negotiation?"
"Because," she said softly, reaching into the picnic basket with slow, deliberate movements, "this is our engagement."
I blinked. Then blinked harder.
"Engagement? As in marriage?"
She nodded.
"Today is the day I propose. Properly."
She opened the heart-shaped box. Inside was a ring nestled in red velvet.
Beside it lay a small, surgical-looking blade.
Engraved on the steel in looping cursive was one word: Rosette.
My soul attempted to leave my body through my ears.
"Rosette… this is a really beautiful ring—gorgeous craftsmanship, I love the blood-red gem and the spiked band—but why is it sharing space with a knife?"
Her smile never wavered.
"So you can choose."
"Choose?"
"Say yes… or I carve the 'Yes' into your finger." Her tone didn't even change. She said it as if offering cream or sugar.
[DING!]
[System Alert: Rosette has initiated the ritual: "Marriage or Mutilation."]
[Hint: She's serious.]
[Difficulty: ♥♥♥♥♥ (Impossibly Lethal)]
I cleared my throat politely.
Then screamed.
Politely.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
A flock of birds exploded out of the trees.
Rosette blinked once. "That wasn't a yes."
"It was a terrified consideration! There's a difference!"
"Mm." She held up the ring. "Do you want me to slip it on your finger, or into your finger?"
"Option three! Option three, please!"
She tilted her head again, considering. "We could elope. I've already packed your essentials."
She gestured subtly to a travel bag half-hidden behind the basket. I recognized my favorite coat, toothbrush, emergency escape rope, and the teddy bear I kept locked in my bottom drawer.
"Wait—how did you even—?!"
"I've known your schedule, blood type, and pillow softness preference for years," she said with a small, reverent sigh. "You drool on the left side when you're in REM sleep."
"…I do not."
"You do. I embroidered it on your pillowcase once. You never noticed."
My eye twitched. The system pinged again.
[DING!]
[System Mission Update: "Survive the Yandere Picnic" has begun!]
[Objectives: 1) Don't say 'no', 2) Don't say 'maybe', 3) Just… don't speak.]
[Penalty for failure: Finger carving. And not the Halloween kind.]
I tried to stand, but Rosette casually held the knife between two fingers, the blade now glinting with delicate precision.
"I even prepared your favorite sandwiches," she added sweetly. "Pickled radish and soul cheese."
"…Soul cheese?"
"Made from the dreams of dairy cows. It's rare."
"That's… hauntingly impressive."
Rosette delicately fed me a bite.
And it was good. Delicious, even. My betrayal was immediate.
"Mmmf—okay that's unfair. You're using flavor warfare!"
She dabbed my lips with a silk napkin, still holding the knife in her other hand. It didn't even shake. Her hands were always steady. Like a sniper. Or a surgeon. Or an assassin.
"So," she said gently. "Will you marry me now?"
[DING!]
[System Note: Time remaining before 'Yes' is carved into your body: 2 minutes.]
[Pro Tip: Love is patient. Rosette is not.]
I gulped and glanced over the cliffside. No escape.
Not unless I could sprout wings or get adopted by a passing eagle.
"I-I just feel like we're rushing this!" I stammered. "Marriage is a big step! Shouldn't we at least date a little first? Like, courtship? Public outings? Staring awkwardly into each other's eyes without blades involved?"
"We've already courted," she replied. "For years."
"Rosette, I was in a coma for most of those!"
She held up a journal. A thick one. I recognized my own handwriting inside.
"You talked in your sleep. I transcribed everything. Every sigh, mumble, and muttered protest. Including the time you said 'Rosette, you're the only one who understands me.'"
"That was a nightmare! You were hunting me with a mop!"
"I still understood."
[DING!]
[System Emotional Analysis: Rosette's Yandere Intensity is at 97%. Imminent 'Love Slash' event predicted.]
[Emergency Suggestion: Kiss hand. Cry. Offer compromise. Or fake faint.]
I took a deep breath.
"Okay. Let's compromise."
Rosette arched an eyebrow. "Compromise?"
I nodded desperately. "Instead of a full marriage commitment today, how about… an engagement promise? A… verbal prelude to eventual nuptial consideration?"
She stared.
I stared back.
Birds chirped.
Wind blew.
The knife gleamed.
Then, slowly, she lowered the blade. The tip touched the grass.
"You're saying… a verbal agreement. A promise."
"Yes!"
"…That I can carve into your palm instead?"
"No!"
"Then write it in blood."
"Rosette!"
She exhaled. "Fine. You may speak your vow."
I blinked. "Like, out loud?"
"Yes. From the heart."
I paused, thought very hard, and then stood dramatically, placing one hand over my chest.
"Rosette. I promise, on this day, at this hour, at this height—please don't push me off the cliff—I will consider, with all my might, the possibility of engaging in a deeper mutual commitment with you, pending survival, background checks, and future tea-based negotiations."
Rosette stared.
I braced.
Then…
She smiled. A small, dangerous smile. But also… tender?
"Acceptable."
[DING!]
[System Notification: You have successfully negotiated the "Knife Proposal" scenario!]
[Reward: +10 Affection (Rosette), +1 Knife Avoidance XP, -2 Years of Life Expectancy (Stress Damage)]
[Secret Bonus Unlocked: Rosette's Hidden Smile – Achievement: "Murderously In Love"]
She picked up the ring, took my left hand, and gently—very gently—slipped it onto my finger. It fit perfectly.
"How… how did you know my ring size?" I whispered.
"I measured while you were asleep. Twice."
"Oh."
"Don't lose it," she added sweetly. "It's coated in a poison only I can cure."
"Great. So romantic."
Rosette leaned closer. Her face mere inches from mine. Her breath carried the faint scent of lavender and inevitable doom.
"You're mine now," she whispered. "Officially."
I nodded. Slowly. Politely.
And screamed again.
Also politely.
To be continued…