Dude: i had nuggets
Dasch: aren't they unhealthy
Dude: not quite if you enjoyed
Dasch: it's deeply fried. gonna block your arteries.
Dude: it sounds like you are going to block them yourself.
Dasch: i would have to be a nugget then.
Dude: it would be quite huge. you will definitely get some attention.
Dasch: i don't think i'm jumping into a frying pot.
Dude: you can back off now and leave my arteries alone.
Dasch: i'll leave them but why don't you buy a real nugget instead of chicken nugget.
Dude: you mean gold?
Dasch: yeah, that way you are filthy rich by the time your sell your gold in the future.
Dude: do you think i can afford a golden nugget instead of chicken nuggets?
Dasch: i don't know how many chicken nuggets will let you buy one golden nugget. patience and spendthrift maybe the answer.
Dude: price of gold is at its all time high. this is worst time to buy gold. your investment advice is horrible. this is like cluttering my portfolio, worse than cluttering my arteries with chicken nuggets.
Dasch: what if gold keeps getting more expensive? you'll never get to buy it.
Dude: i'll just have to look for other golds. why get stuck to gold. what's this obsession about golds.
Dasch: well, they never betray you, they will be there for you through good and bad times. holding their value in whatever shapes you want. nuggets, coins, bars, ring, you name.
Dude: i might want it in 500ml beer cup. i just want the gold handle.
Dasch: that's not a good idea. how are you going to resell it?
Dude: when i finally quit drinking beers. i could sell it to the last person i was drinking with.
Dasch: i just find it ridiculous you make investment plan according to your alcoholism.
Dude: insanity is essential in winning the markets.
Dasch: i hope you get rich as much as you drink
Dude: it's just around the corner, i'm getting there.
Dasch: it could be more than one corner. you could corner many times, closing a full circle, and restart from beginning.
Dude: that's not a good support. buddy. i might as well drop you off at a streetcorner.
Dasch: you don't even have a car.
Dude: i could just scoop you up and wrap you up in a bundled burrito. probably, pour tabasco over it.
Dasch: you don't even have a burrito bun or tabasco at home.
Dude: why don't i just then fry you into a homemade doggy nugget?
Dasch: you don't have a frying pan large enough to put me.
Dude: i can put you into a pot full of canola oil.
Dasch: why canola?
Dude: virgin extract olive oil is for special cuisines. you are just a nugget. you don't deserve olive oil.
Dasch: i can always jump out of the pot. i'm not gonna sit and watch you nugget me.
Dude: i'm gonna put a lid over the pot and lock it up.
Dasch: i'm gonna cry barking for my life. i don't want to end up like that.
Dude: i'm gonna do it when no one else is at home.
Dasch: fine. let's say all goes well. you get a giant nugget. then what.
Dude: i don't plan to eat it.
Dasch: it's a nugget, why give up after all that effort. that would be such a waste.
Dude: i don't feel like eating doggy nugget.
Dasch: but then i'd be sitting in the pot.
Dude: i honestly don't know what to do with it afterwards.
Dasch: i would be that nugget. so i don't know how i can help with that either.
Dude: actually, it's gonna be a huge mess. i don't think i should nugget you. so i cancel what i said.
Dasch: i guess i'm saved for now.
Dude: the point is that i'm gonna eat chicken nuggets and you stop telling me i buy golden nugget.
Dasch: your money is yours. my body is mine. not your nugget.
Dude: i respect that. plus your money is yours too. only if you got any.
Dasch: yeah, i got nothing. not even a dime. how boring this is.
Dude: yeah, i don't think you will never get to live to see your golden nugget. sorry for ruining your fantasy.
Dasch: plus i cannot even make any money account.
Dude: too bad. you won't have that either.
Dasch: why am i disallowed of so many things? just because i'm a dog?
Dude: the world is not ready for dogs yet.
Dasch: it's so depressing i don't get to do so many things you're allowed to do.
Dude: at least you're much better off than others who can't even speak like you.
Dasch: maybe i should have never spoke. i'm demanding more and more.
Dude: i mean at least you can chit chat and say what's on your mind freely. you have freedom of speech. some people don't have it and they can't even buy it either. but you have it without any cost.
Dasch: true. i might be richer than many others in that sense.
Dude: yeah it's not so bad. cheer up doggy.
Dasch: don't doggy me. i don't need your sympathy.
Dude: i know. you need golden nugget, not my sympathy.
Dasch: can't you just get one for me?
Dude: well, if i do, what do i get in return?
Dasch: you get to have not only a dog but a golden nugget next to the dog.
Dude: nah, i want a fair trade. you can't just rip me off like that. you gotta pay something in return.
Dasch: i have nothing. you know that. there is nothing i can offer.
Dude: then our deal is broken. this business talk cannot any further.
Dasch: i mean think of it as a donation. not a trade. you're giving it to me as a gift.
Dude: you have never gifted me before, why should i gift you.
Dasch: i'm a gift to you. think about it. your dog can talk to you. what amazing gift it would be. some children dream of talking dogs. i was brought here as just like other dogs. what a surprise that this dog came in a package deal able to speak his owner.
Dude: okay, i give you that you are actually very nifty dog. however, it's not really your personal gift to me. it was a pure luck that you got to suddenly speak to me one day. this was no carefully planned or curated gift from you. it was just an accident.
Dasch: still, wouldn't you say such rare accident is just like winning a lottery? lottery win is an accident but still a gift of luck. what makes it even more appealing is that it is a surprise gift. surprise lucky gifts are more powerful than prepared gifts like golden nugget i'm asking for.
Dude: i didn't expect such eloquence from you. i'm not sure if i should really consider this. i can't promise. you see. if i'm someone who could just buy a golden nugget on premise, why would i be eating nuggets.
Dasch: maybe you can stop eating nuggets and beers. you can buy the golden nugget instead.
Dude: for me, nuggets and beers are my daily golden nuggets.
Dasch: you losing big because of small things.
Dude: don't put it like that. you make me feel like i'm wasting.
Dasch: you know well that nuggets and beers are bleeding your money.
Dude: that's my weak point. i can't help when it comes to these pleasures.
Dasch: you're losing and you're losing money. you're a slave to the nugget company and beer company. they are stealing your money. it's time to take your money back into your pocket.
Dude: i've already given away so much already. i feel screwed.
Dasch: look, it's not too late. just cut it out. stop losing.
Dude: i'm so weak. the crunchy texture. refreshing gulp of beer froth down my throat.
Dasch: look your going nuts. they are nutting you. you've become their nuts. come to your reason and senses.
Dude: i'm basically nuts craving nuggets.
Dasch: being nuts is less than being nuggets.
Dude: you're pressing wrong buttons here.
Dasch: nuts... that's what you are. look at yourself. unstoppably eating and drinking nuts. how pathetic. shaken by nuggets and beers. you've been depraved and dehumanized into nuts. soon you'll be nutcracked.
Dude: you're nutcracking me already. you're the nutcracker! ughhh aghhh
Dasch: nutcracking is like splitting open your head and soul. it's like giving birth. you've to push hard. breath. inhale and exhale. we gotta bust open the nutshells.
Dude: help... help... the shells are scratchy and thorny.
Dasch: there's only so much i can help. this is about self-discovery through self-destruction. you've got to destroy nuggets and beers. you need to rid of them. poison. devil's whispers. you've got to eject them out of your system!
Dude: aghhhaaaaa nuggets, beers.... just get lost already... stop lingering around me.
Dasch: let me smack and knuckle your skull. don't worry i won't bash it.
Dude: they are splitting into fragments and peels... the nutshells are peeling away and pulverizing into powders...
Dasch: here comes a hard knock, here you go.
Dude: aghhhha, they have been knocked out, eradicated, and bulldozed. my vision... is getting hazy... the light is darkening.
Dasch: rest in peace... you shall resurrect... you need some hours of rehab. the nutcracking has knocked you out. it will not be long.
Dude: your nutcracking... did its job... ttyl.
Dasch taps and closes Dude's eyes.