Dude: what's the news
Dasch: well the pope passed away
Dude: what else
Dasch: i mean what else is more newsworthy than that?
Dude: it's just a pope
Dasch: no it's the pope
Dude: no it's just a pope among so many others in history
Dasch: but this pope was the most recent one. it deserves a special treatment.
Dude: i never had any personal connection to him? is it him or her?
Dasch: dude, there is no such thing as female pope.
Dude: i think that's newsworthy, don't you think.
Dasch: to think about it. it is quite strange why there's no female pope.
Dude: who knows there might be one and she's just not around as much and likes to stay home. staying lowkey.
Dasch: popes can't be lowkey. they gotta be out somewhere to bless others in need. don't you think.
Dude: maybe they decided to have roles. male pope goes out to work and female pope works at home.
Dasch: isn't that pretty sexist? plus they are probably not even married.
Dude: i don't know why they agreed to those roles. i can't answer that. i am not into popes. are you much of their follower?
Dasch: nah, i just know. you know they are on the news.
Dude: i wonder they have salary for being on TVs.
Dasch: probably, don't they gotta make a living of their own? after all they are just humans too. they must have expenses.
Dude: but maybe they fare well just living off of collection.
Dasch: what's the collection about?
Dude: i was thinking they would pass around like a basket where followers pay out of their pocket in cathedrals
Dasch: the popes are in vatican, they would only get the ones from Vatican, not anywhere else.
Dude: yeah, i doubt that cathedrals around the world wire transfer to the popes. just imagine the popes with paypal or cryptocurrency wallets.
Dasch: i could totally imagine them having their own cellphones though.
Dude: that's not too far away from having paypal or crypto wallets then.
Dasch: they are probably crypto rich, who knows.
Dude: yeah who would care to audit the popes. they are the highest moral standard.
Dasch: i wonder if they get tax exemption.
Dude: how's that so
Dasch: because they are doing everything for humanity. in a sense, they are non-profit.
Dude: to be honest, i have done nothing for me.
Dasch: you don't follow them anyways. and you never donate for them either.
Dude: maybe even donators never got much benefit from them either who knows.
Dasch: i mean the popes must be praying very hard. they are supposed to be very close to the god.
Dude: the problem is we don't know what they are praying for.
Dasch: i do remember seeing them praying publicly.
Dude: i am talking about private prayers. if they are working hard, they should pray whenever possible whether camera is on or off.
Dasch: you know they need privacy too. they need to unwind too once in a while. they can't be praying all day long.
Dude: that's actually true. otherwise they will die praying. we don't want their prayers to be cut short.
Dasch: i wonder what they do in their free time.
Dude: probably nothing religious.
Dasch: how so.
Dude: imagine you are a basketball player. you wouldn't play basketball on vacation.
Dasch: good point. but if it's nothing religious, what would it be.
Dude: that's quite difficult to get at. they have cellphones so they might be playing games or doing social media.
Dasch: i think they could be playing classic games like solitaire or chess.
Dude: i can see where you are getting at. those classic games have somewhat medieval themes. chess has knight. solitare has kings and queens.
Dasch: maybe taking even further, they could be playing poker if they have cards to play solitaire. it's just one more step from solitaire.
Dude: are you suggesting they might be gambling.
Dasch: i never said that. poker can be totally absent of money betting.
Dude: then they must be losing out on all the fun that poker really is about.
Dasch: since they are non-profit, they wouldn't have any direct access to money to bet at all.
Dude: maybe they can bet some old latin books they have in their study.
Dasch: you mean they would be good at speaking latin and so they may have old books that may worth alot for historical value?
Dude: yeah like old poems or manuscripts dating back to roman times.
Dasch: that's actually a very healthy version of poker. when you win you get more books that you can read and learn more.
Dude: wouldn't it be boring though.
Dasch: yeah it's too dry to be honest. they gotta bet something more materialistic like jewelry or something.
Dude: you know how in cathedrals they sometimes share bread and wine for celebration or something.
Dasch: are you sure that's related to catholic?
Dude: to be honest, i don't care. let's just say that that is true.
Dasch: sure why not.
Dude: they could be their wines. i bet they have large collection of wines and spirits.
Dasch: but aren't they for just sprinkling holy water? i don't think holy water is supposed to be alcoholic. i think your alcoholism is actually distorting their real tradition.
Dude: i do not know. you don't know. i think no one has truly tasted the holy water. it's only to be sprinkled on someone.
Dasch: yeah that I can agree with. but still why alcoholic.
Dude: you know holy water is supposed to cleanse someone of their sins. this basically frees them from guilt and corruption.
Dasch: okay, that sounds pretty reasonable. since it's all about forgiving and confessing your wrongdoings.
Dude: well think about it. don't you think sins and wrongdoings are like virus, bacteria, and germs?
Dasch: yeah, i could see how they might be related.
Dude: well, when you use hand sanitizer, what is it removing?
Dasch: germs? so you are saying this is evidence that holy waters are alcohols that exterminate sins and wrongdoings which are germs?
Dude: precisely, you are on the right track.
Dasch: but then why would they have so much wine or spirits if they are only using it to sprinkle. it's not gonna need that much.
Dude: well think about how much sins and wrongdoings humanity have.
Dasch: oh...crap... so you are saying
Dude: yeah man, they probably don't have enough wines and spirits to cleanse all humanity from their sins and wrongdoings.
Dasch: oh man, isn't humanity then kinda screwed?
Dude: why so?
Dasch: because on one hand, the popes are keeping all the alcohols to cleanse people, on the other hand, the humanity drink their brain out to commit more sins.
Dude: that actually captures how this vicious cycle works and why alcohols are forever needed in this world.
Dasch: i think we are entering the conspiracy zone.
Dude: yeah, it's as the popes are running a business of sin cleansing. they will never run out of clients too because as long as people get drunk, the sins will never run out.
Dasch: this is some black market economy in operation.
Dude: except it's not black at all, it's all legal and happening this very second.
Dasch: don't you think we will be in trouble if we ever let others know about this scheme.
Dude: i'm sure we don't want to be on the other side from the catholics.
Dasch: we should stay clear of cathedrals then.
Dude: but for now, their morale has plummet because as you said, the pope died.
Dasch: maybe we are good for now.
Dude: there will be a new one soon.
Dasch: does that mean it's a new CEO?
Dude: yes and the rest of followers are their employees.
Dasch: holy moly.
Dude: yeah, it would mean it's the largest non-profit organization.
Dasch: it has monopoly too.
Dude: well, there are other competitors you know as many as other religions that are out there.
Dasch: oh so they are like the conglomerates and corporate dinosaurs.
Dude: yeah man. in a sense, this world never has unemployment rate.
Dasch: because even if you are jobless, these religions will hire them.
Dude: yeah, exactly. they are always hiring new ones.
Dasch: wait but what does that make me. i'm just a dog and i got no job and no religion too.
Dude: well, i didn't wanna say this out aloud but you are not part of humanity so you don't count.
Dasch: but i am pretty human, the very conversation we have is only so human.
Dude: i don't know how these religions count dogs. i think that burden is on you.
Dasch: i mean since i haven't been reached out. i guess they are unaware of me.
Dude: yeah you are probably an anomaly. i am not sure if it's supposed to be a good thing.
Dasch: well, i want to see it as a bright side. it means i am not working for anyone.
Dude: maybe it means you are your own boss. congrats.
Dasch: but how about you, are they gonna come after you?
Dude: now i think about what we discussed today, they would never do that.
Dasch: why?
Dude: cause i am the most violent drinker and sinner, so i am their untouchable mega client.
Dasch: i wonder how much sprinkling they would need to do to exterminate your sins.
Dude: they will need a firetruck and firehose.
Dasch: are you ready to face that?
Dude: i mean the pope just died so i am waiting to see how things are gonna shake up. i don't wanna make a move when they are in the midst of process.
Dasch: well, i guess we will just have to wait and see what the new pope is all about.
Dude: for real, until then i think i'm gona head out and grab some beer. you care to join me?
Dasch: nah i think i'm good. maybe i will think twice after knowing what the new pope is all about.
Dude: i respect your decision.
Dasch: so do i
Dude: cheers
Dasch: adieu amigo