"Yeah two sloppy joe sandwiches with deal please." I say in the drive-through speaker.
"Anything else sir?" Audioed voice.
"No that'll be all, thankyou." It's a sunny Autumn afternoon, the leafs are flying around. The sun feels so alluring when it's getting cold, infact specially in cold. And here I am, keep thinking about how she comes so close to me but yet always parting away. She asks me questions— not just any normal questions, but questions like no one has ever asked me before and when I do answer them, she looks surprised, and at the same time she also assumes everything I say is a bloody lie?
What is this?
She's giving me a mixture of mixed signals. Does she want me or not?
I know she feels intimated near me, I know that much about us. I can tell she wants more. And on top of that, she hides her aggressive side for I don't know what reason.
She pulls me in, enough to keep me guessing. I want to kiss her already and I know she wants that too when she looks at me with those needy, passionate eyes. She doesn't want no simplicity, certainly not just an innocent kiss.
She wants more, to consume or to be consumed.
"Hey I'm at the local sandwich store, I bought one for you too." I leave a message to Faiza. Our thing is eating together, it just sort of happend.
Notification ting.
She read quick.
"Ifan, I'm at Ayat's– bring enough for the both of us." Voice message ends.
Oh.
Oh wow.
What are they doing together? It flutters me, it does. She's building a relation with my sister— again a mixed singal. I can't tell if she wants me or if she's just being platonic.
maybe she's friendly.
But then again,
There's no way what we feel is platonic.
I park outside Ayat's house.
I have spare keys so I open the gate for myself, to surprise them.
I unlock the gate when I feel someone standing right before the gate. I push open the gate and there she was, breath-taking, standing in the frontyard "Look around!" She runs to me. I turn to see Ayat and Sam jump up, out of nowhere.
"Water balloon FIGHT!" Ayat yells.
"Wait-"
Ayat retaliates with a quick throw, hitting my shoulder. "Bro what is going on!" I laugh, shaking off the water. I see there's a bucket full of water balloons.
"It's you and Faiza against me and Ayat!" Sam says, Sam's standing beside Ayat. I look over my shoulder at Faiza. She just laughs, and shrugs her shoulders. We're standing facing each other, each one of them is holding a handful of water balloons. And they all look so mischievous. It's 12 pm in the afternoon, what is going on?
"Hey! Where is my water balloon!?" I frown.
Sam grins mischievously and throws his balloon at Faiza, splashing it all over her.
"Oh you did not!" She throws a balloon at them, Ayat squeals as it bursts against her shirt, soaking her. Sam bursts out in laugher. "I don't have a balloon!" I yell again.
The battle intensifies, different colours of water balloons fly through the air, bursting with splashes of laughter. Sam throws a balloon at me startling me. "I kid you not Sam! I'll get you back." I run to where our pipes are and I grab a bucket full of water, beginning to run behind him. "That's cheating, how is he using a whole bucket!?" Sam runs away from me, screaming like a child.
For six to seven years straight, Sam used to visit Ayat for only like twice a year.
Now he's here twice in a week.
Faiza laughs at us.
"Hey! Who are you laughing at!" Ayat tries to attack Faiza with a bucket but the slippery grass, makes both of them fall over onto each other. Their laugher echoes. I dunk water on Sam evilously and I start to laugh, even snorting. Sam's shirt clings to his chest. He gasps. "Look" He points, we turn to catch the girls struggling.
"Team work?" Sam winks.
"Oh yeah!" I smile back.
He releases a wisp of laughter. Sam and I took the chance we had and made the biggest water balloon splat on Faiza and Ayat as they were already laying down. Both of them shriek, gasping. "That's mean!" Ayat wipes her face with both her hands. Water droplets glisten on all four of our faces. We take a moment to pause but looking at each other, We all burst out laughing so much, our lungs feel like they might blow up.
"Okay that's enough for today." I say, helping Faiza get up, and Sam offers Ayat his hand to pull her up, Ayat's ponytail drips water. Though the way they both look at each other— why haven't I seen them like this before? There's something I don't know of. We're all soaking wet.
"You were in this with them!" I ask Faiza.
"When I came here, they were already planning this." She laughs.
"No it was Sam!" Ayat laughs.
"Oh it was just me?" Sam and Ayat shriek as Sam playfully punches Ayat's arm, Ayat dramatically pretends to stumble backward and they both run around like little kids, heaving and jabbing in a fake mock fight.
Excitement in their eyes. This heartwarming carefree spirit of childhood is all that I ever wanted to see on our faces when we were young.
I turn to look at Faiza and I catch her already looking at me, Her smile radiates appreciation on her face. I smile back.
"You're pretty." I whisper to her.
"You're not so bad yourself" She whispers back.
Really? I don't know— I want to sob literally.
She puts her head on my shoulder and I put my arm around her. Its like watching our children play.
After we dried ourselves, we're inside now, with hot chocolate because its almost November.
"What do you want?" Sam asks Ayat, "Marshmallows or whipped cream?"
Ayat's eyes sparkle. "Both!" She says. Sam laughs and hands her a cup of hot chocolate.
"Are you cold?" I ask Faiza. She's sitting next to me on the couch. I want to bloody cuddle with her already.
"You know what we should do! We all should go karting!" Ayat jumps up and down in excitement.
"Oh yeah- yeah yeah yea yah! That's an awesome idea, what do you say Faiza?" Sam asks Faiza
"I think we'd have fun." Faiza says.
"Why is no one asking me!? I think it's a brilliant idea, too." I frown.
"Oh we didn't think it was necessary since we already asked Faiza and you're always by her side we figured you'd automatically come if we invite her." Sam says, stroking his chin. He's such a chatter-box.
"Well do you know what I think? That its rude" I cross my arms. It is rude. We tend to act like we're children when we're all together, I don't know, this isn't something we plan, it's just how it is whenever all three of us hangout. It's like the whole world is on one end, and us, we're on the other end.
Ayat giggles. "It's not rude! You should ask her first, if she says yes then you can join us." She blushes.
"Come on I'm your brother!"
"Just ask!" Sam crosses his arms.
"Yeah! Ask her already!" Ayat in sync repeats Sam's action by crossing her arms in the same way.
"Why!" I throw a tantrum.
Faiza turns to me. "If they're insisting why don't you just ask?"
"Yes ma'am."
Why was that so quick—
Sam and Ayat burst out in laughter, they're giggling, wiggling their feet and hands, pushing each other aside, while blushing.
"You guys are so weird." I can't believe they're embarrassing me infront of her. I cover my face with my hand.
Faiza laughs softly. "It's a relief you find this funny and not offensive." I smile to her.
"Why would I find this offensive? they're having fun." She says.
"So can I come with you karting?" I lightly bow my head as I offer her my hand.
"Ooo!" Ayat's chittering. "Shush bro we're going to miss it!" Sam puts his hand over Ayat's mouth. I can see they're back to being friends, I'm glad they're comfortable again.
She accepts my hand, and I interlock our fingers.
Butterflies curling up to my lungs.
"HERE WE GO!" Sam fake punches the air, his elbow hits Ayat's eye. "Ouch Sam!" She buries her face in her hands, wiping her eye with her sleeve. "Oh sorry, sorry, did I hurt you?" Sam bends down a bit, rubbing her back as he gently blows in her eye. Once again— the same sense of a bit odd feeling. It's not what I think— is it? No it's not. Or is it? Nah I'm being paranoid— or am I? This is the literal definition of paranoid who am I kidding. But is something really odd?
The ride to the place became like a road trip. We ate, sang, and chattered. Sam opened the sun roof for Ayat and Ayat stood up, feeling the air. I sat in the back with Faiza. Felt like kissing her but didn't. Her luxurious glossy lips teased me the whole journey and time went by.
We're here,
All four of us are wearing bright racing helmets with huge grins on our faces.
"Ready children." Sam says, his voice a bit muffled through the helmet. Ayat looks so cute with her helmet on but God damn Faiza looks freaking hot in her helmet. "Ready!" Ayat raises her thumb up in the air. "Same for me!" I say, looking over at Faiza. She shrugs her shoulders. I know she's feeling the same. I can feel it.
Three.
Two.
The countdown begins.
One.
We zoomed around the go-kart track, our engines roaring and tires screeching. Faiza took the lead, her kart speeding around the curve with precision and skill. Damn bro— Ayat cheers her on, urging her to go faster, even though they're up against each other. I'm up in the lead. "WOO" I yell.
"Oh I'm so not letting you win Ifan and Faiza." Sam executed a daring pass, slipping past my kart with inches to spare. Just when he thought he was about to win, I speed up, crossing Faiza behind. But darn it, Sam with thrill move across us. He is the one with more experience. Let's be fair. The crowd of onlookers gasp in amazement, cheering as Sam takes the lead, winning the race.
The race ended, all four of us took our gear off, walking past the track.
"Bro did you see me!" Sam jab and weave back and forth, boxing the air in excitement.
"It was a close one." Faiza says, defending herself. "No no, it wasn't, I won fair and square!" Sam rubs his victory in our faces.
"Ayat you didn't even try." I laugh. She starts to laugh at herself. "I was so confused" She's snorting, as if she doesn't care about losing, as if all that matters for her is that we're together. The only regret I have is not being able to be around her when she was growing up. Not being there for her enough. She must've felt so lonely. The thought washed over my head and I give Ayat a tight hug. A hug that must've been given years ago.
"Woah what happend?" She murmurs against my shoulder. "I'm just so glad we're together." I say squeezing her with my arms. I can see Sam's getting sentimental but he's pretending to look everywhere but at us, brushing invisible dust over his shoulder. As much of a brave man he acts, he won't ever admit he feels sentiments.
Faiza kept looking at us, but the look on her face says as if she's confused, as if she doesn't recognise us.
"Come on in you both." So I ask Faiza and Sam to join our hug. At first both of them acted nonchalant but hugged us eventually. "Aren't we like a family!" Ayat mumbles. Sam laughs at her commentary but Faiza suddenly got pale. I don't know why. "It's been so long since we were this happy, right?" Ayat says. We all released each other. "Yeah, probably." I straight down her frizzy hair. "I want to ice skate!" Ayat wishes. "Oh boy, I'd love that." I say. It's a huge arcade, where every sort of game is. Ice skating, karting, bowling, anything, you name it. "Do you want to do that?" I ask Faiza. "I don't really skate." She says. "So no, you guys go ahead, I can wait."
"I don't really like skating either." I shrug my shoulders back, side eyeing Sam to understand the situation and go with Ayat.
Ayat looks at us, and even though she wants to go, she just smiles. Sam sees what's happening and says, "I'll go skating with you sweetheart." Sam spreads his arm around Ayat's shoulder. "Oh goodie! Let's go." Ayat laughs. And I've got nothing to worry about when Sam's there for her. Whereas Faiza— she's lonely. I can see it in her eyes. It's been a month with her and she still hasn't mentioned anything about her family to me. I haven't either. Only about Ayat and Sam because it's obvious. A little bit of my uncle I'd say.
"You should go too, you said you love skating." Faiza tries to convince me, slightly pushing my arm. "I won't leave you alone ma'am." I say, "Let's sit somewhere." I say looking in her eyes. Her eyes roved between me and the ticket counter. Looking in her eyes I can see, It's like her shield crumbled, as if her guard dropped, like she's shocked, surprised even.
We sit down at the food court area. Random mumbled chattering of people and dim sound of music playing in the back.
I got ourselves loaded fries, I know she likes potatos because we've been neighbours for a while now.
"Looking at them skating, I remembered something." She takes some fries.
"What did you remember?" I ask, I'm so interested in her. What could her story be? Is it cruel? I can certainly tell by looking at you that life's been bad to you, too.
"I remember having a box from bits n berries, it's a brand. It was a little musical snow globe, it was rare edition, one of a kind and it played my favourite song but instrumental." She says, gently.
"What was the song?" I'm curious.
"A thousand years." She smiles.
"I have died everyday waiting for you." I sing. Her eyes grew fonder, staring in mine.
"Should I continue singing?" I ask, and a laugh escapes her lips.
"Darling don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years." I say, humming. looking at her with such charm, like no one has ever before. Why do I feel like there's no curtain between us. Like there's no wall to put, no lock to seal. If I'm that dumb, it'll be easy for her to get anything out of me.
"What was in the snow globe?" I ask. My tone is relaxed.
"It had a star, a christmas tree star."
"Seems to be likeable." I smile.
"It was." She sighs.
"Where did it go?" I ask.
"I don't know, we used to move a lot when I was a kid. Must be misplaced." She says, she's sad about it.
"How much did you love it?" I want to know.
"So much, more than anything." She sighs.
"Can I ask who gave you that?"
"My brother.. before his accident." She says. Oh— the first thing she tells me about her family and of course its painful— guess I assumed right.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be— I don't like when people apologise for something they didn't do." She said, sneakingly squinting her eyes. She's using my words up to me. Wow. I simply smile back at her.
"It was my pre-wedding gift." She adds.
WEDDING?!
My eye tweaked and a brief pause of hesitation hits me. Have I been flirting with a married woman?! Don't shit with me please. I say nothing. I just blinked.
"Don't worry." She chuckles. "He broke off the engagement right before our wedding vows."
Oh..
Oh shit.
"Was he hit in the head?" I give her a puzzled look.
She laughs. "Why would you say that?"
"Because only a ridiculously foolish person without a brain would do such a thing." I try to make her laugh. But on the inside, I'm shocked as hell. Somsone broke his engagement with HER!? You're telling me someone HAD her, like actually had her and chose not to marry her?! What kind of a stupid man was he? What kind of a freaking logic is that!? To not want to be with her? Peak stupidity! unlucky bastard. It's his loss! Good for me I guess. I got to meet her.
"I imagined a hundred things you'd say after hearing that, but once again Ifan deniz, you surprised me." She says.
I just smile at what she said.
"Doesn't it bother you to know I'm a half way widow?" She's not looking at me, only shuffling her food with her fork.
Without saying anything, with a sly smile, I sweep my hand under her chair and scoot her chair all the way to me, it was a quick reflex, she almost choked on her food, a hesitate pasue conveys her body language as her eyes cast downwards, her lips slightly trembling, as if her hands are confused to be put down where and she bites back her blushing, but I've noticed how her freckles turn a beautiful shade of red whenever she's shy. How her pupils go wider when she feels ardently.
"Only an idiot would get bothered by an astonishing woman like you." I say, staring in her eyes.
"I disagree. There's more to me than you can ever imagine. Things far more than just bothering." She says, as if unintentionally warning me.
"You see Faiza, that's the thing that excites me the most. To get to know more about you." I say. She keeps staring. "You're like a maze and every tunnel is beauty keeping." I say, my voice low and steady, I kept looking at her, scanning her eyes. "You're different and that's what I like about you." I say, "You've bewildered me." My cheeks flush. "You're captivating me in a way I don't understand" I say, our lips nearly too close.
Faiza releases a subtle intake of breath.
"Sam and Ayat." She says. I look back at them and I immediately straighten my posture. We were in for a kiss for sure.
Faiza coughs gently with her hand covering her mouth, she's slighly leaning back. Our cheeks flushing.
"What were you guys talking about." Ayat takes a seat infront of us. Sam sits next to her.
"Boy do I tell you, he doesn't know a single thing about skating." Ayat aims her hand at Sam. A dissmisve wave of her hand. "This kid got astounded, bamboozled, dumbfounded, even mindbogged!" Ayat does a fake, over the top gasp as she gestures big with her hands, with mind blowing sound effects coming out of her mouth.
"What the hell bro—What language even is that?!" Sam acts shocked. "She's so annoying!" Sam smacks his lips irritatingly at Ayat's laughter.
"What the heck is a bamboozled?!" Sam asks, as If he's genuinely confused. Ayat bursts out in laughter at Sam's question. "Its you! You got bamboozled!" She laughs again, this time even louder, literally cracking up.
"Ifan, Faiza!" She stands up. "Look at me, I'll tell you how he was holding." She starts laughing before even telling us. Her contagious laugh with snorting, makes Faiza and I laugh, too. Ayat mimics Sam, putting on a whole show of how Sam was skating like a fool.
"Shut up, you're so annoying Ayat" Sam burries himself in his hands in embarrassment. I laugh. "Well who won go karting? I did." Sam brags. "And you lose!" He fickles her head. "Ow! At least I didn't look like an idiot losing!" Ayat says.
"Still lost though." Sam crosses his arms proudly.
"You looked like a monkey in tight clothes!" She laughs at her own joke.
"And you thought you looked like a fairy, but guess what! You just looked like an elf doing overdue." Sam talks back.
Ayat gasps.
"At least elfs are cute." She talks over him.
"Elfs have huge noses!"
"You're the one to talk, monkey in a swimsuit!"
"Gigantic ears!"
"Smelly armpits!"
"Enough!" I say, converting their attention to me. "Stop it children!" I'm a dad now. Good.
"See, I told you to shut up." Sam puckers his lips to tease Ayat.
"You weren't shutting up either." Ayat scrunches up her nose.
"You weren't either" Sam says.
"Oh here we go again." I put my hand on my forehead.
"There's a store I want to show you Faiza!" Ayat walks around to Faiza's side.
"Show me?" Faiza asks.
"Yes it's just your style! Its where every kind of gift is." Ayat seems excited.
"The worst kind of gift a person can give another is a mug, that has a sticker on it that says I love jam or something." Sam says, leaninf back in his chair. All three of us look at Sam with confusion.
"Who asked bro?" I laugh.
"Shut up." Sam rolled his eyes and we all laugh at him.
"Come on Faiza." Ayat insists.
"Uh"
"Oh Faiza please! I want to show you something that I saw in there!" Ayat holds Faiza's hand and a hint of despairing look appears on Faiza's face, more like shock, more like out of habit, more like— sad. Faiza doesn't receive much affection is what I can assume. Ayat's always been welcoming, it's how she reflects herself, even though no one has ever completely been there for Ayat, not even me or Sam but somehow she always manages to include everyone around her, and holds deep care for humans in her heart. Whoever they are, every kind of human, Ayat sees through them. Souls are what matters to her. She's aware of how someone different, someone unique, someone imperfect can feel out of place or excluded, same how she felt living here all by herself. Which is why she tries her best to not let anyone get hurt that way, not by her at least. Ayat only had us and for some reason I can see why Ayat is getting attached to Faiza—that's because she always wanted a sisterly bond. She always craved someone caressing her head with advices so appealing. The whole momnet is like glued to my head, in my eyes, I can't seem to look away. I've never felt so full. So full of life— and I know now as clarity, I did the right thing moving here. To start a fresh, to begin again. To explore the beauty which I so desperately wanted.
"Fine, show me." Faiza stands up and they both leave, interlocking arms.
"Yes please take her away Faiza" Sam clasps his hands together, begging mockingly.
Faiza laughs, and they walked there, soon they're out of our sight.
"They're cute." Sam chuckles.
"I know right." I say, Sam can be agreeable at times.
"So Ifan.." He has that sneaky smile on his face. "Do you like Faiza?" Sam looks at me.
"What? No—I mean— I don't know." Who am I kidding, I'm so head over heels for her.
"She's just your type, A bit older but you always had mommy issues, so it makes sense" He's stroking his chin sarcasticly.
"Shut up, it's not like that between us, we're just neighbours."
"Sure buddy."
"I'm being honest, there's nothing going on." At least not for now.
"So you're telling me, you don't feel anything for her?"
That's not how I'd place those words but.
"No, what do you think? We've only known each other for like a month." I say.
"That's plenty." He says. "For the last ten minutes straight, I saw how you look at her." He says, clasping his hands behind his head.
"I was smiling at how Ayat was insisting her." I justify myself. I don't want to admit this soon. Not before I know what she feels.
"Yeah I guess that makes sense too." He's convinced that easily? But yeah, I guess, a month is more than enough to fall in love with someone. It's an end to another weekend.
"I uhm, joined an art studio" I say, rubbing my hands anxiously.
"Really?" His eyes widens. "That's amazing!" His hyped tone relaxed me. "Promise you'll show me every piece you make!" He lifts his pinky finger. "I promise" I laugh, slapping his hand away. "You know—" Sam's talking about something but my attention completely diverted behind him. There's someone—Sneaking, stalking us? A stolen moment, our eyes looked briefly before looking away.
"Hey excuse me?" My voice is loud. That person immediately starts to run the minute I point him out. "Sam! Someone was stalking us!"
"What?" Sam quickly stands up in frustration, accessing our surroundings. "Who?"
"It was a guy" hesitation swirls on our faces.
"Where did he go?"
"There!" I point.
Both of us began to run behind him, and he keps running away from us. The whole place is crowded, of course it is, it's a gigantic arcade. "Sorry! Move aside!" We yell as we cross people. He's getting away. I keep yelling to make him stop, as if that'd help. Sam and I sprinted down the stairs. His face twisted in mixture of anguish and longing. We ran down the basement parking lot. Suddenly I felt an eerie sensation, as if time itself was wrapping and bending around me. That suspected man's eyes flashed louder and Sam felt an irresistible urge to reach out, he bursts in speed, launching himself foward, Sam runs over to him, bumping him down on the floor while Sam grasps that man's arms behind him, Sam with his free hand then pulls that man's hair. "What the fuck were you doing!?" Sam shouts.
"Be careful." I say, as I catch my breath. The man is hurting.
"Who sent you!?" Sam shouts again.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" The man whimpers.
"Let's ask him calmly." I suggest.
"SAY IT!" But apparently Sam has his ways. Or shall I say, Faisal's way. Sam follows him blindly.
When that man says nothing, Sam twists his arm the opposite way and he screams in pain. "TELL ME!"
"Sam you're hurting him!" I yell. That's when I see two security guards far away. "Sam security is here, we have to go!" I yell.
"I worked FOR Jawad!" The man cries.
"Who sent you here!" Sam asks.
"I came myself!" That man's face is smudged against the dusted concrete floor, and I feel bad.
"Why!?"
Watching Sam talk. I can bearly recognise him anymore. Over the years of us working for Faisal. I can tell.. He's finally one of them now. Ditto.
"I wanted to see who did, what they did to Mr Jawad!" The man says.
"Lies!" Sam twists his arm again, and he screams sorrowly again. It's hurting him, God.
"Who is there?" One of the security guard yelled from afar, his torch light slowly reaching us.
"Ifan call Victor, take my phone, tell him to send someone." Sam pulls that man up. "You're coming with me buddy" Sam forcefully makes that man walk. "You go back to our girls, I'll take care of him." Sam says. And before the security guards could walk on us, Sam had left already. "What's that noise?" The torch that guard was holding flashed my face. "What's going on there?"
"Nothing sir, I just fell" I say. And all I could think of was..
"SAY IT!"
The brutal sense onSam'sface when twisting that man's arm.
Sam becomes so ruthless at times.. to the point he turns into a completely different person that I don't recognise. Who is he?
What is going on in his life?
I've missed so much of what happend. And the bitter part is, I don't want to know. Did I really abandon him?
Do I even know him?
Who is.. he?