"Greetings sir—oh I.. didn't thought we'd see you again" A gaurd at the gate greets me. Now that I've left I've realised how I never wanted this kingdom, how I never wanted to be treated like a so called king, how I never wanted to get fed with shiny gold spoons.
Took me awhile to understand that I'ts against my human morals, I'm just as much of a human as these garuds and peons, thus I very much dislike it when they call me sir. "Yeah you're right, I just have one last favour to ask." I awkwardly tsk. "I'll head inside now." I say, and he awkward just let's me go inside.
Okay maybe not just one. I have reasons to be here, maybe a fewer more than how I placed it but it's the same thing. One—get the love of my life her dream Christmas gift. Two— find out who tried to bloody murder my brother. And three— get the shit out of here. People muttering, discussing, entering paramedic room in emergencies, loading, reloading guns and weapons, teasing each other, laughing, getting ready, wounded— everyone's at their own risk, why are they so happy then? Six years of hell I spent here, all I could do was follow their lead. Whenever I felt like drowning, I'd spare a look at Sam and all my worries would fade into love. It's not normal how much love I have for this kid. I did a good thing when I set boundaries, right? Will I regret the decision I made moving away from him? Did I made him weak and alone? He's too stubborn anyway, he'd be fine without me. I did a good thing when I stated my arguments. Right? Deep sighs in Ifan. I've been here before. I've worked here, it's all alright. I'm just stressing for no reason, I'm being ridiculous.
"Hey, Jameel, meet me outside the hall, I need to talk to you." I rub my chin to be unnoticeable.
"Ifan, surprised to see you man."
"Yeah, me too." I leave the room. My feet hurts. It's only been a month and half or so, why is everyone acting surprised.
Ding.
A Notification.
I check. "Where are you?" A Text from Faiza, ma'am's already an investigater and we haven't even started a scene. That's cute, adorable actually.
Backdoor crank opens.
"What did you wanted to ask me?" He's a senior but when we reached a higher post than them, he kinda turned into an ick, you know—he started dick-riding us a lot more.. to recive an award or something, to the point it just became petty and annoying,
forgetting that he was here first. Another reason why I didn't like this place. Everyone becomes on sale from time to time, and I think Human worth shouldn't be that cheap. but at least he's respectful. This is a part reason why I don't want Sam here, because I know these men are puppets, greedy and bloody thirsty for a name. As soon as they get an order to slaughter Sam, they would. All those years wouldn't mean a thing to them. For a higher rank, for a award or a badge, they would risk all the time they spent with Sam within a minute, and they wouldn't even feel bad standing over Sam's body.
"I want you to do something for me, but keep this between us, do it privately." I say.
"What is it?"
"I want you to find me a wooden music box from bits and berries. The orgainal one, which has a Christmas star in it. It rotates with music. Keep in mind the music must be specific. 'A thousand years' instrumental. Do you get it?" I'm bit of a chitter box.
"What if that specific one is too old to be available?" He strokes his elbow.
"I don't care, move across the world If that's what it takes you. I don't care how much money it takes, just tell me and I'll transfer. But I want it before Christmas." I say.
"I'll try."
"No, you'll find it"
"Okay I will find it"
"The orginal one." I remind him.
"Yes sir."
"Before Christmas."
"Yes sir."
"Alright, now move." I tap his shoulder. My heart skipped a beat.
I'm shy— it makes my heart blush when I think of her. The things I feel for her is making me go insane but I'm holding it in.
I walk towards the staff meeting room. A gaurd at the door stops me. "Sir, it's busy, you can't go in right now." He flares his hand.
"Are you new? I'm here to see Sam."
"He's busy." His pupils go thiner, he's nervous.
"He's never busy enough for me, tell him, Ifan's here."
He's looking anywhere but at me.
"I've been told to not let anyone get in."
"Who forbid you?" I raise my eyebrow.
"I can't tell."
He's getting on my last nerve now. Should I bribe him? No, I hate that sorta authority over anyone.
"Go inform him."
"I.. uhm." He goes inside but keeps me outside. Poor guy, probably was threatened to not speak.
He came out quick. "Mr Sam said he's busy, ask Ifan to come later."
I chuckle lightly. "Yeah right" I shove him aside, walking inside myself. "Sir! Sir!"
The door closes behind me. Making him mute. He's lying, more like hiding something.
How do I know that? One way— because I know Sam would never say that.
Mr Sam huh? Sam really did achieve his goal.
I came to find some rotten fish, and I did. Something really is off, it wasn't just a hutch I felt. Class 102 taught us, pay close attention to the eyes. Human pupils are the window to the soul, they go smaller when someone's lying or is nervous. Shaky hands and avoiding eye contact are symptoms of anxiousness. Our— Their staff meeting room is like a cinema, I came in from the upstair door. The stage is downwards, I see Victor talking to someone, My gut tells me to dunk down, so I do that. Slowly crawling to hear what they're talking about.
"Sam's been with Faisal since the sunset, do you have any idea how much conversation in that amount of time can be talked!? they're sitting outside in the patio! Find out what they're talking about! Now!" He rudely pushes the guy through the door. And quickly dials a number on his mobile.
"Salim is a nut job, we shouldn't have trusted him, just like how we shouldn't have put my faith in Jawad. I want you to fucking slip in now."
Jawad—? The guy, Sam and I tortured about two months ago? Is that the same Jawad he's talking about?
He's acting strange. His body language isn't normal. He's tensed and sweating.
Who is he talking to?
"No you idiot! All I want is-" the door opens and someone slid inside. "Mr Faisal wants to see you."
And so he leaves with him.
The times like hell when I was here were mostly because of Victor, that bastard
always had a problem with us. He tried many times to make Faisal see what he called in his eyes, Sam's true colours, so that he'd get him fired.
Wait—wait wait..
No
No
No.
Son of a gun—its Victor..
It's Victor who's against Sam! he's always been. He's trying to...
A rock dropped down my gut.
He's trying to get rid of Sam. Of course he is.
I run outside to find Sam.
I catch him coming out of the backyard door.
"Hey, what are you doing here Ifan?" Sam's eyes meet mine. What am I doing here? What is he putting himself into!?
"I was here for something to pick but Sam now that you're here, I need to tell you something." I said as quickly as I could.
"Yeah buddy all hears." He's not his normal self. He looks pale.
"Something's off about everyone." I mean it. Something terrible is on the edge of this place, and I'm afraid he's standing in the way.
"What do you mean?" His nonchalant tone is bad. Very bad.
"I feel danger, let's go somwhere and talk." That may occur to him and not others.
"It's always been that way, it's a dangerous place brother, but I'll have to refuse your offer, I'm a bit busy." He's standing with his feet apart, his hands on his hip.
"I know but hear me out, after coming from a fresh point of view—"
"We get it, you live in a healthy environment now, you feel bad here. What do you want? An award for it?" Why is he being rude?
"It's not that Sam, you know what I mean, It's about victor, he's a threat—More than before."
"He's always been a threat." Sam says calmly.
"I know but he knows About Jawad"
"Don't we all?"
Come to think of it, I have no proof of my concerns.
"I heard him talk about Jawad on a call with someone, saying that he was a nut job." It sounded better in head.
"Ifan I don't have time for this, we all knew he was a nut job."
He's making me second guess about what I heard, but what if I'm exaggerating.
"You don't get it— wait." I'm low on information. "What do you mean he was?" I ask in hesitation.
"He's dead." Frustration spreads across his face.
"What? Really?" What did I miss?
"And do you know what the tragic part is?" He takes a step closer to me. "I'm the one who killed him." The irony he has in his voice makes me feel disgust.
A minute of pause stood between us.
He did not.
Oh my God..
He did.
What is it about Sam that even after hearing he not only tortured, but murdered a person is not making me hate him for it.
The connection I have for this man is something I'd never understand myself. Maybe because I know he wouldn't do such a thing if he wasn't in a vulnerable position. He would've been terrified, scared for Jawad's life. And I even know he must have tried everything to save him. That's how much I know you Sam. But you're making it so hard for me to have a proper conversation with you.
But now I know.
That's what bloody triggered him.
I don't know what to say to him.
He's being awfully rude about everything.
"Sam. I want you to be careful, more now than ever. It's hard for you to stay here longer." I'm so worried something bad will happen to him. A gut wreching thought but I can't help but to overthink.
"Ifan you also know why I have to stay here, until I don't get what I want, I'm not leaving. You have a goal to start a new life, you followed your path to the point you abandoned me. My goal is to find out who did what they did to my family and make them pay for it, Besides these people have grown on me, I like them—at least they know how to stay by someone's side." He literally said that to my face this calmly? He's being ruthless to me.
"It's funny how you say abandoned when all I've done is to be with you." Look what he did. Now my tone is as harsh as his.
"Where are you now?" He raises his brow.
My heart wants to sob at what he's saying.
He talks like he's the only one with problems to deal with— he acts like he's the only one who suffered. I've tried and tried to leave this place behind and when I'm finally able to. This is how he's being?
I'm only trying to help.
"I've always been with you." I say in disgust.
"Oh please. Go back to your perfect little life" He shush me with his hand floating.
Oh fuck him. For all I came here was to check on him and thats what I get? Taunting?!
"You're still not over it.." I genuinely ask.
I thought we talked that through. Why does he still has that in him? He's still holding grudges against me. He's still bothered. What can I do to make it right. He's making it so difficult for me to look forward, what is he on about? we all suffered in that household. I lost my parents, too. Why is he making me feel guilty for having a dream of a normal life. moreover I won't let him take that away from me because for once I'm happy with my life and genuinely happy with the decision I've made, it's new, yeah but isn't everything?
He said nothing in response.
"Don't get back there Sam" My jaw clenches hard.
"I'm not doing anything." He's manipulative.
"It still bothers you, doesn't it?" I'll be straightforward.
"No"
"You can't lie."
"Well yeah because I thought when I would do this, I'd have a trusted friend near me. Worse, I thought I'd have my best friend near me."
"I'm still with you, and it's not like it's got to do something with me anyway. You never even told me why you wanted to work here, and I don't want to think any other way but it still caught my brain. You're talking about trust when you're the one who was using me for shelter. You had it all planned out inside your head, that you'd leave me once you get accepted by Faisal. I was just a path to you anyway" disgust spreads across my face.
"That's true but after living with you I changed."
"And now I've changed." I say.
"Used is a strong word Ifan. Because now you have to be involved and included in order to support me."
Easy for him to say.
"Don't talk about support, it does not suit coming out of your mouth." My hands tightens in a fist.
"I didn't support you?" His eyebrows pull down in remorse.
"And look where that has gotten us." I'm too harsh. This is not me.
"The world wronged you too, you know." He draws the line.
"But I forgave the world and the beyond for doing me wrong. I done it a long time ago" I say. "But you wouldn't get it. You still carry that hatred, envy, and fire in your soul, which by the way is only burning you and no one else."
"Ifan!" He yells. "Shut the fuck up." His jaw stiffend, he's biting an insult back.
"No one likes to hear the truth buddy." I take a step forward. "You're not so strong now, are you?"
"I was, have been, and will always be strong." He squints his eye sarcasticly.
"Strong people don't live in hatred and revenge conspiracy."
"Well, I do. I'm sorry but after all that I've witnessed, I'm not backing up now" His lips curl up in disgust.
"Sure." I give him a pity smile. his hands clenched into a fist.
"Live in denial all you want. It's your life, go ruin it." My voice turns from pity to threatening. "But do me a favour, and stay away from my sister. She doesn't deserve to handle your mess."
He released a pityful chuckle. "Mess?" He says. "So now I'm a mess? Oh Ifan." He mockingly laughs. "Fuck you."
"I don't know, You were a bright child, I'm sad for what happened." I say.
"My mother fucking died Ifan.. right before my eyes, and I stood there, I'm still standing here, doing nothing." His chest heaved. "And you know what hurts more is knowing that she wanted to live." He inhaled a depressed pent up sigh. "She actually fucking wanted to live but that was taken away from her, not by some natural cause but because somone took it, purposely, forcefully took her right to fucking live!" Our eyes locked. "So forgive me if I can't live a normal life knowing that someone is freely walking around somwhere without any consequences.." He straightens his posture, And gave me no expression, whatsoever. I lost that bit of him today for sure. He's not wrong for taking revenge, but he is wrong for making me feel guilty.
"I've changed, same way you changed. People change. Get over it." He waves his hand.
"Look I don't want to agure with you anymore." I say. Because I really don't.
"I was happy with your decision but you decided to spit my decision like its a fucked up thing on my face" Sam makes a disgusted face.
"I did? You started it with your indirect comments on my healthy life." I talk back.
"Well, maybe I am jealous."
"Sam you can have everything and more than me." I smack my lips. "But I understand you have to do what you're doing and I'm here to root for you, I'm just so fucking scared to—"
"Don't complete. We often manifest what we fear." He sighs. "I know Ifan, me too."
We're both standing eye to eye.
Deep sighs in. "These people are capable of worse, way worse than what we can't even comprehead, I just want what's best for you." I say.
"Well you don't get to decide what's best for me or not, Ifan." He said, in irony but calm.
"I won't." I take a step back. Is this what this it? Are we setting limits to our friendship?
"Are you still coming to my apartment for Thanksgiving?" I ask formally. Yeah limits it is.
"Yeah yeah, one hundred percent." He replies formally, looking down at his feet.
Limits. This is what it is.
"See you then." I say— formally. Because it's in the limit.
But limits can break, they're supposed to be broken, when will this disagreement between us will end. I'm so sick of it already.
"All you see are obstacles, and all I see is options and opportunities." He breaks the ice, basically saying pay attention to the details there's always something hidden in them. Got it, I will pay a close focus on Victor. Even if I'm not a part of the underworld anymore, I'll make sure to keep an eye on him.
Sam isn't taking me seriously, and I don't blame him for it.
But Victor man. I'm on a serious watch.