Salim leans in to inform me . "Mr Zaid is here to see you." He whispers, I can see Sam's looking, he must be wondering what Salim's telling me, I can tell by looking in his eyes, he's feeling disconsolated towards me, but I know he trusts me, I won't invalidate his faith in me.
"Let him in my office." I command salim.
"I should get going" Before leaving Sam apologises to Salim. He has that good in him.
"Salim show Sam to door" I order.
"I know the way out, thankyou" Sam walks himself out.
-
I slide open my office's main door, someone is sitting on my one seater sofa placed on opposite of my chair, with his feet up on the table.
Disrespect is all I get from him.
"Zaid?" I ask.
He turns his head back to the sound of my footsteps.
"Oh Father! Father come in, come in-"
he's drunk. Enough of this disregard.
I take my seat. "Make yourself comfortable." I smile.
"Are you happy to see me?" How can I? When he reminds me of none other than my pain.
"Why are you here?" I ask.
"I need money." His eyes are red, he's been smoking pot.
"Of course you do." I sigh. It all makes sense.
"You know, I wasn't surprised when your gaurd didn't let me get inside before your permission." He sarcasticly says.
He's here, yet again to taunt me, to downgrade me.
"That's how rules work here Zaid. It's time for you to be mature now." I say calmly.
"Oh please dad— shut the fuck up." He mocking says. He is getting out of hands, I don't tolerate such blunder and ill manner from anyone, even if that being my own blood related son.
"I've given birth to such disgrace in my bloodline." I say, managing to avoid my frustration from outbursting. I rarely get tense.
He starts laughing, mockingly.
"I want you to leave." I say calmly.
"That's all I'll ever be to you." He's getting sentimental. There's no such thing as bonding when one can't stand on his feet for more than ten minutes.
He always finds a way to argure rather than to simply talk. He could have genuinely asked for money, why make an utter absurd scene?
"You're never gonna see me differently." He leans forward, hands on his knees.
"What have you ever done to earn my respect? What should I be proud of when all you do is pass out somewhere in the corner and be a cuss to my name." I raised my voice, yet calmly.
"When have you ever looked at me with a smile on your face? when have you ever looked at me the way you look at Sam?" He raised his voice, too.
Such contempt boy.
"Don't bring him in this conversation." I say, strictly.
"Why are you getting hurt?" He makes a mock up pouty face.
He is asking to argue.
"He's a brave, brilliant man, who has seen worse than you can ever imainge, he's been through what you can't even think of, and most importantly, that man has seen poverty in ways you aren't even aware of. I've given you luxury of a lifetime, You haven't even stepped a foot out in the world to know the struggle of it. Sam on the other hand has roamed around street to street to get the post he has now. What have you ever done?" I speak strictly.
"Wow-" He's applauding. "What a speech dad, for someone who isn't even your own son."
"He's more than my son."
"Why don't you die already dad?"
"You'll beg to God to bring me back when I die."
"Oh no no- trust me dad, I'll be the one to make you dead."
"Stay blessed, I'm occupied at the moment." I avoid looking at him because I want him to go.
"As expected." He storms away, shoving the door shut close behind him.
I inhale a deep breath in.
He has no idea what I've done for him. What I've lost and faced for him.
I'm a role model, inspiration of power and wealth. And he may right, I am cruel, but I had to face the unimaginable things he can only see in moves.
I do like when people beg to me, when people get on their knees for me, specially women. My youth was Gold, and so was yours Sarfaraz. I take the photograph of us in my hands.
I still remember the time when we fought over a girl.
I still remember the song that was playing behind in that cafe-
"Down by the old mill stream" by Harry macdonough and chorus. Playing in the background.
-32 years ago.
"What can I say, I'm a sport for women." I tease him.
"You were aware of my feelings for her, you yet blew me away. I even had procured a bouquet of flowers with the express intention of presenting my affection for her today." Sarfaraz sits down outside of a cafe full of light, he's the most antique man I've ever met, as he buries his face in his hands, I stand over him, I could sit next to him but that'd make my clothes dirty, I want to earn the highest rank of the rich and behold power inside my palms, it would be nasty to sit there. We're both wearing three-piece suit with a top hat and canes, my boots shining, I've took my precious time to clean it.
I'm a born leader, I'm born to become powerful, I'm born for all the luxury.
"I won't apologise sarf" I kept staring.
"I don't expect you to faz." He kept groaning in disconsolate expression.
"She lavished herself onto me." Excuses, I make them.
"I beg to be spared the particulars of this conversation, not to hear it." He says.
"It was supposedly a one night of charm, I couldn't bear to keep myself in when she began to disrope, she stripped her clothes down with a tantalising languor." I say.
"Silence is preferable to the utterance of these words." He raised his voice at me.
"I never wanted her to be impregnated by my child."
"Does she intend birthing?" Sarfaraz stood up.
"I'm not sure- I shall ask her first."
"Will you claim your responsibility?" Sarf has served justice, I don't think I can follow his footsteps.
"I suppose, I must." I suppose I must put my chance to gain that seat, aside. How many times.
How many times
How many times..
We sat through it all, The rain, the snow, the sand.
We sat through it all.
Here I am today, staring at our photo we took in that exact cafe.
I wonder if it's still there.
I had to tell that kid his father's relation with me.
Oh Sarfaraz, the things I'm still keeping for your sake, How we had to kiss the ring, but you were a gavone, now I've ranked your son as our underboss, don't get me wrong, he's certainly capable of it, I didn't give him that honour because of you but because he earned it, and I saw disappointment in his eyes when he walked away today, it won't sit right with me until I hear these words coming out from his mouth, I saw he feels like I've done a favor for his relation to you, he thinks that for now, pity he goes around thinking why he's here, and I'll have to come clean, I fear.
Oh Sarfaraz, the time when we were young and bold..
We gilded across the polished wooden floor, the music was playing with instrument's setting behind us, crowd's eyes were set on us, clapping and singing. You and I were charming, handsome, and very good dancers, we twirled and swayed to the rhythm, our foot tapping to the sound, we bow down with our hats as saluting, we extorted each other as a mockery play of a newly wed couple, the crowd laughed and had a blast time. We were in our tailcoats and top hats, wearing black trousers and white shirts, we gleamed in light. Everybody applauded.
A night to remember.
"Stand straight young boys." An elderly woman placed a camera to our faces.
"Come on Faz" Sarf called me. I stand beside him, I put my arm around his neck.
"Cheese" we sing as we grinned ear to ear.
Till this day, this photograph feels yet ounce to ounce, filled with life.
But then again when I remember..
"Sarfaraz! Don't leave me here please! It's cold here! Please don't leave me here! SARFARAZ!"
You had became malevolent.
How can I tell your child you weren't what he thinks you were? That you were, in truth, a denizen of the underworld, or you became so, to being a unmitigated evil.
A creature of despair..