Also known as: Wei Long Faces a Moral Crisis (for 12 Seconds)
After the Duel of Academies, Wei Long became something he feared more than death, assassins, or dumpling shortages:
A cultural phenomenon.
Scrolls bearing his "Sayings of Accidental Wisdom" began circulating in cities and villages. His disciples were invited to speak at temples. One goat was even knighted in a local festival.
Wei Long tried to stay out of it.
He spent his mornings fishing and his afternoons pretending to be a rock.
It was working—until a royal envoy arrived.
With trumpets.
And banners.
And a man in golden robes who introduced himself as:
"Envoy Hu Lan of the Ministry of Thoughtful Conquests."
Wei Long blinked. "That's a real ministry?"
"It is now."
The envoy bowed. "Master Wei Long, the Emperor has heard of your teachings. He requests your guidance… to reform the imperial education system."
Wei Long choked on his tea.
"I can't even organize my own shoes."
"The Emperor says your chaos is the purest truth. He has cleared a position in the palace. You would become…"He unfurled a scroll with unnecessarily large calligraphy.
"The Supreme Philosopher of Unintentional Enlightenment."
Wei Long took a long breath. "Can I say no?"
The envoy looked deeply uncomfortable. "…The palace has already carved your name on a pillar."
Wei Long fell back onto the ground. "I'm being sculpted into history without consent."
Lin Qian and Duan Fei were ecstatic.
"Master! This is your calling!""You can change the empire!"
Wei Long stared at them like they'd both been possessed.
"I tripped on a goat and people thought I invented a footwork technique. That's not a calling. That's bad luck with style."
But deep inside, he knew—things were changing. Rapidly.
He sat by his small pond that night, watching the moon ripple in the water. The goats were asleep. The disciples snored. Even the wind had paused to listen.
And he muttered:
"…What if I really do end up in charge of something important?"
There was silence.Then a distant thud.
A squirrel had fallen out of a tree and landed beside him with a scroll tied to its back.
He unrolled it.
It read:
"Help us. The Cult of Pure Flame has taken the village of Liushan. They burn libraries and force-feed chili to babies. We heard you defeated poison sects with livestock. Please come."
Wei Long sighed.
"…I knew peace was suspicious."
He stood. For once, not because someone dragged him.
The next morning, Lin Qian found a note:
"Gone to stop a chili cult. Back in time for dumplings. Maybe."
And thus, for the first time…
Wei Long left voluntarily.
To be continued...