Also known as: Please Stop Worshipping Me
It started with a fruit offering.
Just one, left outside the gate of Mount Chaos. A ripe peach with the words "For the Enlightened One Who Sleeps Sideways" carved delicately into its skin.
Wei Long blinked at it. "Weird."
By noon, there were seven more peaches, a bag of handmade dumplings, and a painted scroll showing him riding a goat into battle while the heavens wept.
"Okay," he muttered. "Very weird."
By sunset, an entire caravan of worshippers had arrived — all dressed in matching robes that said:
"Long Live the Unstructured Path!""Sneeze. Rise. Ascend.""He Who Steps Wrong But Lands Right."
Wei Long stood there in stunned silence as over 200 cultivators bowed in unison.
One woman stepped forward, eyes glowing with reverence."Great Master Wei Long! We have formed the Cult of Wei Long in your honor!"
Wei Long took a step back. "That… sounds like a lawsuit."
Another disciple — a buff man with a broken sword and glowing tattoos — held out a scroll. "We chant your teachings daily!"
He unrolled it:
"Trip often. Sleep well. Complain freely.Tea is enlightenment.If you see a melon, honor its peel."
Wei Long stared at them. "You… made this up."
"We interpreted your wisdom, Master!"
Lin Qian pulled him aside.
"Master, you have followers now! They're powerful too! One of them summoned a spirit phoenix while sneezing!"
Wei Long squinted. "That's a thing now?"
Duan Fei ran up, out of breath. "Master! They're building a statue. Out of radishes!"
"…Radishes?!"
"Enchanted ones!"
Wei Long turned back to the Cult.
"Listen. I'm not a sage. I'm not a god. I just have bad luck and fast reflexes."
The crowd gasped.
"He speaks in riddles again!"
"Even his denial is part of the grand Dao!"
A teenager fainted from over-comprehension.
As night fell, the Cult of Wei Long began their "Evening Ceremony of Enlightened Incompetence" — which consisted of everyone lying flat on the ground and pretending to be asleep for thirty minutes to "absorb the Master's Realm."
Wei Long sat on a rock, face in hands."This is spiraling."
Behind him, a glowing portal opened.
A new figure stepped out: tall, cloaked, and emanating powerful suppression aura.
The Cult gasped."An enemy sect?""A challenger?""Or… a melon inspector?"
The figure removed their hood.
A woman with silver hair and a sword wreathed in fog stepped forward.
"You are Wei Long?"
Wei Long stood up. "Unfortunately."
"I am Bai Ruoyun of the Mistblade Pavilion," she said. "I have come to test your Dao. I don't believe a man can ascend through naps and tea stains."
Wei Long raised a hand. "Look, if we could not test anything for the rest of my life, I'd be grateful."
But Ruoyun had already drawn her blade.
"Defend yourself."
The Cult screamed. "NO! HE MUST NOT FIGHT! HE IS TOO MYSTICAL!"
One threw themselves in front of Wei Long.
Another launched an attack at Bai Ruoyun shouting, "PROTECT THE BUNNED ONE!"
Within seconds, battle erupted.
Not because Wei Long fought back.
But because his fan club did.
Lightning. Fire. Mist. Goat-styled body arts. Radish bombs.
It was chaos.
It was beautiful.
It was terrifying.
Wei Long stood in the center, untouched, sipping tea.
"I… really have no idea what's going on anymore."
And somewhere, in the clouds above, the heavens trembled — because one fact was now undeniable:
Wei Long had created something beyond sects. Beyond cultivation.
He had created… a movement.
To be continued…