Soshan's pov
I never meant to get tangled up in someone like her.
When I first got reuelle's number, I told myself it was harmless curiosity. A friend gave me after asking for it. She seemed cool, maybe a little different, he said. And she was. From the very first "hi" to the way our conversation flowed like we'd been speaking for years, there was something effortless about her. It felt real. It felt …. Possible.
But then, like a cold snap out of nowhere, came the rumor.
"She's into guys" someone had said. Not cruelly, just causally—like it was common knowledge. "Didn't you hear she dated on of the guys from the law department". "Oh yeah they were pretty serious. I think they still talk."
And suddenly, everything I'd let myself feel started to fold itself. I told myself to back off. To protect my heart before it grew legs and walked into something it wasn't welcome in.
Because if reuelle was straight—and worse possible still seeing someone—what was I to her? Just a friend? A phase? A curiosity she was toying with until she returned to what was familiar?
I didn't want to be that. I'd been that once and the wound hadn't healed right.
So when I saw her in class that day—when she walked in five minute late, her head ducked like a guilty schoolgirl—I didn't expect the punch of emotion that hit me. She looked. Radiant. Like she wasn't trying, but everything in my chest. It made me smile, even if just a little. Even if just to myself.
She looked flustered, clearly trying not get caught by the lecturer. Her eyes scanned the room quickly, skipping over the empty seat beside me. I wished she'd taken it. God, I wished she had. But she slid behind me instead, her energy so close I could feel it pressing against my spine.
She leaned forward slightly, her voice soft as she apologized to nomi for being late.
Then she looked up.
And saw me.
There it was—the beat of recognition, the pause, the shift in the air. I didn't know what to do. So I did the stupidest thing possible. I nodded.
A single awkward nod. Cold. Distant. Like we were barely acquaintances. I don't know why I did it. Maybe panicked. Maybe I was still hurt. Maybe I was trying to protect myself from a smile. I wasn't sure was mine to receive anymore.
I hated it the second it happened.
I felt her eyes on me for the rest of the class. Felt the questions swirling in the silence behind me. But I couldn't turn around. I couldn't let myself look again. So I leaned toward Nomi and asked something I already knew the answer to—just to seem unfazed. Just to pretend.
When class ended, my body wanted to stay. To say something. To explain. To feel something more.
But my mind—my pride—got in
But my mind—my pride—got in the way. So I stood, straightened my bag, and walked out like I hadn't felt anything at all .
Even though I did.
Even though I still do.
As I walked out that lecture hall with nomi beside me, my heart was still beating in two places—behind me, where reuelle sat with her eyes full of questions I hadn't answered, and inside me, tangled in everything I couldn't say.
Nomi was talking about class, something about a lab assignment, but I wasn't really listening. I nodded in the right places, laughed when she did, and kept my steps even. I couldn't risk looking back, even though every part of me dreamed to. I knew If I did, I'd crumble.
I followed her down the hall, my heart dragging behind me like it had something left to say.
We met nova at the library step—bright, talkative and unaware of the storm brewing behind my eyes. She greeted us both with that big, carefree energy of hers, and I had to fake another smile just to keep up.
"where is Reu?" nomi asked, scanning behind us as she fell into step.
Nova gave a soft smile "she is probably went to see who kept her always smiling."
I flinched.
Nomi raised an eyebrow. "I think it's that bio guy that got her smiling again. I mean, you saw how she used to be around him. Some girls don't really move on from that kind of first."
That kind of first. A sharp jolt flickered in my chest.
"She said they were over" I murmured, before I could stop myself.
Nomi raised a brow. "you've been talking to her?"
I hesitated. "Not really. Just…. heard."
"well even if she said it's over, that doesn't mean it actually is," nomi said with a smirk. "some people like to keep things lowkey, especially If there's I drama involved."
Nova nodded in thought. " or maybe it's someone new. Could be a girl, you never know."
Nomi laughed, a little too quickly. "yeah, right. Reuelle? Come on. That girl scream hopelessly straight. Too soft, too romantic. She's not exactly… exploring."
My jaw tensed.
Nomi caught herself and added with a breezy shrug, "I mean, no offense if you're into that. I'm totally cool with people doing their thing. Love is love, or whatever."
That fake allyship disgusted me more than if she'd just been honest. The kind of comment made to make her feel open—minded, while quietly shutting down any possibility. It was casual erasure, brushed off with a smile.
Neither of them knew what they were talking about.
They hadn't seen the way Reuelle looked at me that night. They hadn't felt what I felt in that kiss. They didn't know the message we exchanged afterward—the favorite songs, the late—night voice notes, the way we danced around telling the truth because we were both terrified of it.
But now, if nova was right… if reuelle was smiling, glowing, texting someone else…
Then maybe I was the only one who believed any of it meant something.
That maybe I was the only one who believed any of it meant something.
That thought burned. Hot and slow, like betrayal.
I followed them to the café patio, laughing when I needed to, nodding when expected. But inside, I was spiraling. Wondering if I'd been played, or if reuelle was just better than I was.
Or worse—if I was the only one heartbroken at all.
That night, I finally did it. I opened our chat, hovered over her name… and blocked her. Not because I didn't care.
But because caring was killing me, and it seemed like she'd already stopped.