I wonder how many times I've experienced my mind being dominated by a void like this.
Before the scene that was beyond his comprehension, Subaru stood there, speechless, just as he had done so many times before.
I've been beaten down. So many times. I feel like whining and thinking that it's about time I was saved.
So again and again, I have witnessed tragedy.
In front of Subaru, who was still standing, a blue-haired girl was lying on a bed.
Her face was pale and lifeless, and her eyes were closed and would never open again. The thin nightgown she was wearing, which was probably just for a day like this, suited her well to her youthful appearance, compared to her mature image.
Subaru suddenly realizes that he has never seen her in anything other than her maid uniform. And the first time he sees her in anything other than that, it is her final outfit.
"Why...Rem?"
Subaru muttered, running his hands through his hair and looking down.
Faced with a situation that made no sense to me, my head was spinning aimlessly and hurting terribly. I was probably also tired from lack of sleep. Thinking was an awful chore.
Each time it happened four times in fact, and Subaru had been killed three times, so she was the culprit he should be most wary of.
Roswaal, who may give orders to silence her, and Ram, who is likely in a similar position, are in the same situation, but there is no doubt that they have judged Rem to be the biggest obstacle this time, having actually lost their lives.
Therefore, this time he kept them at a distance, and even persuaded the reluctant Beatrice to get involved, postponing the situation and lengthening his life.
As a result, it was good news that we were able to make it to the morning of the fifth day.
"Why has the situation changed so much...?"
It should be Rem who tries to kill Subaru, not the other way around, and I can't think of any reason why Rem would be killed.
Suddenly, Subaru took a step forward to see if she was really dead. The girl was lying on the bed with her arms folded over her chest, and her face was calm, as if she had been cleaned up after death, no matter who did it.
He reaches out his hand and tries to touch the motionless body. But...
"--Don't touch me!"
Subaru's hand was slapped by a vigorously swung arm, and he groaned softly and raised his head.
On the other side of the bed, Ram was clinging to Rem and crying. Ram's tears still showed no signs of stopping.
"Don't touch Rem... don't touch Ram's sister."
It's a word of rejection that leaves no room for anything.
With those words, Ram clung to Rem again and whispered to her while crying quietly. Her devoted and painful appearance was like that of a mother telling a fairy tale to her sleeping child.
Despite her older sister's pitiful behavior, there was no sign of her younger sister waking up and noticing.
A pale face, pale lips, and a body that had stopped beating.
Seeing them up close, Subaru finally accepts reality.
--Rem was really, truly dead.
"It's probably magical. It seems more like hexism than magic though."
As Subaru stumbled out of the room, Roswaal, who was standing next to the door, voiced his speculation.
With his fingers raised, his long indigo hair slightly tightened his usual relaxed expression.
"The cause of death was exhaustion. While he slept, his vitality was stolen, his heartbeat was slowly distanced, and just as he slept, the flame of life was snuffed out."
Subaru raised his head at the word "sorcery."
It was a hypothesis that sounded familiar. And Subaru also had a connection with the cause of death that Roswaal spoke of.
That was correct, it was the kind of abnormality Subaru had experienced in the circumstances of his second death. Assuming that this was likely the cause of Rem's first death, it would mean that the cause of her death this time was the same as Subaru's first, and indirectly the second.
However,
"I absolutely thought that the weakening magic was also instigated by Rem."
The second time, he was weakened by magic and his head was crushed with an iron ball.
Thinking back to that situation, Subaru couldn't be blamed for assuming that the crimes were committed by the same person. However, in reality, Rem had been killed by a curse, and Subaru had thus survived not only the effects of the curse, but even the baptism of the iron ball.
In other words,
"Are Jujutsu and Rem separate? What about their cooperation?"
In the case of the second cause of death, the attack occurred after the victim was weakened by the curse. It would be natural to assume that they were working together, but what about this case?
Subaru shook his head, thinking of a falling out. Besides, he didn't understand the sorcerer's position. Given the conditions, it would be strange if the sorcerer wasn't someone close to the mansion.
Otherwise, he would not have any opportunity to come into contact with Rem, and above all, he must be a person whose motives and conditions overlap with Rem's actions.
Considering what the Third World said, Rem's attempt to kill Subaru to silence him was for Roswaal's benefit. It indirectly helped to remove an obstacle for Emilia, but it was an act of loyalty, even if it went too far.
Therefore, the premise that had driven Subaru to the brink of mentally being unable to avoid it was now greatly shaken by his relationship with the sorcerer.
Unable to come up with a satisfactory explanation, Subaru touched his chin as he thought, unable to hide his irritation. With the accumulated fatigue, the blood flowing through his brain was at its worst.
Even though he knew there was no way he would come to a satisfactory conclusion, Subaru, who could do nothing but think, had no choice but to think.
"Could it be that the cooperation has been scrapped and it's a completely separate matter...?"
What if there is no relationship between Rem and the sorcerer?
The first time, Subaru was targeted by the sorcerer and died. The second time, Subaru was under the sorcerer's spell and Rem killed him for some reason. The third time, Rem killed Subaru purely out of loyalty. The sorcerer had nothing to do with this.
And this time for the fourth time,
"I didn't do anything, so Rem became the sorcerer's target...?"
The causal relationship is unclear. To begin with, it is unclear why Subaru's life would be targeted by this so-called sorcerer. Alternatively, it is possible that the sorcerer is targeting everyone in the mansion, but if that is the case, it is hard to imagine why important people like Roswaal and Emilia would be left out, and people of lower status like Subaru and Rem would be prioritized as targets.
In the end, unless the sorcerer's true identity was revealed, this would just go around in circles. Feeling like he was at a dead end, Subaru's thoughts stagnated, and he clicked his tongue in frustration, cutting his thoughts off. And,
"You seem to have been seriously worried about it, don't you?"
Roswaal muttered as he looked down at Subaru from a slightly higher position. His heterochromatic blue and yellow eyes narrowed as if he was assessing Subaru, and Subaru naturally frowned in annoyance at having his inner thoughts revealed to him.
Roswaal must have realized his own rudeness. He quickly straightened up, nodded at Subaru, and
"Forgive me. I guess I'm a bit annoyed too. It's really embarrassing to see my beloved servant go through this."
Despite his apologies, Roswaal's attitude never truly softened. He crossed his arms and tapped his fingers lightly on them,
"Roast it with fire, wash it with water, carve it with the wind, and sink it into the earth. -- I don't think I could return the favor unless I did those things. I know it's a bit strange to ask, but... guest, do you have any idea?"
The words were muttered in a low voice, and there wasn't even a hint of joking in it.
Roswaal stares testingly at Subaru, uttering what must have been his honest, threatening words. Subaru suddenly realizes just how bad the situation he finds himself in, and wonders how he should respond. However, before he could open his mouth, a voice cuts in.
"You told me to be on my guard last night. That's what you said, Subaru."
Turning his head, Subaru's eyes widened in shock, he saw a grey cat moving its short arms as if washing its face - Puck.
Subaru was speechless at his unexpected remark, and Puck tilted his head,
"Both emotionally and out of gratitude, I would love to side with you. But if I prioritize that and misjudge things, there will be a child who will not be rewarded."
Turning his dark eyes gently towards the room, Puck rubbed his pink nose with his hand.
Although he was still as playful as usual, he was probably still thinking about Rem's death.
"If there are any regrets or doubts, the soul will not be saved and will fall into the hands of the devil. That is a sad thing, both for me as a simple spirit and for me as someone who has had some contact with that child."
Puck shook his head, saying that he'd said what he wanted to say, and curled up again. Beatrice watched him silently in the palm of her hand, gazing at Subaru in the same manner.
What sort of emotions were in those expressions? Even though she was such an expressive girl, Subaru right now couldn't even ascertain that.
"...Subaru."
Emilia tugs on Subaru's sleeve with an anxious look on her face, and looks at him with tearful eyes, as if pleading for something.
A simple call out to anyone, asking if they know anything, conveys the message.
While Subaru wanted to throw himself wholeheartedly into answering her plea, he also felt the urge to push her away as she clung to him.
"If there's anything I know," everyone blurted out lightly.
But, if that was really the case, that was something Subaru wanted to shout about louder. If there was anyone out there who knew the truth of the situation, he wanted them to come forward right now. And answer all the questions that were floating around in his mind like a mountain, and pull him out of this dead end with no way out.
However, in reality, no such convenient mastermind would appear, and the meaning of the four pairs of gazes directed at Subaru would never change.
His advice to Puck, which he had thought was for the best, had backfired this time. Even Puck would have felt distrust for Subaru, who knew something but wouldn't say anything. And Emilia, who had a deep connection with Puck, was naturally suspicious of Subaru as well.
He had been going around the place again and again, struggling to improve each time. However, every time he tried something, it backfired, and he returned with a situation worse than he had ever imagined. Surrounded by enemies, how many times would he have to repeat that before he would experience the same heartache as Subaru?
"Subaru."
Emilia called out her name clearly.
Subaru's silent attitude was proof that she had doubts that could not be wiped away. Her reaction was so natural, yet Subaru felt a sense of sadness as he thought about it.
How could he convince them when he knew next to nothing about it? Or perhaps they would be disappointed in Subaru for not knowing anything at all.
Jumbled, disorganized thoughts.
At that moment, I thought to myself, I just want to feel better.
The world's stagnation and black mist - as if triggered by Subaru's resignation, it once again eroded the world, feeding on his resignation.
He was at a loss for words. No, his lips didn't even move as they spoke.
Naturally, neither his hands, feet, eyes nor tongue could move, and even the air was completely cut off from the world. Subaru was literally rendered speechless by the return of an absolute space of silence and stillness, with sound and movement all but gone.
The other day, when he had decided to tell Emilia about 『Return by Death』, an unreasonable phenomenon had forcibly blocked him from doing so.
The black mist creates a black arm more quickly and gracefully than before. The hand, which previously reached from the wrist to the elbow, now appears as just the outline of a upper arm.
Just like last time, the arm showed no sign of hesitation as it slipped into Subaru's chest as he stopped. It gently stroked his innards and sternum, reaching his heart.
--In an instant, all thoughts vanished, and a pain so intense it could instantly kill the soul shook his entire body.
"Subaru?!"
Hearing Ui's sorrowful voice, Subaru realized he had returned to reality.
He was on his knees, clutching his chest, with profuse sweat running down his forehead, and breathing heavily.
Raising his hand lightly to a worried Emilia, Subaru looked back at the current phenomenon.
When Subaru was about to tell Emilia about "Return by Death," the black mist warned him and prevented him from doing so.
And if he showed up this time too, for a similar reason――
"Is it impossible to explain without touching on the contents of the loop...?"
At the very least, it was hard to imagine that Subaru could have dodged the relentless questioning with the way he was feeling earlier. But if that was the case, this was the worst case scenario.
Subaru, who wanted to let out his inner thoughts, and others who wanted to unravel Subaru's inner thoughts. The Black Mist couldn't have asked for a better opportunity to shine.
Never-ending questions meant never-ending torture. The moment Subaru realized this, his lips trembled and he stepped back, terrified at the thought of unbearable pain.
The act is
"--If you know something, I won't let you get away."
To the girl, who was crying in the room, it seemed an unforgivable act of foolishness.
In an instant, a gust of wind shook the door to the room violently, sending waves of wind slamming into Subaru's bangs. Just as he closed his eyes to the inevitable storm,
"Izu...!"
A sharp pain pierces his cheek, and Subaru instinctively covers his face with his hand. When he touches it, he feels a damp sensation of blood dripping from the freshly opened wound.
Realizing that the injury was caused by the wind, Subaru went back into the room in shock.
Gently stroking her younger sister as she lay on the bed, the pink-haired girl turned her other hand towards Subaru, glaring at him with rage in her eyes.
"If you know anything, tell us everything."
「Wait, Ram! That's…」
The only foolish thing I did was to restrain myself from saying I couldn't do it.
The moment he said that, there would be no way to resolve the situation. But even if he stopped himself from saying it, he couldn't think of a single word to break the deadlock.
Subaru doesn't know what will trigger that warning to come again.
The fear of that pain causes him to lose his ability to make correct judgments regarding Ram.
As a result, Subaru's words trailed off and he was unable to calm her down.
Subaru remained silent, and Ram once again blew out a gust of wind as a warning.
If a clichéd expression could be allowed, it was a phenomenon that could be called a 『Blade of the Wind』.
It was most likely a spell related to wind. The spell that created the kamaitachi flashed with a sharp slash, slicing through the walls and doors in its path to Subaru, and striking a blow that split open his cheek - then it suddenly vanished.
Subaru and Ram were shocked and choked up.
"---I'm a proponent of keeping promises."
Muttering, a girl with cream-colored hair stood in front of Subaru.
Beatrice lightly shook her raised palm, without any pride at having so casually wiped out the Kamaitachi that Ram had unleashed,
"I wonder if Betty will be responsible for this human's safety while he's in the mansion."
"Lady Beatrice...!"
Beatrice spoke in a bored tone, causing Ram to bite her lip in exasperation.
Glancing at her attitude, Beatrice looked up at the tall figure standing beside her,
"Roswaal. Your servants are being rude to your guests. As the master of the mansion, how do you judge that?"
When the water was poured upon him, Roswaal frowned for just a moment. But he quickly regained his usual composure, closed one eye, shrugged his shoulders, and said,
"It is certainly a pity. If possible, I would like to welcome him as a guest again as soon as possible. As soon as he has spoken his mind and is free to carry on his duties."
"...This guy was in Betty's Forbidden Library last night. So he shouldn't have anything to do with this incident."
"The importance of placing importance on the situation is no longer there. Beatrice, surely you are well aware of that?"
The negotiations break down, and Roswaal shrugs and turns his palms up, when suddenly, multiple colorful sparkles appear on his palms.
Even Subaru, who knew absolutely nothing about magic, realized that this was concentrated magical power that he could see.
Red and blue, yellow and green――four pale colors of light floated about, though he couldn't tell just how out of the ordinary they were.
Beatrice snorted in appreciation of Roswaal's performance,
"You're still the same clumsy young man. You have a little bit of talent, you work just a little harder than others, and you're just a little blessed with a good family background and a teacher… you think that's enough to get you out of being a jack of all trades and master of none?"
"You're still as harsh as ever. But I'd be lying if I said I'd never thought about trying it out – just how different it is for you to spend your time in a room where time stands still, compared to us who are always walking."
A surge of magical power arises between the two of them, giving Subaru the illusion that the air is distorting.
Unaware of the situation, the two of them leave Subaru, the party involved, behind and raise their fighting spirits.
Subaru himself doesn't know why this has happened, but the fact that he can't utter the words to stop the two of them is something he can only grit his teeth at.
"But, to the point that you put your life on the line to protect him, I wonder if you really like him?"
"Let's keep the jokes to sexual preferences, Roswaal. Betty's ideal is Nii-cha himself. I wonder if that human isn't cute enough or hairy enough for her."
As Roswaal increases the visible four colors of magical power, Beatrice remains calm and doesn't take any action.
However, standing close by, Subaru could sense that an overwhelming phenomenon was occurring around the girl, who was simply standing there, as if the space was being distorted.
It was simply the aftermath of concentrated power, and just imagining how effective that directed power could be sent chills down one's spine.
"Why are you doing all this?"
"The contract is absolute. If you break it, Betty will no longer be Betty. Being faithful to the contract takes priority above all else."
Responding to Roswaal's sigh, Beatrice added, "That's true."
"If he took advantage of this situation and used his contract with Betty, would that make him a complete fraud?"
"I! That's not what I meant...!"
Glancing sideways at Subaru, Beatrice quickly averted her emotionless eyes.
What Subaru wanted from her was to view the phenomenon related to the causes of death up until now as dangerous.
I certainly didn't want to be in this situation.
"I don't care, I don't care about all that!"
It was Ram who cut into the exchange, stomping his feet.
With everyone watching, she clutched the hem of her skirt tightly.
"Don't get in the way, let Ram be. If you know anything about Rem's enemy… tell me everything. Help Ram… help Rem…"
It was a heartbreaking plea, but Subaru had no words to respond.
What was meted out to him in silence was an invisible blade of rage and disappointment. However, once again, it was blocked before it could reach Subaru.
"I'm sorry, Ram. But I still want to believe in Subaru."
Standing next to Beatrice, keeping Ram in check, was Emilia.
She turned her palm towards Ram, placed the pack on her shoulder and walked towards Subaru. Then she bowed her head slightly as if searching for words.
"Subaru, please… If you can save Ram and Rem, will you tell me everything?"
The affection expressed in that message made Subaru feel small and ashamed.
Even now, after all that, Emilia still tries to stand by Subaru's side, even though he hadn't shown any good behavior in this round and was still keeping his mouth shut and refusing to discuss the most important things.
And also at my own weakness, not being able to give anything in return for her kindness.
"sorry--"
Leaving that statement behind, Subaru backed away, putting some distance between him and her.
For a moment, Emilia reached out her hand to stop him, but before it could reach Subaru, it was diverted to intercept the wind blade that was unleashed, and as a result, no one there was able to stop Subaru in his tracks.
「Subaru――」
Shaking off the voices calling out to him, Subaru dashed down the corridor without a care in the world. He felt a clash of magical powers behind him, but he didn't even have the courage to turn around.
Despite Emilia's efforts, Subaru lacked the courage to face that fear.
She was weak. She was hopelessly fragile. So she ignored all the kindness and goodwill and ran away to pursue her own selfish interests.
I don't know what to do anymore.
Where to go, what to think, everything.
just--,
"--I'll definitely kill you!!"
A blood-curdling girl's scream could be heard from behind.
With half her body gone, all that follows is her body-rending cry of revenge.
And then, desperate to get away, covering his ears, shaking his head, and making voiceless noises, Subaru dropped everything and ran.
I kept running.