After surviving the Festival of Fools, Freya decided to take a break. A real break. The kind that involved zero flaming ducks, no mime combatants, and most importantly—no sentient cabbage filing clerks.
Unfortunately, the System had other plans.
Pixel popped into her vision one morning, hovering over her head like an excited wasp. "Good morning, Freya!"
"No."
"You haven't heard the announcement yet."
"If it's another tournament involving livestock, I will unalive myself with a carrot."
Pixel handed her a scroll titled: "Temporary Employment Acquisition Protocol: Your Path to Glorious Capitalist Mediocrity!"
Freya sighed. "Pixel, explain. Slowly. As if talking to someone who hasn't slept since the pancake tried to recruit her into a cult."
"The System says you need to acquire a job."
"What kind of job?"
Pixel's eyes sparkled like a unicorn on caffeine. "ANY job! It's a side quest titled: 'Freya Joins the Workforce.' The reward is... health insurance."
Freya blinked. "There's health insurance in this world?"
"Only if you're employed. Or royalty. Or technically undead."
---
Quest Accepted: Freya Joins the Workforce
Objective: Secure any form of gainful employment for at least one (1) full working day.
Reward: Health insurance voucher (expires in 24 hours).
Bonus: Keep your sanity (not guaranteed).
---
Option 1: Bard Barista at Latte & Lute
She arrived at the café, where employees took orders in rhyming couplets and latte art was considered an ancient spell.
"Welcome to Latte & Lute," sang a purple-haired elf. "Would you like to work or loot?"
Freya stared. "...Work?"
They handed her an apron that sang when you spilled coffee. She was partnered with a talking squirrel named Brewster, who had strong opinions on foam density.
Freya tried to make a cappuccino.
The milk exploded.
Brewster scowled. "You frothed it wrong. That milk had feelings."
"It screamed," Freya pointed out.
"Exactly."
She lasted ten minutes before the espresso machine summoned a minor demon.
---
Option 2: Potion Quality Assurance Inspector
Next stop: Alchemical Innovations Ltd., a factory that brewed potions and insisted on taste-testing every batch.
"Side effects may include invisibility, random dancing, or growing an extra elbow," said the recruiter cheerfully.
"That seems... excessive."
"Nonsense! We believe in full-body experiences."
Her first test was a pink potion labeled: Mood Enhancement + Lizard Appreciation.
Freya took a sip. Suddenly she felt overwhelming joy.
And also the deep emotional conviction that lizards were misunderstood philosophers.
She ran into the streets screaming, "SCALE WISDOM! LISTEN TO THE LIZARD TRUTH!"
Disqualified.
---
Option 3: Dungeon Tour Guide
"People love dungeons," said the manager. "But they get lost. Or stabbed. Or eaten. You'll walk tourists through and narrate the danger."
"Don't I need qualifications?"
"Have you been in at least three dungeons and nearly died in all of them?"
"...Yes."
"Perfect!"
Her tour group consisted of:
A honeymooning orc couple.
A grandmother with an explosive knitting hobby.
Three children on magical sugar highs.
A merchant looking to loot lost luggage.
"To your left," Freya announced, "you'll see the Room of Forever Screaming. Don't touch anything."
A child touched something.
The walls howled.
Freya sighed. "You had ONE job, Timmy."
She completed the tour. Barely. Grandma took down a mimic with a sock needle. The merchant found a suitcase filled with cursed socks.
Freya received a gift basket of teeth and a coupon for discounted monster repellant.
---
Option 4: Reality Show Star – "So You Think You Can Summon?"
She accidentally walked onto the set of a magical reality show.
"Contestant Four! Summon your inner beast!" yelled the host.
Freya shrugged and summoned her rage.
A flaming chicken with anxiety appeared.
Judges were impressed.
"You summoned the embodiment of Monday mornings," one whispered in awe.
She advanced to the finals but was disqualified after her chicken set fire to the sponsor's banners.
---
Option 5: Freelance Curse Remover
"I lift curses. No questions asked," Freya told her first client, a noble whose nose had been turned into a flute.
"I beg of you, no more polka sneezes," he cried.
She used every skill she had. Ritual chants, anti-magic gum, and threatening the curse with eviction notices.
Success.
The noble gifted her a mansion. It exploded five minutes later—classic delayed fuse curse.
"Well," she said, wiping ash from her eyebrow, "still counts."
---
Option 6: Library Guard at the Hall of Forbidden Tomes
"Do not read the books," the head librarian warned. "Do not speak to the books. Do not LOOK at the books."
Freya nodded.
Thirty minutes in, a book whispered, "Psst. Wanna learn necro-yoga?"
Another offered her coupons for blood spells.
Freya threw herself out a stained glass window to escape. The librarian clapped. "You passed!"
---
Option 7: Bureau of Mundane Affairs (a desk job, finally)
Desperate for a safe gig, Freya applied to a government office where her only job was to stamp papers and deny requests for magical plumbing licenses.
Her coworkers included:
A sentient cactus who sighed a lot.
A ghost who filed complaints about the temperature.
A talking stapler that kept screaming "I was once a prince!"
At lunch, she attended a seminar on "How to Look Busy Without Actually Doing Anything." She passed with flying colors.
She lasted until 3 PM, when her stapler tried to eat her hand.
---
Final Evaluation
Freya returned to the quest board, disheveled, glowing faintly from side effects, and carrying a gift basket of teeth.
Pixel fluttered in. "Technically, you worked seven jobs in a single day. You are now overqualified!"
The system dinged.
QUEST COMPLETE: FREYA JOINS THE WORKFORCE
Insurance Voucher Gained
Title Unlocked: Part-Time Everything
New Passive: Increased Resistance to Corporate Nonsense
Freya collapsed on a hay bale. "Pixel. I want a nap. For a year."
Greg appeared, sipping a green smoothie that growled occasionally. "You've earned it, champ."
Freya blinked. "Greg, why is your smoothie... snarling?"
"I think it has opinions."
Pixel tapped Freya's shoulder. "Next quest: HR Training Seminar with the Goblin Union."
Freya screamed into a pillow.