The Titans had all followed Robin's command and regrouped at the tower. At least... All except one. It was late at night after the incident at the school and they were all wide awake. There was no way any of them were going to sleep with a member of the team missing. They needed to find him. And they wouldn't rest until they did.
In the living area the team gathered around Cyborg typing on the main computer. The giant screen in front of them presented a map of the city and surrounding areas spanning a 20 mile radius from Titan Tower. Cyborg was tracking Beastboy using the signal from his communicator.
"Got a lock," he said pointing to a flashing dot on the screen, "he's about 3 miles West of the city."
"We must go at once!" Yelled Starfire already floating towards the door.
"I'm with Star on this one," Cyborg said turning to face the rest of the team, "he needs us now more than ever."
"Beastboy is part of the team but he's more than that. He's part of our family and we'll be there for him no matter what the cost," Robin spoke like he had dealt with loss before and he was not about to lose someone else.
The rest of the team looked at Robin a little differently this time around. He sounded like a true leader. More than just their boss. He was someone they could depend on for anything.
"Let's move!" Robin said sharply running for the door with the team close on his heels.
The T-Ship soared threw the night sky moving as fast as Cyborg could control. Within minutes they were nearing the location of the red dot, blinking on the ships radar.
"He's close," Cyborg said nervously. He was hoping that Beastboy still had his communicator on him and that he didn't ditch it as way to remain hidden.
Inside the diner Beastboy could hear the T-Ship outside. The diner was nearly empty except for a pair of friends playing one last game of pool in the corner. It was 11:30PM and the diner was going to close in a half an hour.
He continued to stare down at his uneaten pie with his hands folded in his lap. He listened as the ships engines powered down to a stop. The doors to the ship opened with a hiss as the Titans jumped out, landing on the ground in a hurry. Beastboy prepared for the worst.
"Beastboy!" He heard from outside. It was Robin. Beastboy closed his eyes. He knew what was coming.
The Titans rushed towards the diner hoping beyond hope to see their friend inside. They pushed the door open with such force that it swung so hard, it slammed against the wall. They all breathed easy as they saw their green friend sitting at the bar.
"Yo, BB!" Cyborg shouted with glee, happy to see him alive and well. He pushed past the others and moved quickly to where his best friend sat and stood behind him, "thank god you're-" Cyborg stopped short and looked at the reflection of Beastboys face in the mirror across from them. He saw Beastboy's head hung low holding face of defeat.
"Well?" Beastboy said somberly, "are you gonna arrest me?"
The Titans stood behind Cyborg frozen in their tracks. This wasn't the Beastboy they knew. They figured he'd be upset but this was completely unexpected.
"Well?" Beastboy spoke again, "ARE YOU?!" He turned towards them with anger. But it wasn't directed at them. The anger seemed to be aimed... more towards himself.
"Beastboy, it is us. Your friends." Starfire said softly.
"I know my friends," Beastboy said turning away from them, "they're good people. Dedicated to stopping bad guys..." He paused for a moment and sunk lower. Then he continued with a softer tone, "bad guys... like me."
"What are you saying?" Robin said apologetically, "we're here to bring you home. We've been worried about you."
Raven could feel the depression coming off of Beastboy. It broke her heart that he was in such devastating pain.
"Beastboy," Raven spoke up, "what happened, happened. There's nothing we can do about that. But that doesn't mean you're a bad person."
"Yeah, man," Cyborg add putting his hand on his best friend's shoulder, "you made a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes."
"You are not to blame for the things that happened," Starfire pitched in, "Mad Mod is the cause for all of this."
"Starfire's right," Robin said moving towards Beastboy's other shoulder. He got up close to Beastboy's side and knelt down to look up at Beastboy's face, "you did what you had to do," he said with confidence, "if anyone one of us had been in the position you were in we all would have done the same thing."
Beastboy looked down at Robin, he turned around in his chair, forcing Cyborgs hand off his shoulder, and looked to the others who all nodded in unison agreeing with Robin.
He looked back at Robin who was now standing next to him with a smile on his face trying to comfort Beastboy.
"But you were there," Beastboy argued, "you all could have made that decision," his ears dropped and guilt swarmed his face, "but you didn't. You held back to protect them," he looked back down at the uneaten pastry, "you all did the right thing."
The rest of the team dropped their heads. They knew he was right. They had every opportunity to attack the hypnotised students in order to protect themselves or... in this case... Terra. But they didn't. Some of them felt ashamed that Beastboy was the only one who did and now he had to tackle this burden alone.
Even Robin was left speechless. He couldn't understand how Beastboy felt, because he has never done what Beastboy did. Robin looked around at the rest of the team looking for any ideas or help. None of them had any idea what to do now.
Raven turned around to see that the group of friends who were playing pool had finished their game and were leaving the diner. She knew she had to do something for Beastboy. He was always comforting her when she was hurt. Now it was her turn to return the kindness. And this was her chance to be alone with him.
"Can... Can you guys... give me a moment alone with Beastboy?" Raven was unsure how that sounded but she held her ground in front of her friends.
Robin gave her a quick nod and left the diner followed by Cyborg. Starfire was trailing behind them but turned to see Raven slowly approaching Beastboy. She was desperately hoping Raven could help somehow. Her eyes never left the pair of them as she backed away, exiting the diner with the door closing slowly in front of her. As Raven got closer to Beastboy she felt a wave of concern for both of them and turned to follow the others towards the ship.
Raven sat on the stool next to Beastboy's. She stared at her reflection in the mirror across the bar. She could see on her own face that she was nervous. For a moment she had no idea what to say and they sat quietly. She took a long deep breath and finally broke the silence between them.
"Look Beastboy," she started, "I know that Terra and I have never had the best... friendship. But you need to understand... I always thought she never deserved you."
Beastboy looked up at her angrily. Raven saw this and immediately tried to clarify.
"I just mean... You always went above and beyond for her. You did anything and everything to make her happy and you still are. And how did she repay you?" She saw Beastboy's anger slowly turning to sadness, "she broke your heart. Twice. She abandoned you, betrayed you and has been causing problems for us ever since we met her." Raven wasn't so sure if this was such a good idea anymore.
"Go on then," Beastboy said with a mixture of sadness and rage. He looked away from her, "say it."
Raven looked at Beastboy confused, "Say what?"
"I told you so," Beastboy said in a mocking manner.
"I wasn't gonna say that," Raven said turning away from him, "actually... I was going to say... I'm sorry."
He looked at her with an eyebrow raised, "for what?" Beastboy asked sharply. Now he was the confused one.
Raven stopped for a moment to think... Where does she even start? All the times she made fun of him? All the times he was there for her and she was never there for him? Or how about all the times she talked down on Terra knowing fully well how he felt about her?
Raven sighed, lowered her head, and closed her eyes.
"For everything, Beastboy." She sounded broken. Like she had literally stabbed him in the back. Terra wasn't the only one Beastboy had gone above and beyond for. Raven felt she was no better than her. Maybe even worse.
Beastboy's curiosity grew. He didn't know what she was talking about. But he remained silent and continued looking at her waiting for Raven to finish.
"I'm sorry about what happened to Terra," Raven continued, "she didn't deserve this. She may have betrayed us. She may have hurt all of us. You most of all. But I've done much worse than her," Raven started to show signs of sadness and guilt like Beastboy, "so... If any one doesn't deserve you... it's me."
Those words weighed on her. It crushed her. As much as she wanted to believe that she deserved someone as caring and thoughtful as Beastboy she knew she wasn't worthy of him. Raven felt her heart sink. She was starting to realize what she was feeling.
"I have done so many unforgivable things," she continued, "I'm so sorry I brought the end of the world on you. On all of our friends. I'm sorry that..." her voice started to tremble as she held tears back, "I'm sorry that... I haven't been a good friend to you. Even after all you do for me. Planning a surprise birthday party for me, comforting me when I'm sad, helping me even when I don't ask for it," she started to realize just how badly she had treated him. If anything... Terra had treated him better than Raven ever did, "I'm sorry I'm not..." She stopped short, hesitant to finish her sentence.
Beastboy's eyes were fixed on her. He was shocked as to what Raven was saying. He didn't think she felt this way about all of this. He could see a similar pain in her that he was feeling. This was a side of raven he'd never seen before. She was like a completely different person right now.
"You're sorry you're not... what?" Beastboy said with curiosity.
Raven panicked. She knew if she finished that sentence one of two things were to happen.
One, Beastboy would scream at her and never speak to her again. Or two, Beastboy would freak out... and still possibly never speak to her again.
"Raven?" Beastboy asked urging her to continue.
Raven took another deep breath and finally continued. "I'm sorry I'm not... more like Terra." She let her head hang low. As soon as the words left her mouth she immediately regret it. She was sure Beastboy would take that the wrong way. But to her surprise, he wasn't yelling at her. He didn't even seem upset. Instead he stared at her with with his usual caring eyes and spoke with kindness.
"Of course you're not like Terra," Beastboy respond calmly. He could see how difficult it was for Raven to confess this, "you're Raven. You're amazing in your own way."
Raven's eyes went wide and looked at Beastboy. He flashed her a tiny smile. But it didn't last long as he turned away from her and continued to stew in his pain.
Raven turned away from him and blushed. Her heart was pounding in her chest. She couldn't believe it. Even now, when he was at his lowest point, Beastboy was still trying to take care of her. She couldn't take it. The amount of compasion coming this person was overwhelimg. She fought back tears because now she knew. She knew exactly what she was feeling. It was love. She was in love with Beastboy.
After a moment Raven snapped out of it and reminded herself that this isn't about her. This is about Beastboy. She wiped the tears from her eyes and turned to him.
"Listen," she said, trying to get back on track, "all I'm trying to say is if I can end the world and Terra can nearly destroy our home and our friends, yet you can forgive both of us for these unspeakable, horrendous, unforgivable deeds," she reached for his cheek and turned his head so he was facing her. She looked deep into his eyes ensuring she got her message across, "then you can forgive yourself as well."
Beastboy's eyes started to fill with tears. He was on the verge of breaking down. His guilt was immense but he thought about what she said. He thought about how easy it was for him to get over the fact that Terra had broken his heart more than once and yet... he still loved her. He thought about how Raven had destroyed everything, despite the Titans fighting, begging, and pleading with her not to go through with it and yet... he forgave her instantly. But somehow... He couldn't get over the fact he had put innocent lives in jeapordy. No. There was more to it. He couldn't forgive himself for not saving Terra from Slade when he had the chance. For not being there when she needed him most.
"How?" Beastboy's words were beginning to crack and he raised his voice, "how?! How can forgive myself for what I've done?!" He shouted at himself. He lowered his head, closed his eyes, and clenched his jaw while he fought back tears even as they started to roll down his cheeks.
"You really wanna know what you did Beastboy?" Raven asked sternly, "you saved someone you truly love from dying a terrible death," she turned in her chair and turned him in his, so their bodies were facing each other. She lifted his chin so his eyes would meet her gaze, "you saved her life Beastboy. She's alive because of you. You saved someone you love. Even when she never loved you back. That doesn't make you a bad person. If anything... That's what makes you a true hero, Beastboy."
Raven still didn't understand that Beastboy was also referring to his failure to save Terra from Slade. But he didn't want to tell her. It hurt so much that he didn't even want to think about it.
But one thing Raven said stuck with him. Even when she never loved you back. The words stung like daggers in his chest. But he knew it was true. After everything he did to try to earn Terra's love, it was never reciprocated. And if she did, she didn't seem to have any problem with destroying the other parts of his life. His home. His friends. If you really love someone you wouldn't do that to them. Beastboy was beginning to realize this and he knew everything Raven was saying was true.
Terra broke his heart by abandoning him after giving him hope there was a chance, even though Terra knew deep down there wasn't. She just didn't feel the same way about him. It was a harsh truth he had no choice but to accept.
Beastboy couldn't take it anymore. He fell foward face first into Raven's bosom and broke down crying. He wrapped his arms around Raven tighly like a child clinging to his mother. He was sobbing relentlessly gasping for air in between sobs. Raven looked down at him with tears in her eyes as she wrapped her arms around him with care. She felt his pain. Her words to him stuck with her as well. She knew now she loved Beastboy. Truly and deeply. But she also knew...
He didn't love her back the same way.