Azarath, metrion, zinthos.
Raven hovered on the roof of the hospital, meditating. She was unsure what was going on with her emotions. The only thing she did know was that Beastboy was missing... and it hurt.
Azarath, metrion, zinthos.
"But why? Why do I care so much?" She asked herself deep in meditation. "Things happen. People change. There's no point losing control of your emotions over it," she was starting to get frustrated at herself, "calm down, breathe, clear your mind," she told herself trying to keep it together.
Azarath, metrion, zinthos.
Images of Beastboy continued to flash through her mind. The time he helped her defeat her anger. The time he comforted her when Malchior had manipulated her. The time he turned into the beast to protect her... Then the image of him flying away in panic.
She couldn't seem to block out the images no matter how hard she tried.
Azarath, metrion...
"Ahhh! Just forget it!" She yelled at herself in frustration. Floating down to sit on the edge of the roof.
A familiar voice soothed the air as Starfire approached behind her.
"Friend, what troubles you?" Starfire asked, "I too am troubled. Might we talk to help ease the pain of our sorrows?"
"I don't feel troubles. I don't feel sorrows. I'm fine." Raven respond in her usual dark tone.
"I do," Starfire replied sadly, "they make me feel most unpleasant," she was holding her hands over her heart, "but I suppose... I depend on such feelings."
Raven turned to look at Starfire, "depend on them?" she asked confused.
Starfire nod her head. "It reminds me of what I have that I might lose," tears started to form in Starfire's eyes, "I dare not imagine what life would be like if one of my friends were to..." She trailed off. Almost terrified to finish the sentence. She blinked away the tears, put her hands in her lap, and looked at Raven with a small smile. "These unpleasant feelings keep me fighting to ensure that does not happen."
Raven looked out at the view in front of them. From the roof of the hospital they could see the entire city with the ocean behind it. It was a gorgeous view. The city lights danced in front of the moonlit ocean.
"I don't really know why... But... I can't seem to stop thinking about Beastboy." Raven's eyes widend and she looked at Starfire with concern... She couldn't believe she just said that out loud. She waited to see Starfire's reaction before saying anything else.
Starfire was also admiring the view, "I too worry about him as well," she replied, "where ever he may be, I hope he is safe."
Raven let out a sigh of relief. She was glad Starfire hadn't asked her why she couldn't stop thinking about Beastboy.
"I hope so too," Raven said thinking that was the end of it.
"Raven," Starfire said looking at Raven, "why do you choose to hide your feelings for Beastboy?"
Raven nearly fell over from the impact of that question. Even she didn't know the answer to that. She didn't even know if she really had feelings for Beastboy in the first place.
"Uhhhh... What are you talking about Starfire?" Raven asked with a blush.
"I see the way in which you behave whenever he speaks of Terra," she said with care, "I can see it bothers you deeply."
Raven thought about it for a second. Starfire had a point. Whenever anyone else on the team would bring her name up she would give her honest opinion on what she thought of her. But whenever Beastboy would talk about her she would get furious.
Terra betrayed them and Beastboy still defends her like she's completely innocent. She thought she was getting angry with Beastboy more than anything but the others defend her too from time to time and she doesn't think anything of it.
"It doesn't bother me," Raven respond defensively, "I guess... I just wish..."
"Yes?" Starfire urged her to continue, trying to help.
A long moment of silence followed as Raven struggled to figure out her own emotions.
Finally Raven spoke up, "I just..." She started to get more frustrated, "ahhh, I don't know!" Raven responded putting her head down in her hands. Her hands covered her temples while her fingers wrapped towards the back of her head. It was like she was trying to delete thoughts from her mind.
Starfire leaned over to her and put a hand on Raven's shoulder.
Raven lowered her hands and looked at Starfire. She could see in her eyes that she could tell her anything and Starfire would never tell another living soul as long as she lived.
"I just wish..." Raven turned her head away and closed her eyes trying to bury any emotion that might surface, "that he spoke that way about me," she finally responded with honesty.
Starfire's eyes went wide. She immediately understood. Raven had literally brought on the end of the world. Something truly unforgivable. No one would ever want to be friends with her if they knew what she's done. However, she never wanted to. She was good. Fighting evil. In the end, the power of her father's prophecy was too strong for her to fight. But the thing is... she fixed it. She saved the world. She is more of a hero than any of the Titans. Where as Terra tried to destroy the Titans and take over the city intentionally. She wanted to be with Slade. She chose that path. It wasn't until she was nearly defeated and Slade turned on her that she realized her mistake. In the end, she nearly destroyed the entire city by accident but sacrificed herself to save everyone. To anyone, it would be hard to say who was worse and who deserves forgiveness more.
But if thats the case... then why doesn't Beastboy feel the same way towards Raven?
"What makes her so special?" Raven started to tremble, "Why doesn't anyone look at me the way he looks at Terra?" She paused and looked at Starfire with tears in her eyes, "or the way Robin looks at you?" Raven was on the verge of breaking down.
"Raven..." Starfire didn't know what to say. She was fortunate enough to have someone look at her with desire the very moment she arrived on Earth. Raven had been here for a long time and was still waiting to be noticed by anyone.
"Why doesn't anyone..." Raven trembled unable to finish her sentence. She closed her eyes before her tears could find their way out. She wanted to cry but wouldn't let herself.
Starfire moved herself closer to Raven and wrapper her arms around her with tears in her eyes. She wanted to cry for Raven.
Raven collected her thoughts, brushed off Starfire, and sat up straight. She didn't want to seem rude but the emotion radiating off of Starfire was causing her to want to cry even more. Starfire let her go and they both sat in silence for a moment.
"Why did you come up to the roof Star?" Raven asked trying to break the silence and change the subject.
Starfire looked at her with a half smile, "I had flown up to the roof to get some of, the air. I also wished to look upon the stars." She looked up at the flickers of light that hung in the sky, "I have always found such comfort in the stars. It reminds me of home," she looked back at Raven, "they also remind me of the endless possibilities life may hold."
Raven looked up at the stars thinking about what Starfire had just said. She was right. All her life Raven thought she was just a gateway to the end of the world. But look at her now. It's been months since Trigon had been defeated and here she was... Living her life. She had good friends and great home. The possibilities truly were endless. Just like the Stars above them.
She smiled and looked at Starfire who was still star gazing. "Thank you Star," Starfire looked back at Raven, "I really needed that."
Starfire smiled and gave her a another hug. Raven felt the urge to hug her back. A very rare feeling for her. She hesitated but soon after embraced the feeling and wrapped her arms around Starfire and squeezed in return. It felt like a huge weight lifted from her chest.
Raven had hope that things could change for her. That she could find love. After all... The sky was the limit.