The sun rose like a smug spectator, casting warm, judgmental light over Duke Astor's estate. Rei stood at the foot of his bed, surrounded by color-coded date invitations, each sealed with a kiss—and the faint aura of murderous intent.
From the mirror above his dresser, Goddess Eris cheerfully waved with a wine glass.
"Good luck, loverboy~" she giggled, swirling something ominously purple in her goblet. "Remember: no dying, crying, or calling me. Again."
Rei sighed, eyes bloodshot from preemptive insomnia.
A chime echoed in his ears.
[System Notification: New Mission Unlocked!]
[Title: Survive All Five Dates]
[Objective: Attend the custom honeymoon simulation of each fiancée without dying, crying, or summoning the goddess.]
[Bonus Objective: Don't say "No" more than three times total.]
[Reward: One (1) Rest Day Coupon — not transferable, refundable, or actually restful.]
[Failure Penalty: Emotional Detonation from five yanderes. Recommended: Dental insurance.]
He whimpered. "...Can I cry a little?"
[Crying Preemptively Detected. -5 Emotional Stability.]
[Achievement Unlocked: Pre-Wept Warrior]
Date #1: Lilia's "Coma-Era Nostalgia Getaway"
Rei stepped into the simulation chamber, which promptly transformed into… his old hospital room?
"Lilia, this seems… familiar."
Lilia stood beside a heart-shaped IV drip, wearing a frilly nurse outfit with his name embroidered in cursive on the thigh.
"I recreated every year of your coma," she whispered sweetly. "You'll relive all 15… compressed into one perfect afternoon."
"That's not—"
[Warning: You have used 1/3 "No" Responses.]
Lilia wheeled over a cake decorated with a frosting version of his face, comatose and serene. "For every year you were asleep, I took a picture of you sleeping. So this cake has fifteen layers."
"You mean you…?"
"Yes, each layer is modeled after a different sleeping position." She held up a fork. "Say aaaaah~"
He nearly choked on himself trying to "aaaaah."
Hours passed. Or were they years? Lilia read bedtime stories he'd never heard, wept over simulated bedside vigil recreations, and at one point, re-enacted the time she'd "whispered wedding vows into his ear while he was unconscious."
Rei stumbled out of the chamber with frosting in his hair and a marriage certificate stuck to his back.
Date #2: Rosette's "Silent Forest Blood-Picnic"
The air turned cold as he entered the next simulation. A misty forest surrounded a neatly arranged picnic blanket adorned with… knives. All labeled.
Rosette sat serenely, slicing strawberries with the precision of a surgeon.
She gestured to the seat beside her. "Sit. Eat. Survive."
"I—I don't eat raw meat, Rosette."
Her deadpan stare sharpened like her cutlery.
[Warning: 2/3 "No" Responses Used.]
[Tip: Next "No" Will Result in a Random Internal Explosion]
"…I mean, it's my favorite!"
He bit into what might have been rabbit. Or raccoon. Or possibly just vengeance marinated in rosemary.
As he chewed cautiously, Rosette brought out a carving set.
"I brought a game," she said. "Guess which of your vital organs I like the most. Guess wrong and… surprise."
Rei smiled. Politely. "That's… romantic."
"I know," she said quietly, slipping a tracking ring onto his finger. "You scream so beautifully when you lie."
He screamed. Politely.
Date #3: Princess Seraphina's "Royal Grand Opera of Love"
Boom.
A magical explosion of pink rose petals and trumpets blared as Seraphina's simulation flared to life. He was standing on a literal golden stage. An audience of aristocrats, bards, and well-dressed pigeons applauded.
Seraphina floated down in a tiara the size of a crown roast.
"Tonight," she announced, "we perform The Eternal Romance of Prince Rei: The Opera!"
"Oh gods," Rei mumbled.
[Reminder: Last "No" Remaining. Choose Wisely.]
The show began.
Scene One: Baby Rei is born—played by a tiny, crying version of him enchanted into a bassinet.
Scene Two: Seraphina descends from the heavens as his guardian angel, defeats a demon made of taxes, and declares her eternal love.
Scene Three: Marriage.
Live.
In front of everyone.
The wedding priest was a magical llama.
Rei barely survived the final kiss (with tongue choreography). But he had to admit… the set design was spectacular.
[System Update: "Royal Affection" Buff Applied for 12 hours.]
[Effect: Your next scream will echo in high C.]
Date #4: Drakana's "Survival Island of Passion"
Rei blinked.
He was shirtless. On a beach. Tied to a coconut tree.
Drakana leapt from the ocean like a predator in a swimsuit made entirely of dragon scales and bad decisions.
"Welcome to my mating ritual," she roared. "If you survive the next three hours, you earn the right to propose!"
"I thought you were proposing—?"
[Warning: Saying "No" Now Will Cause Your Head to Spontaneously Combust.]
"I love it!" he shouted. "Woo! Let's go, mating ritual!"
She hurled a coconut that exploded on impact. Then another.
"Round One: Dodgeball. With fireballs."
Rei sprinted for his life across flaming sand dunes, dodging dragon-charged meteor serves.
"Round Two: Wrestling! No weapons!"
She tackled him into a love-shaped crater.
"Round Three: Spoon."
He passed out from exhaustion, waking up in her lap as she gently sang a draconic lullaby.
"Don't worry, Rei," she whispered. "If you die here, I'll resurrect you. Again and again and again…"
[Trauma Level Increased: +12 Emotional Scarring]
Date #5: Lucivella's "Starlit Eternity Realm"
The world turned to velvet. Soft jazz played in the background. Rei opened his eyes to find himself floating in a realm of stars, soul lanterns, and fine wine.
Lucivella sat across from him at a crystalline table, wearing a black velvet gown that shimmered with galaxies.
"I wanted something calmer," she said, swirling her glass. "Unlike certain people, I believe love should be peaceful."
Rei almost cried. "Thank you."
She poured him wine that glowed softly.
"I've prepared five hours of slow dancing, two dozen handwritten sonnets, and a detailed marriage contract embedded in the dessert."
He blinked. "Embedded?"
She cut into the lava cake.
Inside: a golden ring that pulsed with soul resonance.
"If you sneeze, I'll take it as a yes," she teased.
He desperately held his breath.
He. Could. Not. Sneeze.
She reached for his hand.
He trembled.
She smiled.
And then—he inhaled a bit of powdered sugar and—
"—ACHOO!"
[System Notification: All Targets Assume Consent]
[You Have Sneeze-Proposed. Again.]
Back in the Real World
Rei collapsed face-first into the estate carpet, still glowing from residual date effects and possibly minor burns.
The girls awaited him with identical bridal glows.
"Well?" they all asked in unison.
He tried to speak. Only tears came out.
[System Notification: Mission Complete!]
[Reward Unlocked: "Rest Day Coupon" Added to Inventory.]
[Coupon Status: Already Expired. Thank You for Playing.]
Rei sobbed into the floor.
[New Mission Available: "Survive the Wife Selection Tournament"]
[Warning: This one includes challenges, games, swimsuit rounds, and a polygraph made of emotional manipulation.]
In the mirror, Goddess Eris cackled while mixing wine with instant noodles.
"See you tomorrow, fiancé-boy~!"
To be continued…