The sun rose peacefully over the Kingdom of Aurelia.
Birds chirped sweet melodies. Flowers bloomed with vibrant colors. The castle staff bustled about in a flurry of energy. Everything was normal.
Until, of course, the front gates of the royal palace were kicked open by five different women at the same time.
"WE DEMAND A ROYAL WEDDING!"
The palace trembled.
Noblemen dropped their monocles.
The court mage choked on his tea and dimension-hopped out of reflex.
Prince Rei—our beloved, long-suffering, system-bound reincarnated protagonist—was, at that precise moment, attempting to escape through a barrel labeled Pickled Turnips for Diplomatic Use Only.
He had been hiding there for six hours.
Six hours of turnip-scented claustrophobia. Six hours of praying no one would think to sniff him out.
Unfortunately, this was exactly the sort of moment the system lived for.
[System Notification: Congratulations! You have reached Peak Plot Progression.]
[Five fiancées have submitted official marriage requests. Panic levels among nobles: 87%.]
[Your stealth level has failed against "Yandere Nose Perk."]
[Would you like to upgrade your "Death-Faking Techniques"? Y/N]
Rei screamed internally.
The Throne Room – 9:03 A.M.
The five yandere queens stood before the royal court in radiant, terrifying splendor.
* Seraphina, first princess and tactician, had drafted her marriage request on enchanted golden parchment sealed with a royal decree and her lipstick mark.
* Drakana, dragon-blooded berserker, had burned hers into obsidian and delivered it while roaring, "BOND BY BATTLE OR BOND BY BED."
Rosette, the silent maid, handed over a heart-shaped box containing the application, a dagger, and a photo of Rei sleeping—taken five minutes ago.
Lilia, the priestess and childhood best friend, presented a scroll blessed by five churches and cursed by three demons, just to be sure.
* Lucivella, Demon Queen of No Chill, had summoned a void portal and tossed in a diamond-crusted proposal ring inscribed with "HIS SOUL IS MINE."
The High Nobility, assembled in all their powdered-wigged, gold-embellished, politically spineless glory, were vibrating with collective fear.
"S-Surely we can't just marry the same man to five different women?" a duke sputtered.
"He's just one man!" a countess wailed.
"He's barely a man!" muttered the treasury advisor, who had seen Rei trying to climb out the window yesterday using a curtain rod and prayers.
The royal guards backed away slowly.
"Where's the king?" someone whispered.
A footman opened a side door.
Inside, King Aurelius III was curled in a fetal position behind a couch, eating grapes and mumbling, "Nope. Not dealing with this again. Not after the Succubus Tea Scandal of '12."
Meanwhile, in the courtyard…
Rei was dead.
Okay, not technically dead.
But emotionally, spiritually, and maritally, he was six feet under.
Especially now that his plan to fake his death was in full swing.
Step 1: Hire a bard to write a tragic poem about his demise.
Step 2: Have the butler pronounce his final words were: "Tell the girls… I loved them all. Equally. Very equally. Especially the one who finds this body first."
Step 3: Arrange a funeral rehearsal.
What could possibly go wrong?
The Funeral Rehearsal – 10:20 A.M.
It was a closed-casket ceremony.
The priest was paid extra to cry convincingly.
The flowers were fake, but emotionally manipulative.
The casket? Stuffed with turnips to keep it believable.
Rei hid in the rafters, watching his own "death," feeling deeply proud of his acting skills and terrible decisions.
Then Seraphina leaned forward.
She narrowed her eyes.
"…Why do I hear him sniffling?"
Rei gasped. Too loud.
Drakana snarled. "That's his guilt ghost. Let me purge it with fire!"
She lit the altar on fire.
Rosette casually threw a knife at the casket. It embedded with a thunk.
Lilia closed her eyes and murmured, "Rei… I'm opening a second shrine in your honor. One with incense that smells like your sweat."
Lucivella casually opened a shadow portal and reached into the rafters—
"AHAHA FOUND YOU~♡"
She yanked him down by his foot like a mother catching a toddler stealing cookies. Rei screamed as he fell, landed in the casket, and was immediately surrounded by roses, fire, knives, holy symbols, and demon magic.
It was, in some way, poetic.
Mostly in a "please help me" kind of way.
[System Notification: Stealth-Fail Bonus Achieved!]
[New Title Unlocked: "Casket Casanova."]
[You have angered 5 yanderes at once. Would you like to upgrade your Defense stat? HAHAHA, too late.]
Back to the Throne Room
Rei was now seated on the royal throne.
Correction: strapped to the throne.
By ribbons.
From five different girls.
Seraphina twirled a legal scroll. "Since His Highness has been discovered alive, we may proceed with the Wife Selection Tournament."
"Can't we just… talk this out?" Rei whimpered.
"No," all five answered in unison.
The nobles clapped politely. For self-preservation.
A schedule was presented:
Round One: "Cooking for Your Future Husband."
Round Two: "Most Creatively Possessive Love Letter."
Round Three: "Who Can Stare at Rei the Longest Without Blinking."
Final Round: "Snuggle Combat."
Rei attempted to chew through the ribbon. It tasted like perfume and doom.
[System Alert: You have been entered into a Royal Death Match disguised as a bridal festival.]
[Side Quest: Survive with dignity intact. (Optional: Survive at all.)]
[Emergency Love Points acquired. Defense Buff applied: +3 Cuteness Resistance.]
1:00 P.M.
The King emerged only once the girls were busy arguing over whether the tournament venue should be "a lakeside villa," "a magma pool," or "Rei's bed."
He looked at Rei, tied up and twitching.
The monarch offered a single piece of advice:
"Son… you should have stayed in the coma."
Then he went back into hiding.
Bureau of Marital Affairs – 3:00 P.M.
Five royal applications.
Five glittering signatures.
All for the same poor man.
The clerk stared at the pile.
She blinked. "This must be a clerical error."
Another clerk peeked over. "Nope. Same name. Same birthday. Same terrified expression on each attached photo."
A third clerk dropped her coffee. "May the gods help that man."
The entire building began whispering the name Prince Rei like an ancient curse.
Meanwhile, outside the office, all five fiancées stood waiting.
Smiling.
Staring.
Polishing weapons.
[System Notification: Emergency Override Activated.]
[Affection Level MAXED for All Targets.]
[Congratulations! You are now engaged to 5 yanderes simultaneously.]
[Estimated survival chance: Statistically hilarious.]
[System Suggestion: Update Will. Consider moving to alternate dimension.]
A royal courier ran into the palace courtyard.
"URGENT NOTICE FROM THE BUREAU OF MARRIAGE!"
He opened the scroll.
"Five royal wedding requests have been approved… all for the same groom!"
The crowd gasped.
Rei fainted.
The girls turned toward each other.
Then smiled.
"Let the Wife Selection Tournament… begin."
To be continued…