Plot Twist Number 33:I woke up at 10:00 AM to Ivy dancing aggressively in my room to Single Ladies by Beyoncé while Lucifer the Cat wore tiny sunglasses and a hoodie.
"WAKE UP, HOE. It's glow-up day!"
"What… what year is it? Am I alive?"
"You survived a rooftop trauma. Now it's time for a rebirth."
I blinked at her like a confused baby goat.
"Also," she added, "check under your pillow."
Plot Twist Number 34:A folded note.
In Zayne's messy, half-emo-boy handwriting:
"You're my favorite person. No sprinklers next time. -Z"
I. DIED. IMMEDIATELY. Flatlined. Saw my ancestors waving at me.
"I'M GONNA SCREAM."And I did. Loud enough to wake the neighbors.
Lucifer yawned. Ivy cheered.
Operation Revenge Glow-Up
Ivy dragged me out of bed and set up a full makeover station in my room.
"We are reclaiming our baddie status. Mia thinks she can humiliate you at school? Nah. We're rising like phoenixes. Hotter. Petty. Glossier."
"Is this legal?"
"Do I look like I care?"
Plot Twist Number 35:Ivy made me do a hair mask that smelled like coconuts and vengeance. Lucifer sat on my lap while Ivy painted my nails neon pink.
"We're getting you to that 'unbothered, I-will-ruin-your-life-with-a-smile' vibe."
"But I like being harmless."
"No. From now on you're hot, chaotic, and slightly unhinged. We move at dawn."
Meanwhile At Satan's Lair (aka Mia's House)
Plot Twist: Mia was plotting.
"I'll humiliate her at Zayne's party. She won't recover. And then Zayne's mine."
(Spoiler alert: she wouldn't.)
Operation Drama Launch: At Zayne's Party
Plot Twist Number 36:Zayne invited everyone to his house party. Ivy made me wear an outfit that screamed "I don't start drama, but I can end it."
Neon pink crop top. Black jeans. Tiny glitter stars on my face. Lucifer wore a tiny chain.
"WHO LET YOU LOOK THIS GOOD?!" Ivy screamed.
Plot Twist Number 37:We walked in and heads TURNED. One guy actually walked into a plant.
Zayne saw me and immediately choked on his drink."Well… damn."
"Told you," Ivy whispered.
Chaos Countdown
Mia showed up in a sparkly dress two sizes too small.
Someone started a rap battle in the kitchen.
Lucifer bit a guy who called him a 'basic cat.'
Zayne kept looking at me like I hung the moon.
Plot Twist Number 38:Mia tried to start drama.
She bumped into me dramatically.
"Oh, sorry Ari. Cute shirt. Did your grandma make it?"
Me:"No, but your dad paid for it."
The room went "OOOOOOOOH!"
Plot Twist Number 39:She stormed off, almost tripped over Lucifer, and Ivy gave me a high five like we just won the Olympics.
Unexpected Romantic Chaos
Later, Zayne pulled me aside.
"I need to talk to you. For real this time."
My brain:Abort mission. Panic. Self-destruct.
Plot Twist Number 40:He held my hand, no sprinklers this time.
"Ari… I don't care about anyone else. It's always been you."
AND THEN —
Plot Twist Number 41:I sneezed again.
On. His. Neck.
The entire universe paused.
I wanted the ground to swallow me whole. But Zayne just burst out laughing and hugged me.
"You're so weird. I freaking love it."
Plot Twist Number 42:Mia tried one last time. She grabbed the DJ mic.
"I have a secret about Ari!"
Before she could speak, Ivy fake-tripped and spilled Fanta on her white dress. Bright orange. Immediate chaos. Someone yelled "OH SNAP!" The DJ played Savage Remix. The room went feral.
Plot Twist Number 43:Turns out the 'secret' was that I once tripped in front of a cute waiter. That was it. That was the drama.
Pathetic.
Final Tally:
Glow-up status: 10/10
Petty revenge: flawless
Almost love confession: double sneeze edition
Mia's humiliation: poetic
Emotional damage: average Tuesday
Zayne officially in love? Probably.