Want to know something crazy?
I'm really not okay...
I think about just dying,
Giving up trying,
Nearly every day...
-
I'm sad.
I'm lonely.
And it can get really hard to look away
When all around me I see love
But the love of my life
Just pushed me away...
-
I think
And think
And think
And maybe I just think too much
But.
Sometimes this life can push
Me to the brink...
It gets so tough
But.
-
The thoughts and feelings
Intrude easily
Like, what the fuck...
Sometimes I get so detached,
That I can't feel
I'm just fucking stuck.
-
I feel so numb
Where my heart used to be...
Like it's beating
But I cannot feel it move inside of me...
-
It just seems like everyone else found their match...
Like I'm pulling and reeling but can't make that catch...
-
When I do pull one in
I have to throw them back.
Cause I only get half
And I want what they lack...
-
OR I lack what they want,
I can't be what they need.
Cause I'm broken
And traumatized
Here on my knees...
-
And everyone here has their children already.
A car,
And a house,
And their lives are all steady.
-
Look at me...
Still feeling
Lower than you could know...
Me, and my hat,
And my cat,
In my studio...
-
Looking
And waiting
Always contemplating
My worth and my value
I'm far from self-hating.
-
But man...what's the use?
What's the point in me dating?
My heart is my offer.
That feels so degrading...
-
I write and I post these to feel less alone.
Because somebody out there keeps reading my poems.
-
That small sense of fulfillment
Can make life a bit less unbearable.
Quixotically living
With a love that's unsharable...
I love so deeply
That it can feel quite terribly
Overwhelmingly
Complex
But it's still wearable.
-
Want to know something weird?
I shed tears twice today.
All those years...
All those fears...
That shit still gets in the way.
-
And I wish I could go
Back.
I'd take back that day.
I wish you could know
I would undo that day.
I would tell you to leave.
I would beg me to stay
Far away
From your heart.
I just got in the way...
I just got in the way.
Now I'm lonely...