In the molten skylands of Elementia, a planet where the weather changed depending on the planet's mood, a young elf stood with fire dancing in his palms and a permanent smirk on his flawless, handsome face.
His name was Thorin, Prince of Elfon, Crowned Heir of the Sapphire Grove, Bearer of Ten Thousand Runes, a Certified Heartbreaker, and now, tragically, Assigned to Fight a Human Named John for his planet, Elfron. His father has high expectations of him and that he would never let him down.
Thorin had trained for years under elite war-magi. He'd bathed in ancient mana pools. He could crush boulders with a glare and light a bonfire just by thinking about warmth.
And his opponent?
Let's just say, if the multiverse were a school, John would be the guy in the back of the class trying to grow a potato in a paper cup while the rest of the students learned black hole algebra.
"I finally have some information about your opponent. He's from a planet called Earth in the Milky Way Galaxy and chose his class as a botanist."
"A botanist?" Thorin blinked, the word tasting like peasant soup on his tongue.
"Yes," replied his AI guide, Goaty, a snarky, sharp-tongued interface designed to mentor Elementalists and occasionally judge their fashion choices. "Botanist. Human and a male. He's probably still confused by how he grows plants."
Thorin choked on his laughter.
"And I have to fight him?"
"Eventually," Goaty said, projecting a floating diagram of John's most recent 'battle.' It involved running away from a sentient tomato and tripping over a fern. "I'm not even sure he knows what he's doing. His allies include a flaming l sandflower, a glowing plant and a wild razor cat-plant ."
Thorin raised an eyebrow.
"Is this a questline or a garden tour?"
"Worse. His guide is Shiv."
Goaty nearly gagged saying the name. Shiv, that deranged cosmic tutorial box, that giggling mess of sarcasm and glitchy panda who somehow failed to convince his player to choose anything powerful and advance like he always does every eons. He and his player always won and this always made Goaty loath at him. And now, Goaty might have the chance to beat the smug out of Shiv's face. He thought he finally found a fool player that chose Botanist rather than stronger class.
"You have a 1000% percent chance to defeat this John guy." Goaty said but unsure. He knew well how Shiv worked. There were hundreds of botanical planets around but he chose the harshest and the most dangerous botanical planet of all. Goaty was even surprised Shiv's player was still alive despite not having special ability. He learned never underestimate an opponent, especially a veteran like Shiv.
Thorin wasn't listening anymore. He was too busy conjuring a fireball the size of a cartwheel and lazily juggling it between his hands. He didn't care about Shiv. He didn't care about John.
He was a battle mage, a royal elf with elemental control so precise he once created a localized blizzard just to chill his lemonade. He didn't need to prepare for this match. He just needed to show up, blink once, and let John surrender out of respect for the food chain.
Even now, Goaty tried to give him a serious talk.
"But Thorin, don't underestimate your opponent. The goddess Elentia chose you not just for your skills, but for your discipline. And Shiv's chosens always have a way of—"
"Nope," Thorin cut him off, already mid-teleportation into a lava geyser for fun. "I'm good. Wake me up when the plant guy starts doing push ups."
Goaty signed and sent a memo to Elentia's office. Again.
The universe had chosen its champions.
Thorin, the pride of Elfon, magic incarnate, arrogant, elegant, glowing with destiny and has a misplaced arrogance.
And then there was John. Just John.
Who had once stolen a plant and face plant on the floor for running away due to nervousness.
Oh yes, this was going to be interesting.
—-○●
John's POV
I sneezed and then shivered. Then accidentally stepped on something squishy.
"Ugh, what now?" I groaned, wiping my boot on a nearby rock while Blaze silently judged me with his leaf-face of silent judgment.
Burn tilted his flaming head.
"You good?"
"No. I just felt… I don't know. Like someone across the galaxy just laughed at me."
Barry glowed slowly.
"That's... weirdly."
"Yeah, I know." I adjusted the straps on my bag and double-checked my inventory.
We were walking along the edge of a strange vine-covered cliff that led into a valley of massive, bulbous mushrooms, some glowing faint green, others pulsing like they were trying to find a beat to dance to.
The air was heavy, earthy, and smelled like damp gym socks. Welcome to Verdantgrave Wilds, home of the Blightcap Mycospore, a plant monster that, according to Shiv's very unhelpful flashcards, could hijack your brain and make you eat mud for fun.
Fun.
Yeah, totally fun.
"You're almost there!" Shiv's cheerful voice popped into my earpiece. "I hope you packed a resistance to fungal psychic manipulation!"
"I didn't even pack deodorant!"
"Then you're already dying."
I ignored him and kept walking.
The ground changed the deeper we went, less dirt, more sponge. The mushrooms here were taller than houses, and they whispered to each other when you weren't looking. No, seriously. I swear I saw one lean toward another and wiggle like it was gossiping.
"I hate this," I muttered. "This is why I failed science class. Nature has too many settings."
Up ahead, the path split in two: one road was paved with glowing spores that pulsed ominously, like it knew I'd die if I stepped on it. The other was filled with thorns the size of table legs.
I turned to my crew.
"So, poison death or impalement alley?"
Blaze pointed to a tree. Barry crawled into my hood. Burn stared at me.
"Whichever has fewer brain parasites," Barry replied.
"Great," I sighed, pulling out the Bota Watch Shiv gave me. The screen blinked and waited for the watch to display any useless and interesting plants nearby. But none. But I saw my floating map said:
You arrived at the Valley of Death Mushroom.
"Shocking. The valley of death mushrooms has mushrooms."
Then I shivered again.
Like someone was still laughing.
Somewhere, out there, an arrogant player probably just finished scoffing in my direction."
"Well," I said, slapping my cheeks for courage, "if I'm gonna get laughed at, I may as well give them something worth laughing with."
"Wait, are you smiling?" Burn asked as I stepped into Impalement Alley.
"No," I lied.
Because yeah, I was smiling a little.
I had a plan. A dumb plan. A John plan.
And for once, I kind of wanted to see what this Botanist class could really do.
I stopped when a warning mark appeared on my floating map and a warming words like this:
"Verdact Shroom Infested"
Right in the middle of Impalement Alley, between a root that looked like it wanted to wrestle me and a mushroom that may or may not have just whispered, "fresh meat."
"Hold up," I muttered. "Parasitic spores."
The words echoed in my skull like a bad song you don't remember liking.
Shiv's warning rang in my brain: "They hijack brains! Plants, beasts… maybe humans too! Don't breathe them in unless you want to dance for the mushrooms forever!"
Which, I mean, sounded kinda fun, until you added the brain-melting part.
I opened my interdimensional store, a flickering, floating menu of glowing items, half of which I didn't recognize. There was a "Sporeproof Bubble Suit" (too expensive), "Anti-Fungal Underwear" (deeply concerning), and finally, yes!
Item: Organix Mask
Description: Woven from pure herbal fibers and enchanted by the Bota-nuns of Mintspire. Filters air, spores, and suspicious burrito smells.
Price: 12 Verdants
I tapped buy. The mask appeared with a satisfying little pop and a puff of minty air.
"Sweet," I said, pulling it on. Then I turned to Barry. And froze. "…Wait. Do you… have a nose?"
Barry blinked and glowed a sign he's telling me that he doesn't have any idea.
"No offense," I said, holding up another Organix Mask, "but I genuinely don't know where this is supposed to go on you."
Barry yawned. Literally yawned.
Burn trotted over, flaming petals flickering.
"What's he doing?"
"Trying to figure out if my Glowing plant has a face hole."
"Oh, that's normal. Spores just kind of... vibe with his species."
"So you're saying he's fine?"
"Probably."
"How did you know? Barry's from my world."
"I said, it's probably."
That "probably" felt like a loaded grenade of uncertainty. I strapped the extra mask onto Barry anyway, even if it looked like I was dressing a potato for surgery.
"Safety first," I muttered.
Then looked at Blaze.
Blaze stared at me, unimpressed, four vine-legs doing the slow tap of judgment.
"What? You don't need one. You photosynthesize."
He kept staring.
"Fine, I'll buy you one too!"
I did.
It barely fit around his twigs.
We stood there, me, Burn, Barry the medically confused glowing plant, and Blaze the leafy ninja, wearing matching herb-woven masks like we were about to stage a forest heist.
"Alright," I said through muffled fabric. "Let's go and pass the brain-eating mushroom."