Chapter 69: ADDICTED TO CULTIVATING
FOOTLESS BIRD'S CRASH LANDING
The footless bird—now more like a footless wreck—plummeted into the forest like a drunk Uber driver. Trees snapped, beasts screamed, and Fang Yuan tumbled out looking like a burnt chicken nugget.
Bai Ning Bing (dusting herself off): "Bro, your flying skills are trash. My grandma's rickshaw rides smoother than this."
Fang Yuan (grinning with his McDonald's apple pie face): "At least we didn't die. That's a W in my book."
(They scout the area—purple trees everywhere. It's like Barney threw up a forest.)
Bai Ning Bing: "Where the hell are we? Willy Wonka's nightmare?"
Fang Yuan: "Zi You Mountain. Safe by day, demonic rave party by night. Let's find a cave before the wildlife realizes we're free Uber Eats."
CAVE LIFE & BEAR PAW FEAST
They find a cave formerly owned by a Pouched Bear (basically a kangaroo-bear hybrid).
Fang Yuan (roasting bear paws): "Five-star dining in the wilderness. Take that, Bai Clan banquets."
Bai Ning Bing (side-eyeing his crispy face): "You look like a failed KFC experiment. Not even meat-bone Gu can fix that."
Fang Yuan (shrugging): "Why fix it? This face screams 'I've seen things'. Perfect for scamming villagers."
(Bai Ning Bing rolls her eyes so hard she sees her past life.)
TRAGIC LEOPARD ROMANCE (AKA DEMONIC TELENOVELA)
Nighttime chaos—a pregnant dark leopard gets jumped by a black-feathered python.
Bai Ning Bing (watching the fight): "Damn, nature's brutal. That python's got no rizz."
(The female leopard dies. Male leopard returns, avenges her, then mourns like a Shakespearean hero.)
Male Leopard (licking her wounds): "Babe, wake up… we had date night planned…"
(It lays down beside her and dies of heartbreak.)
Bai Ning Bing (weirdly emotional): "Damn. Even beasts got better love stories than humans."
Fang Yuan (already looting their corpses): "Cool story. Anyway, free Breath Concealment Gu!"
(Pulls two purple leaves from their ears like a magic trick.)
Bai Ning Bing: "…You're heartless."
Fang Yuan: "And you're broke. Let's move."
VILLAGE ARC (FANG YUAN'S ACTING DEBUT)
They find a hamlet. Fang Yuan method-acts as a burned-out farmer.
Village Guard (disgusted): "Ew. You look like a walking campfire story."
Fang Yuan (fake-sobbing): "Life's hard, bro. My house burned down saving rice."
(Guards buy it. Fang Yuan cons an old lady into letting them stay by fetching water like a simp.)
Bai Ning Bing (watching in disbelief): "You're terrifying."
Fang Yuan (grinning): "Thanks. Now, wanna try the Bone Flesh Unity Gu?"
(Pulls out the Gu worm bling—green and red bracelets fused together.)
Bai Ning Bing: "…Why does this feel like a couple's bracelet?"
Fang Yuan: "Because we're stuck together, whether you like it or not."
TWITCH CHAT REACTIONS:
💀 "Fang Yuan's face: 'I fought the fire and the fire won'."
🍿 "Dark Leopard's love story > Twilight."
🐍 "Bro looted the leopards mid-romance 💀"
🔥 "Fang Yuan's acting skills: Oscar-worthy scammer."
THE GREAT GU SYNCHRONIZATION
The dim hut smelled of damp earth and boiled sweet potatoes as Fang Yuan and Bai Ning Bing sat cross-legged on the creaky wooden bed. Moonlight streamed through the cracks in the wall, illuminating the pair of intertwined jade bracelets—one blood-red, one emerald-green—floating between them.
Bai Ning Bing (nose wrinkled): "Tch. These look like couple bracelets from a shady market stall."
Fang Yuan (ignoring her): "According to Grey Bone Scholar's notes, we need to—"
Bai Ning Bing (interrupting): "Yeah yeah, 'four palms touching,' blah blah. Just hurry up before I regret this."
(Their hands clasp—Fang Yuan's burnt, calloused palms pressing against Bai Ning Bing's ice-cold ones. The wrist marks GLOW like neon bar signs as primeval essence begins transferring.)
The Process:
Fang Yuan feeds 10% green copper primeval essence into the link.
The Gu converts it to 6% snow silver primeval essence (losing 40% in translation—thanks, mid-tier "indissoluble relation" quality).
Bai Ning Bing's aperture devours it like a hungry hippo, her cultivation rising noticeably.
Bai Ning Bing (eyes widening): "Huh. That actually... slaps."
Fang Yuan (smirking): "Now your turn. And don't get greedy—my aperture's weaker than a wet paper bag right now."
(Bai Ning Bing transfers energy back, but Fang Yuan's rank one aperture vibrates like a phone on silent mode from the strain of snow silver essence. He has to throttle the flow to a trickle to avoid exploding.)
CULTIVATION CRACK ADDICTION
Dawn, Day 3
Fang Yuan's entire vibe has changed. His burnt face can't hide the manic gleam in his eyes as he paces the hut like a caged tiger.
Fang Yuan (muttering): "Rank one peak stage... overnight... If I optimize the transfer ratios..."
Bai Ning Bing (watching him warily): "You look like a gambling addict who just discovered primeval essence blackjack."
(Flashback montage of the past 48 hours:)
Fang Yuan plowing fields at crocodile-strength speed by day.
Fang Yuan cultivating like a meth-fueled scholar by night.
The old lady tearfully calling him "such a good boy" as he accidentally uproots an entire sweet potato patch in his focus.
Bai Ning Bing (dryly): "You know most people sleep, right?"
Fang Yuan (distracted): "Sleep is just time you could've spent min-maxing your aperture."
(His crystal membrane aperture walls glow like a rave party—rank one peak stage achieved. The heavenly essence treasure lotus in his dantian vibrates happily, pumping out fresh primeval essence to fuel his addiction.)
FARMING SIMULATOR: DEMONIC EDITION
Noon, Rice Fields
Bai Ning Bing, bored out of her mind, decides to "help" farm.
Bai Ning Bing (swinging a hoe): "How hard can it—"
(The hoe explodes through a boulder, sending dirt flying 50 feet into the air. A chicken dies of fright.)
Fang Yuan (without looking up): "Maybe stick to murder."
Old Lady (clapping): "Such STRONG grandchildren! Here, have extra sweet potatoes!"
(Bai Ning Bing stares at the mushy tuber in her hand like it personally offended her. Fang Yuan eats three in one bite without breaking cultivation focus.)
Bai Ning Bing (muttering): "We're literally demonic fugitives hiding in a sweet potato farm. This is my life now."
TWITCH CHAT REACTIONS:
💀 "Fang Yuan speedrunning cultivation like it's a pay-to-win mobile game with his mom's credit card."
🍿 "Bai Ning Bing discovering farm life is the best character arc since Vegeta became a family man."
🐍 "Old lady adopting two war criminals and force-feeding them carbs is peak comedy."
🔥 "Bone Flesh Unity Gu = 'My toxic trait is carrying my duo partner' energy."