Diary Entry #0004
Date: July 05, 2023
I need to focus in study starting today, to get that Law degree.
— Ryan H
**✶✶✶[ Room | midnight]✶✶*
Hrrrk... snrk... ZzZzZ...
That night, I had a dream.
It was good.
And terrible.
At the same time.
Good—because me and Rachel were kissing like top-tier telenovela leads.
Slow motion. Dramatic angle. Background music sponsored by heartbreak and destiny.
But then... it turned into horror.
I opened my eyes.
Oh no.
Rachel was gone.
Standing in her place was...
A buff water buffalo.
Wearing eyeliner.
And a faint mustache.
"D-daddy… one more kiss~"
> I screamed internally.
Then externally.
"WHAT THE ACTUAL—"
**✶✶✶[ After dream ]✶✶*
Hrrrk… snrk… ZzZzZ…
Suddenly—
"AHHHH!!! HAHHH!!"
I shot up, gasping for air.
Heart racing. Eyes wide.
> "Shit... what a creepy dream."
I needed a sleep....(fade black)
**✶✶✶[ Morning ]✶✶*
Snrk... hrrkk...
Morning.
After surviving my buffalo-infested dream and reading ten pages of self-hate disguised as a textbook, I freshened up using cologne that smelled like regret and menthol, grabbed my bag, and sprinted out the door like the main character of a coming-of-age failure....(Transition to)
San Ignacio College of Law
Morning..
I arrived at school smiling like I got a scholarship from the University of Delusion.
> Me (thinking):
"This is it. My redemption arc begins… with a touch of insanity."
I entered like I was in a shampoo commercial.
Wind? Check.
Delulu? Maxed out.
> Me (to a guy):
"Good morning, Proof!"
> Random Guy (blinking):
"Uhh… my name's Paolo."
> Me (nodding seriously):
"Oh. Right. I meant your earrings."
(pause)
"Wait. Where is your hair?!"
> Paolo:
"You okay, bro?"
> Me (grinning):
"Nope. But I showed up anyway."
---
Flashback: Me as a Kid
Even as a kid, I was built different.
While the other kids ate crayons by accident…
I ate them on purpose.
To assert dominance.
Lost a jack-en-poy game once.
Challenged my classmate to a spelling bee.
We both cried.
> Me (thinking):
"I may be small… but my delulu is XXL." (slowly...fade..)
**✶✶✶[ My teacher ]✶✶*
[Second floor, Section Alpha]
I took my seat at the back and watched as our teacher walked in like a K-drama second lead.
Glasses? Check.
Rolled sleeves? Danger.
Aura? Rachel-level.
> Me (blushing):
"Why does this man give off forbidden romance energy?!"
> Sir Teacher (writing on board):
"Open your books to page 42."
> Me (internally panicking):
"Yes, daddy—WAIT. NO. I mean sir. TEACHER. EDUCATOR."
My classmates looked at me like I just confessed to a crime.
Some chuckled under their breath—small, confused laughs—like they weren't sure if they should be concerned or entertained.
then.
Brain? Lagging like a cheap charger.
I looked down at my notebook. I had written only one line:
> He has veins.
**✶✶✶[ after class ]✶✶*
Bell rang. Class dismissed.
> Me (stretching):
"Finally. Time to go home and cry horizontally."
[San Ignacio, Street, Coastal Road]
As I walked past traffic, I tried guessing car brands like a broke Top Gear host.
> Me:
"Honda. Mitsubishi. Is that a Tesla?—Nope. Jeepney with a spoiler and a rosary."
As I walked past the siopao vendor, I caught her staring at me.
She was probably thinking, "Wow… what a handsome and intelligent young man."
(But let's be real—she was probably just wondering if I was okay… or slowly losing my mind.)
Then I smelled it.
Snff… snnfffffff…
Steam. Warm bread. Childhood.
Siopao.
I stopped.
> Me (soft):
"…Mama."
***
** [Flashback: 6 Years Ago — Our Kitchen]***
> Mama (smiling):
"Anak, when life gets hard… eat a siopao. It's soft. Warm. Like a hug."
> Me (tiny):
"But we don't have ulam."
> Mama:
"Then siopao is the ulam."
> Me:
"Siopao supremacy."
***
[Present Time]
> Me (staring at siopao):
"Mama… your steamed hugs still haunt me."
I reached into my pocket.
Empty.
I walked away siopao-less.
But emotionally full.
**✶✶✶[ My Apartment]✶✶*
[Evening]
Twelve thousand steps later, I was home.
> Me (sniffing the air):
"Yup. Smells like wet dog, failed dreams, and someone else's regret."
I collapsed on the floor dramatically like a telenovela lead discovering betrayal.
> Me (to ceiling):
"This is home. It stinks. I love it."
I closed my eyes.
...then flinched.
A sound—BEEP… BEEP…
Like something from a hospital room.
> Me (murmuring):
"Tch... not this dream again."
[Day 4 continue]
***
[Thank you for reading, God bless]
-"Hope is free. So I bought 17 kilos of it."