Chapter 42: War is Coming
"Seriously, why are you here again?"
Qifeng shot Asuma a look that could have killed a man—which, considering his workplace, wasn't entirely out of the question.
Back during ninja academy days, things were manageable. Asuma would only show up every few days when his nicotine cravings got the better of his teenage willpower. But now? The kid practically had a reserved parking spot outside the morgue. Hell, he'd probably start charging rent if this kept up.
"You do realize you're the Hokage's son, right?" Qifeng muttered, gesturing vaguely at their surroundings. "Most people your age are worried about acne and crushes. You're hanging out with corpses for fun."
Thank God Sarutobi Hiruzen was too busy juggling political disasters to notice his son's morbid new hangout spot. Otherwise, Qifeng would probably end up explaining to the Third Hokage why his boy preferred dead company to living friends.
Asuma took a long drag from his cigarette, somehow managing to look even more world-weary than the guy who literally worked with dead people for a living.
"So I heard you're an examiner for the Chunin Exams now?" Asuma asked, trying to sound casual and failing spectacularly.
"What about it?" Qifeng's eye-roll could have powered a small village.
"Are the genin from other villages that strong? The old man's been coming home looking like someone stole his tobacco stash for days."
Qifeng let out a dry laugh. "Trust me, kid, your dad's got bigger problems than whether some twelve-year-old from Stone Village can throw a shuriken straight."
The truth was painfully obvious to anyone with half a brain cell: the negotiations between Konoha and the other three major villages were going about as smoothly as a porcupine in a balloon factory. Everyone wanted a piece of Konoha, and they weren't particularly interested in asking nicely.
The whole village felt like a pressure cooker ready to blow. Even the legendary Sannin had been called back from their respective corners of the world, which never happened unless someone was about to get spectacularly murdered.
"You worried about war?" Asuma asked, his voice dropping to something approaching seriousness.
Qifeng glanced at the eager expression on the kid's face and sighed, pulling out another cigarette. At this rate, Asuma was going to develop lung problems before he made chunin.
"What else would it be? A bake sale?"
Even students still picking their noses in the academy could smell the tension in the air. The adults weren't exactly subtle about their "we're all going to die horribly" expressions.
"Ha!" Asuma's grin was sharp enough to cut glass. "Everyone's itching for a fight but too chicken to throw the first punch. Probably take forever to actually start anything."
Despite being young enough to still get carded for kunai purchases, Asuma had inherited his father's political instincts. Scary how quickly Hokage kids learned to see the world in terms of acceptable casualties.
"Maybe," Qifeng agreed, though privately he suspected things might spiral out of control faster than anyone expected.
The Chunin Exams were supposed to be Konoha's comeback tour—a chance to remind everyone why they were top dog. Instead, it was turning into a spectacular demonstration of how to shoot yourself in both feet while blindfolded.
The other villages had come prepared to make Konoha look like amateur hour, and they were succeeding beautifully. As someone who spent his days cataloging the increasingly creative ways genin were getting themselves killed in the Forest of Death, Qifeng had a front-row seat to the disaster.
"Asuma! You're here too!"
Might Guy burst in like a green-clad hurricane, sweat pouring off him in quantities that defied basic biology. His eyes burned with the kind of enthusiasm usually reserved for religious zealots and small children on sugar highs.
The morgue had somehow become Guy's favorite rest stop, which said disturbing things about his definition of "relaxation." Then again, when your idea of a light workout involved doing push-ups until your arms fell off, air conditioning probably felt like a divine gift.
"You're early today, Guy," Asuma observed with the energy of a sloth on sedatives.
Watching Guy bounce around like a caffeinated kangaroo while surrounded by dead bodies had a certain surreal quality that made normal life seem appealingly boring.
"The Sand Village delegation just up and left!" Guy announced while grabbing his trusty broom. "Interrupted my training, so I figured I'd come help out here first."
Qifeng nearly fell out of his chair. "Wait, what? They left? Before the Chunin Exams even finished?"
"Yep! Just packed up and ran," Guy confirmed, already working up a sweat from aggressive floor-sweeping. "Weird, right? I mean, chunin rank is pretty important stuff!"
Guy's indignation was almost cute, coming from someone who hadn't even made genin yet but talked about youth and determination like they were actual military strategies.
Asuma noticed Qifeng's expression shift to something resembling actual concern, which was alarming since the man's default setting was "aggressively apathetic."
"What's wrong?" Asuma asked, cigarette dangling from his lips.
Qifeng's voice went flat and serious—never a good sign. "This is bad. Really bad. If the Sand Village delegation just bailed without explanation, the higher-ups should be connecting some pretty ugly dots right about now."
"You mean..." Asuma's eyes widened as the implications hit him like a brick to the face.
Qifeng nodded grimly, staring toward the Hokage building like he could see through the walls to where important people were probably having very urgent, very quiet conversations.
"War is coming."
---
The Chunin Exams ground to a halt faster than Guy's chances of passing a written test.
Once the Sand ninja vanished, the other village delegations developed a sudden, synchronized case of "urgent business elsewhere." The Mist and Cloud ninja practically trampled each other racing for the exits, terrified that Konoha might develop some inconvenient ideas about "detaining foreign diplomats for questioning."
---
**Hokage Building, Office of People Making Terrible Decisions**
"Hiruzen! How could you just let the Sand ninja leave?!"
Danzo burst through the office doors like an angry one-eyed bulldozer, his perpetual scowl somehow even more pronounced than usual. Sarutobi Hiruzen stood by the window, pipe smoke creating artistic swirls around his weathered face—the international sign for "I'm too old for this shit."
When the Hokage didn't immediately respond, Danzo limped closer, gripping his cane like he was considering using it for something other than walking.
"Do you have any idea who Rasa is? The Third Kazekage's personal student! Probably the next Kazekage! If we'd grabbed him, the Sand Village would have been so busy kissing our boots they wouldn't dare—"
"Danzo."
Sarutobi's voice cut through the rant like a blade. His tired eyes sharpened into something that reminded everyone present why he'd survived this long in a job with a notoriously high mortality rate.
"We. Are. Konoha."
The words hung in the air like a death sentence. Not the Konoha that could have crushed every other village and ruled the ninja world through fear. Not the Konoha that prioritized victory over honor. The Konoha that inherited Hashirama's dream of peace, even when peace was inconvenient, expensive, and probably suicidal.
Sure, the Sand ninja were acting suspicious. But "acting suspicious" wasn't the same as "actively invading," and jumping to conclusions was how you ended up being the bad guy in history books.
Besides, detaining foreign diplomats without concrete proof was the kind of move that turned "righteous defenders" into "warmongering tyrants" in the court of public opinion. The ninja world might be ruthless, but it still appreciated good optics.
"You're being naive! Stupid! Stubborn!" Danzo spat, apparently working through his entire vocabulary of insults.
He slammed his cane against the floor and stomped toward the door, muttering darkly about missed opportunities and weak leadership.
In Danzo's mind, this was simple: arrest everyone, attack first, and sort out the moral implications later. The current Konoha could steamroll the entire ninja world if they just stopped being so annoyingly ethical about it.
"Hiruzen's lost his edge," Danzo growled as he left the building. "Time for someone with actual spine to take over."
Because nothing said "effective leadership" like a man whose solution to every problem involved more violence and fewer witnesses.
****************
Additional chapters on Patr*n
35 Advanced chapters & 5 Bonus chapters of Corpse Picker of Konoha
20 Chapters of Naruto : Blazing Legend
patre*n*com/IchigoTL