Chapter 34: Here We Go Again
Never in his wildest dreams had Qifeng imagined he'd end up as an exam proctor. The irony was screaming louder than Sakura after Naruto's dumb comments.
Walking back through Konoha's streets, he tried to find some silver lining in his situation. If it weren't for Orochimaru's little power play, he might have actually felt a tiny bit of relief about the whole thing.
Instead, he felt like he was walking around with a target painted on his back.
The village was definitely busier than usual—the Chunin Exams always brought this kind of controlled chaos. Streets that were normally quiet enough to hear a pin drop now buzzed with activity. Merchants hawked their wares to foreign visitors, and the air hummed with the kind of energy that came with international attention.
It wasn't entirely unpleasant. As someone who'd spent his previous life as a shut-in and his current one hanging around corpses, Qi Feng had developed a preference for quiet. But this wasn't the oppressive silence of death—it was life, messy and loud and wonderfully complicated.
Of course, you could also feel the ANBU presence like a low-grade headache. They were everywhere, invisible but unmistakable to anyone who knew how to look. Standard procedure during the exams, but given how close they were to war, Qi Feng suspected they were more concerned about infiltrators than rowdy tourists.
Smart move, really. Nothing like a international gathering to bring out the worst in people.
He was just crossing into the alley that led back to his beloved morgue when he heard it—the kind of voices that usually preceded someone doing something spectacularly stupid.
Great. Just what I needed.
His first instinct was to keep walking. Whatever teenage drama was unfolding in that alley wasn't his problem. That's what ANBU was for, right? Let them handle the—
But the voices were right in his path home, and curiosity had always been one of his more problematic traits.
The scene that greeted him was like something out of a badly written drama. Two groups of kids facing off, tension thick enough to choke on. Konoha headbands on one side, Mist Village on the other. The international incident starter pack, complete with posturing and barely contained hostility.
"Nope," he muttered to himself. "Not my circus, not my monkeys. Let ANBU deal with this mess."
He was already planning his detour when something made him take a second look at the Mist group.
Oh, you've got to be kidding me.
Even at ten years old, Hoshigaki Kisame was unmistakable. The shark-like features, the gill markings, the predatory stillness that marked him as something fundamentally different from the other kids. Future member of the Seven Ninja Swordsmen, future Akatsuki member, future "Tailless Tailed Beast."
Right now, he was just a kid leaning against a wall, but Qifeng could practically feel the danger radiating off him like heat from a furnace.
Their eyes met for a moment—shark-cold and calculating—and Qifeng felt that familiar chill of recognition. Not that Kisame would know him, but there was something unsettling about being catalogued by someone who would grow up to be a living weapon.
Qifeng rubbed his forehead, feeling a headache coming on.
"If Kisame's here, those Konoha kids are about to get a very unpleasant education in the difference between academy training and real world experience."
He glanced at the Konoha group—earnest, eager, probably never seen real combat in their lives. Against most opponents, they'd probably do fine. Against a future member of the Seven Swordsmen?
They were going to get massacred.
Should I get involved?
The question hung in the air like a bad smell. On one hand, not his problem. On the other hand, if these kids got seriously hurt and his superiors found out he'd been right here and done nothing...
Well, that would be awkward to explain.
While he was debating the ethics of intervention, the Mist group noticed their audience. Following their gaze, the Konoha kids turned to stare at him too.
Fantastic. Now I'm part of the drama.
He shrugged, trying to project the universal "I'm just passing through" vibe. No such luck.
"Qifeng?!"
The voice came from the Konoha group, and for a moment, Qi Feng felt genuine relief. At least someone recognized him, which meant this didn't have to be completely awkward.
The speaker stepped forward—a forgettable face attached to an equally forgettable presence. It took Qi Feng a moment to place him.
"Odasuke?"
Right, the human equivalent of background noise. Middle of the pack in everything, the kind of student teachers forgot about five minutes after graduation. Which was probably why he remembered Qifeng—fellow bottom-feeder solidarity.
"What are you doing here?" Odasuke asked, like running into your old classmate in an alley was the most natural thing in the world.
"Heard some noise, came to check it out. What's going on?"
Odasuke's expression shifted to righteous indignation, the kind that usually preceded someone doing something heroically stupid. He pointed at the Mist group like he was identifying criminals in a lineup.
"They said our Konoha Genin are weak! That we're going to embarrass ourselves in the Chunin Exams!"
He looked at Qifeng expectantly, clearly waiting for the appropriate outrage.
Instead, Qi Feng's eye twitched as he tried to keep his expression neutral.
I mean... they're not wrong.
Looking at the Konoha kids and then at Kisame, it was like comparing house cats to a tiger. The outcome was pretty much predetermined.
But you couldn't exactly say that out loud.
"Who's that guy?" The Mist ninjas were having their own little conference, voices carrying just enough to be insulting.
"Looks like another nobody. Probably just another loser taking the exams."
"God, Konoha really is pathetic. Look at these weaklings they're sending. No backbone, no killer instinct."
Qi Feng had to admit, the Mist kids had a point. Their village's graduation requirements were legendarily brutal—you literally had to kill your classmates to advance. It was like comparing wolves raised in the wild to puppies from a pet store.
"Not all trash," Kisame spoke up, his voice carrying that casual menace that would make him famous. "That one noticed me right away. Was going to leave until he saw me."
"Really?" One of his teammates sounded genuinely surprised. "Well, doesn't matter. Just means the exams might be slightly less boring."
The kid turned back to the Konoha group with a grin that was all teeth and malice. He made a throat-cutting gesture that was probably visible from space.
"Hey, Konoha trash! Better wash your necks and wait for us!"
The laughter that followed was the kind that made normal people's skin crawl. The Konoha kids bristled, hands moving toward weapons, and Qifeng could practically see the disaster unfolding in real time.
The Mist kids were baiting them, waiting for the first move so they'd have an excuse to turn this into a bloodbath. And the Konoha kids were about to give them exactly what they wanted.
I really don't want to do this.
But the disgust on his face wasn't for either group—it was for the forehead protector he wore, the responsibilities that came with it, and the fact that he was about to have to be the adult in this situation.
He stepped forward, hand outstretched to stop the Konoha kids from committing suicide by combat.
The Mist group shifted into ready positions, eyeing him like sharks scenting blood in the water. The anticipation was almost palpable.
"Listen," Qifeng said, his voice carrying the weary authority of someone who'd seen too much, "I'd be careful with that kind of talk. Keep it up and you might find yourselves disqualified from the exams altogether."
The silence that followed was the kind that came right before explosions.
Then the laughter started.
"Are you serious?!" The throat-cutting kid was practically crying with mirth. "You? Some nobody loser is going to—wait. Wait, what the hell is that?"
His laughter died as he spotted the examiner badge in Qi Feng's hand, the official seal catching the light like a beacon.
The transformation was immediate and beautiful. Arrogant sneers became expressions of dawning horror. The Konoha kids looked like they'd seen a ghost, especially Odasuke, who was staring at his old classmate like he'd grown a second head.
From fellow exam-taker to exam-giver in the span of a heartbeat.
It was almost poetic, really.
Qifeng rubbed his nose, trying to look apologetic about the whole thing.
"So, as one of the official examiners for this year's Chunin Exams, I think I'm definitely qualified to revoke your participation privileges."
The words hung in the air like a death sentence.
Well, shit. There goes my cover.
He'd been hoping to keep the examiner thing quiet for as long as possible, maybe blend into the background until the whole mess was over. But these kids had forced his hand with their little testosterone-fueled standoff.
I wanted to get along with everyone as just another guy, but you all had to push it. Fine. I'm the examiner. You scared now?
The truth was, everyone would know tomorrow anyway. The secret was never going to last.
But still.
Here we go again.
Another identity revealed, another layer of anonymity stripped away. At this rate, he'd be famous by the end of the week.
And fame, in the ninja world, was usually a prelude to an early grave.
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