I nodded my head and at the same time, blurted out my inner thought, "But you are still upset, right?" My head dared not lift but my eyes were steadily glancing at his direction, gauging his reaction.
"Not at all. I simply could not see myself being upset over something you could not control and I mean it," he replied. While that was sweet of him, unfortunately that was not what I was asking about.
"But you are upset about the wedding cancelled, yes?" The sentence barely left my lips because I felt it was such a sensitive zone I would be treading. However, I was dying to know his answer! It was shameful of me to admit but my curiosity was much stronger than my morality. Screw boundaries! My mind itself is a ticking bomb with triggers yet to be known. If I did not speak now, I might regret it later on. Or my memory would wiped the slate clean again, giving a brand new but utterly clueless Maisie.
And my instinct turned out to be true. It was definitely a sensitive topic because he kept quiet for quite a while. No! Rather than being quiet, he seemed to be hesitant with his answer. "There's always next time," he said with such a pained smile.
No way in this world would I be satisfied with that answer. I pushed his button slightly even more. Well, when have I never right? I challenged him hoping he would be much more open to me, "But what if there's no next time? Wouldn't you hold a grudge against me?"
"What?! No, of course not!" His widened eyes and head jerked backwards were enough proof to me that he meant every single word. But was that the answer I was searching for? Nooo… Would I be giving up? N to the O! I too, have tricks up my sleeve and I am confident dragging this conversation would yield me the favourable result.
With the most puppy-eyed look I could muster and the most adorable duckling's pout my lips could produced, I looked at him and said in a baby talk voice, "But you were so down that you even chugged down wine and passed out…"
My fingers played its role, twirling non-existent strings on the table, adding extra layer of distraction for him from the actual chaos going on within me. Why? My inner core shivered with cringe at my action! The vibration was so strong, I would not be surprised if the table would start shaking violently. Inside my head, I could already picture myself head banging against the wall and at the same time, digging a huge hole with a magical teaspoon big enough to cover my head underground.
Even so, I know he could not resist it. I need to find out everything. EVERYTHING! Because I was not sure which part of the information is important for me and if I was going to write down everything in the book, I better obtain as much information as I could in the event I lose my memory again!
"That was for a different reason,"he answered. But his voice was quite low that even he knew I knew he lied.
"Since it coincide with our wedding reception and you emptied out the whole floor…" I mused aloud, placing the bait carefully. Heck, if he loved me as he said he did, I did not even have to finish my sentence. We both knew what I was trying to imply.
"Yes, I was upset that the wedding was cancelled," he spat out in defeat and stood up from his seat. His back was facing me while his fingers frustratedly ran through his hair.
"See!!!" I yelled in delight. My fingers were quick to point at him mockingly, as though I was declared the winner and he, the loser. Thankfully he did not see my childish behaviour. Otherwise, I had no doubt I might be camping by the streets. Not because he was heartless but because my behaviour was too spiteful to deserve a roof over my head.
"I was upset because that was the day you have been looking forward to and you had to miss it."
Oh, how disconcerting the silence was! Even I was confused whether it was me who played him or it was actually him who played me. Because I could not understand why his reason centred around me. It just did not make any sense. "Surely there's another reason?" I whispered, silently praying he would make a more believable lie.
"Of course I'm also upset at myself for failing to identify the sign. I could have done something to prevent all that and you could have your day."
I know I could feel the excitement from my entries alone but even that, I had doubts about myself writing so. And for him to insist I would be upset because I did not have my day was unbelievable. Of all people, I never liked being the centre of attention. Let alone a wedding where eyes were on the bride and groom.
"But aren't we, like… already legally married?" I asked in confusion. Knowing me, I would be much more content having my wedding to be submitting the legal paperwork. But for me to personally have such extensive wedding planned was wild!
This time he turned around and gave a puzzled expression, "Yes, we are. Would you rather… Hmm, no. Never mind." He swiftly changed his mind and shook his head, making me even more curious what he wanted to say. Like WHAAT?! TELL ME!!!
Unfortunately the topic stopped there because even I was rendered speechless. It simply did not make any sense to me why I would be looking forward to a wedding. Not to mention, this would be my second marriage! If I truly had wanted such a luxurious and extravagant wedding, I could have already done so with Alistair. Even his family offered to splurge and sponsored our wedding!
It was no secret that Alistair was loaded. I knew that long before I married him then. The only reason why we managed to get along was because we shared the same drive and that was to live life in moderation. We shared the same value in life. Well, at least that knowledge was true when I was still Alistair's wife. Who knew he was far more ambitious and to think him being with me prevented his succession.