I was dreaming of peace.
A meadow. Birds. A gentle breeze brushing through my hair.
And then—
[DING!]
[SYSTEM UPDATE COMPLETE.]
[Now installing: YANDERE MODE +1]
[New Feature Unlocked: "Yandere Thermometer – Know Who's Ready to Explode!"]
My eyes snapped open.
"Why," I muttered into my pillow, "does my life come with patch notes?"
A sharp knock echoed from the door. Then another. Then the sound of five different girls fighting over who gets to break it down first.
"REI-SAMA, GOOD MORNING~!"
"I brought breakfast and a vow of eternal loyalty!"
"LET ME IN OR I'LL—I'll love you so hard you won't survive!"
One of them bit the doorknob.
I sat up in bed, mechanically summoned a [Daily Health Potion] from my Inventory, and chugged it like a man prepping for war.
[System Notification: Daily Health Potion used. You are now 2% more durable to Affection-Based Trauma.]
[Note: This does NOT apply to tongue-based attacks.]
"Thank you for the specificity," I grumbled.
My vision swam with the new interface. A glowing thermometer now hovered above every girl's head, with cute—but extremely alarming—icons.
Across the mansion, they all read the same word:
[OVERHEATING.]
Location: Main Hall, aka the Love Arena
I made my way to breakfast under heavy guard. By guard, I mean my shadow was being shared by five girls walking way too close. My personal space bubble had popped and was replaced by a collective oxygen-sharing agreement.
"Rei," Seraphina purred, leaning in until her breath fogged my ear. Her thermometer blinked [99°C – Boiling With Bridal Intentions].
"Have you selected today's royal kiss target?" she asked, already puckering her lips like a swan prepped for homicide.
"I have not, because that's not a thing!"
"It should be," she replied. "A national law, even."
Next to her, Drakana flexed her tail with a grin that promised violence and cuddles.
"I forged you a breakfast plate using volcanic stone and bacon," she said proudly, her thermometer reading:
[103°C – Singed and Suggestive.]
"I… thank you?" I said, eyeing the sizzling bacon now burning a hole in the table.
Lilia pushed past them, dragging a silver tray.
"Here," she said coldly, placing a heart-shaped omelet in front of me. It read: REI FOREVER OR ELSE.
[Lilia: 101°C – Ice-Cold Outside, Boiling Inside.]
"I didn't poison it this time," she added after a long pause. "Probably."
Even Rosette appeared behind me like a gentle poltergeist. She slid a napkin across the table with my name written in red thread. Blood-red.
She whispered, "I ironed your clothes and removed every strand of hair that wasn't yours from your room."
[Rosette: 102°C – Murderously Domestic.]
"Thanks, I… think?"
The system chimed again.
[YANDERE THERMOMETER GUIDE:]
[90°C–99°C] = Mild Delirium (Expect sudden hugging, intense blushing, minor stabbing.)
[100°C–109°C] = Critical Temperature (Do not make sudden movements. Proposals may come with traps.)
[110°C+] = Meltdown Mode (May result in elopement, combat, or cuddling with handcuffs.)
[WARNING: All known fiancées currently fall into the "May Require Cold Shower" zone.]
I wanted to cry.
Instead, I drank another Health Potion.
Midday Event: The Hug Parade
Apparently, the new update came with a new System Daily Mission.
[System Mission #37: "Survive 10 Yandere Hugs Before Noon."]
[Reward: Temporary Invincibility (15 seconds) or a nap. You choose.]
[Bonus: Don't die.]
I could already hear the stampede.
"REIIIIIIII~!!!"
Rosette struck first, silently lunging from a hallway tapestry like a ghost bear. She wrapped her arms around me like velvet steel.
HUG 1: Internal organs compacted to 80% efficiency.
"+1 affection," she whispered sweetly.
"Hhhngk," I replied, patting her arm and trying not to black out.
Then Lilia approached with a quiet, dangerous smile. Her hug was precise, swift—like being caught by a sniping assassin mid-snuggle.
HUG 2: Spine compressed. No major fractures. Yet.
"Is this… good enough?" she asked, blushing.
"I—I'm honored. Also... seeing stars," I mumbled.
Drakana didn't hug.
She charged.
Like a romantic bull.
I activated [Evasive Pirouette Lv. 3], but she still caught me mid-spin and slammed me into a tree trunk like a WWE bridal suplex.
"YEAH!" she cheered, hugging me upside down. "DRAGON BRIDE SUPLEX HUG: COMPLETE!"
HUG 3: Bones vibrated. Tree destroyed.
[System Alert: Hug Resistance Leveling Up… but not fast enough.]
Then came Seraphina.
"Your turn, darling," she whispered, teleporting behind me. "Royal Embrace: Heavenly Clamp."
My ribs squeaked. I coughed up glitter.
"H-How… how are you this strong?!"
"Love is strength," she said, winking.
And then she licked my cheek.
[System Emergency Response Activated.]
[Auto-Potion Deployed.]
[Sanity -5]
Afternoon: System Help Desk… Please?
I finally found a moment of peace hiding in a decorative barrel.
System interface opened again with a suspiciously cheerful chime.
[NEW UPDATE FEEDBACK FORM:]
[Q1: Are you enjoying the Yandere Thermometer feature?]
Options:
☐ Yes, I love living in fear.
☐ No, I value my lungs.
☐ Please uninstall me from existence.
☐ I no longer fear death, only hugs.
I selected: ☐ I no longer fear death, only hugs.
The system pinged sympathetically.
[Thank you for your feedback. We regret to inform you that emotional damage is part of the intended gameplay experience.]
[Also, here's a sticker: "I Survived The Hugpocalypse!"]
I placed the sticker on my shirt.
It caught fire from residual Drakana hugs.
Evening: Romantic Cooldown Session (Mandatory)
Seraphina, Lilia, Drakana, and Rosette decided that the only way to "cool off their love levels" was a group cuddle session in the courtyard under the stars.
I was the pillow.
Not metaphorically.
Literally.
They stacked themselves on top of me like the world's deadliest romantic lasagna.
Seraphina was wrapped around my arm. Drakana snored into my chest. Rosette held my hand like she was measuring for ring sizes. Lilia murmured something about "eliminating rivals" in her sleep.
My thermometer blinked with a new label:
[Rei: 112°C – Boiling. Warning: Emotional Overload Imminent.]
[System Tip: Love may warm your heart. Also possibly ignite your kidneys.]
As the stars twinkled overhead and my bones cracked gently from the weight of too much love, I whispered:
"…Is it too late to defect to the Demon King's army?"
[System Response: Too late. The Demon Queen sent you a proposal. It's heart-shaped. And ticking.]
To be continued…