What she didn't say was:
---
I was shaking, but I watched with eyes wide open as they fought and killed each other.
That man was one of the last to fall.
I watched him lose his life right in front of me.
His opponent cornered him, forced him to kneel and slashed his throat open with a gleaming blade.
A spray of blood escaped his cut throat, and splattered all over my clothes.
I watched the life bleed out of him like a pig being gutted.
I watched as his obscene eyes lost their light.
I was repulsed by the feeling of his blood on me, but also so happy that I couldn't help smiling.
---
"The new soldiers won. Later, I found the men were under General Han's command. He was only a company leader back then. He introduced himself and realizing I was from the Lu family, he said he'd take me to my brother."
What she didn't say was:
---
I didn't realize at that time that the reason I wasn't afraid of the new soldiers was because a part of me had already recognized the crimson and black colors of the Ji family army.
When Han raised his sword again, I flinched, but kept my eyes open. He cut the ropes binding me to the tree.
When I was free, he took his helmet off, and I finally saw his face.
And at that moment, it was the most beautiful face in the world. And he was the best person in the world.
Seeing my strange expression, he asked me, "Do I know you?"
I suddenly remembered who and where I was. I shook my head.
When I tried to take a step forward, I stumbled.
He held my elbow, but I snatched myself out of his grip. I didn't mean to, but my body was acting on it's own.
He backed off a step, and I desperately didn't want him to leave.
I fell to the ground, curled up into a ball and started crying loudly.
I cried because of many reasons.
The first reason was: I was so relieved. I had been in a nightmare the whole day and it had finally happened. The worst that could have happened had been prevented.
The second reason was: he couldn't be allowed to leave. He had to stay. He and the Ji family army meant safety. I had to get his attention and keep him here.
The third reason was: it was the first time I realized how dirty, how utterly filthy, the appetites of men could make me feel. I hadn't done anything wrong, but I felt ashamed and degraded.
But once I started crying, I couldn't stop.
I was shaking, sobbing, trembling, howling. And I just could not stop crying.
I didn't even realize I was freezing cold until a warm cloak was draped snugly over me.
He patted my head, lightly, gently.
"It's alright. It's all over. We're from the Ji family army. You're from the Lu family, right? Your brother was looking for you earlier. I'll take you to him. You're safe now."
---
"He gave me a horse, and we headed back. I was slowing the whole company down, but he didn't blame me."
"General Han looks cold and stern, but he's really considerate," Chen Hai said thoughtfully.
Lu Yan felt startled. She had almost forgotten he was there, listening to her talk about this incident.
"Yes," she said slowly, "He was kind to me."
"What happened then?"
"By the time we found my brother, it was the afternoon of the next day. They had retreated to Qing city, which is where the nearest garrison was located. I had been missing for a night and day. I was bruised and scraped. In short, I looked completely disheveled."
What she didn't say was:
---
During that time traveling, Han had done his best to make her look presentable.
But her outer robes were in pieces. She had no choice but to wear Han's heavy black cloak.
Her face was swollen and bruised purple from where that man had hit her. Even though Han gave her what medicine his company had, the bruising only looked worse the closer they got to Qing city.
Her wrists had been chafed raw when she tried to escape from the ropes. She had cleaned the wounds, and they were starting to scab over. But the red was shocking against her pale skin.
Finding her crying while watching her disheveled reflection in a basin of water, Han had said, "Nothing happened. You'll be fine."
She had pointed at her swollen colorful face, and asked tearfully, "How can you say that?"
He simply said, "It could have been a lot worse. They're all dead now. And you're still alive."
Such a simple view of looking at the world. Your enemies are dead, but you're alive. So black and white.
She thought his words made sense. She was alive, while they would rot in the wilderness and vultures would eat their flesh.
She felt better. At that time, she couldn't have dreamt of the storm that was waiting for her in the capital.
Seeing how efficiently she cleaned up her own wounds, Han asked her to take a look at his injured soldiers.
She thought he was assigning a random task to keep her busy and prevent her overthinking.
But she didn't realize that he watched her thoughtfully all the while.
When she was done taking care of his soldiers, he cornered her in the tent she'd been assigned.
"You're trained in healing," he stated.
Lu Yan avoided his eyes, pretending to be busy arranging the medicine box, "A little bit."
He drew closer, lifted her chin with a finger, and examined her face closely.
She was startled, but not afraid.
Well, her heart was beating fast.
But only because he was so close to uncovering her secret. It wasn't fear she was feeling, just nervousness. No matter what happened, master would protect her.
Han's eyes were thoughtful.
"What's you name?" he asked suddenly.
She pulled away, retreating while scolding, "You shouldn't ask for a girl's name like this, Company Leader Han. It's inappropriate."
He just looked at her, unimpressed by her little tricks.
But he didn't persist.