In a dark and gloomy cave littered with bats, costumes, and the bright glow of computers sat a man dressed like a bat. Some know him as darkness. Others, vengeance. To more, he is The Dark Knight: Batman.
But today, this relentless symbol of justice had another identity... Gotham's godly internet troll.
"Enhance... enhance... aaaand rotate." Bruce muttered, eyes glued to the Batcomputer screen, where an image of Batman, mid-rooftop leap, was paused with the rear view in full glory. A 3D-rendered, side-by-side comparison of Bruce Wayne walking on the beach now occupied half the screen.
Over the speakers, a mechanical voice read aloud:
"Do the butts match?"
Alfred stood nearby with a tea tray and the sort of expression usually reserved for people who just walked in on a raccoon eating cake with a fork.
"Sir, if I may," he began, placing the tray down with only a *mildly* judgmental clink. "I do not believe uploading edited buttocks comparison charts to the GothamNet forum under the username 'DefinitelyNotBatman42' is a proper use of your time."
Bruce leaned back, smirking. "Alfred, you're looking at the future of misinformation. You think Luthor can manipulate public opinion? Watch this."
With a single click, the meme went live: a split-screen titled "Bruce Wayne? Batman? Butt I Don't Think So!", complete with red arrows, zoomed-in cheeks, and a caption that read:
"One of these men is clearly skipping leg day."
Almost instantly, the post lit up. Reactions poured in.
"Lmao no way Batman's got that kind of glute definition."
"Bruce Wayne's a billionaire, you think he'd risk chafing in spandex?"
"This is why Batman doesn't kill—he slays"
Alfred sighed and poured himself a cup of tea. "Might I suggest, sir, a more conventional alibi? Perhaps philanthropy?"
"No one cares about philanthropy anymore, Alfred, at least not those who arn't ridiculously rich. But memes and conspiracies? That'll keep them off my trail for months."
Just then, a ping sounded.
Lucius Fox: "Bruce. Why am I seeing a 3D wireframe of your posterior on my morning news feed?"
Bruce typed back: "Diversion strategy. It's working."
Lucius: "Remind me again why I haven't resigned."
Another ping.
Commissioner Gordon: "Stop sending me this meme, Batman. I get it. The butts don't match."
Bruce cracked his knuckles and leaned forward. "Alright. Time for abs."
Alfred looks officially done with this.