Aizen, my ever-patient, slightly gay evil dog-babysitter, opened up a garganta to the Human World again. I was bouncing on my feet like a caffeinated toddler strapped to a jackhammer.
"GUOOOH!"
(Translation: LET'S GO, HUMAN WORLD! DADDY'S BACK!)
I was 6 meters tall now. No longer a 20-meter Gillian with the grace of a drunken phone pole. And lemme tell you — being smaller but better felt amazing. Especially since my EP reward cap wasn't stuck at 700 anymore. I could finally get PAID for being a dumbass.
We stepped out into the night sky over some random human city. Neon lights. Late-night takoyaki stands. Salarymen getting drunk at karaoke. Perfect.
I immediately started doing what I do best.
Dumb. Stupid. Stuff.
First target? A billboard with some smug human dude advertising "Premium Life Insurance."
I ripped it off the building and sent it frisbee-spinning into the horizon.
[EP Reward: 10,000]
"GUOOOH!"
(Translation: TAKE THAT, CAPITALISM!)
Did I stop there? HELL NO.
I spotted a street vendor selling takoyaki and, even though humans couldn't see me, I smacked the cart like a volleyball. Takoyaki went flying everywhere, bonking pedestrians. One guy got hit square in the face, screamed about an octopus curse, and sprinted off.
[EP Reward: 12,000]
"GUOOOH!"
(Translation: NEW URBAN LEGEND UNLOCKED!)
Aizen, naturally, just stood nearby, panting with his tongue out like a lazy dog, watching the chaos unfold.
And then… Trouble.
A Senkaimon door open nearby. Out stepped four Shinigami — three in black robes and one with a captain's haori.
I froze mid-dumbness.
Wait… they couldn't see me, right?
Wrong.
"There! A Hollow!" the captain barked, eyes locking on me like a sniper.
OH NO.
"GUOOOH!"
(Translation: AIZEN, I THINK I SCREWED UP!)
I panicked. Picked up a nearby car and started balancing it on one hand like a pizza tray, hoping to distract them with my superior dumbassery. It did not work.
The Shinigami immediately flash-stepped toward me.
"Bakudō #4: Hainawa!" one shouted, ropes of light snapping around my arm.
"GUOOOOH!?"
(Translation: RUDE!)
I tore free, tripped over a clothesline, got tangled in some poor lady's underpants, stumbled headfirst into a garbage pile, and somersaulted down a hill.
[EP Reward: 6,000]
"GUOOOH!"
(Translation: STILL WORTH IT!)
The captain was pissed. "Don't let it escape!"
They gave chase — fast as hell — but my passive aura started kicking in. I saw it happen: two of them suddenly stopped mid-sprint, staring at a nearby vending machine like it was some ancient artifact.
"Wait… do you guys remember if vending machines can fly?"
"What the hell are you talking about?!"
The captain was still on my tail, though, shaking off the passive effect like a stubborn migraine.
I crashed through a shopping mall sign featuring a giant poster of a swimsuit model holding a watermelon. The watermelon part?
I stole it.
Aizen, meanwhile, was lounging on a nearby rooftop, wagging his tail and enjoying the show like the absolute menace he was.
"GUOOOH!"
(Translation: HELP ME, YOU FANCY-HAIRED BETRAYER!)
Nope. He just stared at me with a look of amusement, no help whatsoever. Typical.
I dove through a construction site. The Shinigami gave chase, but my dumb luck plus the passive aura had one of them faceplant into wet concrete. Another tripped over a traffic cone and insisted a giant invisible lizard was responsible.
The captain tried a Getsuga-like slash. I dodged by pure, idiot luck and yeeted myself headfirst into an open garganta.
Back to Hueco Mundo.
I landed in the sand, panting, watermelon under one arm, underpants still on my head like a war trophy.
Aizen trotted over casually, still panting happily.
"GUOOOH!"
(Translation: BEST NIGHT EVER!)
Then the beautiful thing happened.
[EP Reward: 10,000]
[EP Reward: 12,000]
[EP Reward: 6,000]
Current EP: 877,500 + 10,000 + 12,000 + 6,000 = 905,500 / 100,000,000
I was getting rich.
All for being a colossal, glorious idiot.
Life was perfect.