"Sleep peacefully on a girl's lap, with your head being stroked. ...If you looked at that on its own, it was already an exquisite event."
Scratching his head, Subaru muttered with an embarrassed look on his face.
Her eyes were lowered, and she repeatedly stifled a sigh. Her ears were red, and she was scratching her head faster and faster.
"He falls asleep in front of the girl he likes, whining and whining, his face covered in tears and snot. And then he sits on her lap for hours like that... what kind of humiliating play is that?"
He remembered the feeling of Emilia's knee, and the terrible state it had been in after several hours of deep sleep.
The condition was awful, with tears, drool, snot, and so on; it was something that couldn't be ignored, both from a hygienic standpoint and purely from the perspective of Subaru's boyhood index.
Despite this, she made no attempt to wake him up of her own accord, nor did she blame him when he woke up and apologized profusely after having his clothes soiled like that.
"It's fine if you can get some rest. Besides, Subaru doesn't understand."
"fart?"
"Rather than being told "I'm sorry" over and over again, if you just say "thank you" once in a situation like this, the other person will be satisfied. I didn't do it because I wanted them to apologize, I did it because I wanted to give them an apology."
Is there any man who wouldn't be smitten by a woman putting a finger to her lips as she apologizes, closing one eye and saying this? No, there isn't.
In truth, Subaru had fallen head over heels in love with her in the first place, so this was a huge blow.
After parting ways with Emilia, who said she was going to change her clothes, I wandered around the mansion in a dreamlike mood for a while, and when I came to my senses, I found myself in this state.
When I look back on my actions today, I want to cry at how embarrassing it was. But after all that crying, it's too late to shed tears now.
"No, I'm really no good. I don't want to show my weak side to Emilia-tan, I've shown her my most shameful side. I don't think you're willing to face me like this anymore."
"...I guess that's what they say when they sneak into people's rooms late at night. If you think everything is peaceful because you haven't seen them for a day, it's actually an unwanted disaster."
Beatrice cursed as she glanced at Subaru, who was sitting on the middle step of a ladder and writhing around the entrance.
Wandering around the mansion, feeling that he could never meet those around him sober, Subaru headed towards this forbidden room, out of reach of anyone.
However, that's not the only reason I came here.
"Don't say that, Bearko. You and I are friends after all."
"What kind of relationship do you have with Betty…wait a moment. But before that, what did I call Betty just now?"
Beatrice asked, raising one eyebrow and twitching her cheek. Subaru clapped his hand at her attitude,
"Ah, Bear-ko. Nicknames are necessary for people you feel a certain level of intimacy with. Up until now, out of all the people at the mansion, you were the only one I never felt that way about..."
I think back to the last time, when I was completely immersed in despair.
Even if it wasn't the case that she was being manipulated by him, who was a smooth talker, there was certainly a contract that had been made between the two of them.
Beatrice had dutifully adhered to that rule, and even went so far as to purposely obscure the contents of the contract in order to help Subaru.
Even if she had forgotten, there was no way I could forget the feeling of relief I felt at that moment.
that's why,
「No matter what you think of me, I will call you Bearko. That is the proof of my deepest love for you――」
"I'm not happy about this at all! It's like your kindness is being pushy! It's more than just disgusting, it's disgusting!"
"What's with that, you say that?! I'm sincerely trying to express my gratitude to you, this is not the time to make fun of me!"
"If you can look back at what you just said and say you weren't kidding, then what's happening between you and Betty isn't a conversation, it's something else that feels like a conversation!"
Subaru thought he was trying to have a conversation, but was told it was the wrong sport and he was playing kabaddi, leaving him speechless.
It was Subaru's way of expressing his affection, but unfortunately it didn't seem to resonate very well with her.
"Well, that aside, I'll still call you Bear-ko."
"That's unnecessary single-mindedness. And Betty would never respond to being called by that name. And so we agree with each other."
"Don't be so mean, Bearko."
"..."
Subaru called out to her, but Beatrice didn't respond, just staring down at the book in silence. It seemed like she was planning to put into practice what she had said earlier.
Subaru walked up to the stubborn girl and circled around the ladder,
"Bear baby, bear baby, bear baby, bear baby, bear baby, bear baby, bear baby, bear baby..."
"--He's an incredibly annoying guy! I wonder what it is about him!"
Calling out his name over and over as if they were playing kabaddi, Beatrice's emotions reached a boiling point as she continued to whisper in his ear, and Subaru pumped his fist in excitement, knowing that he had achieved his goal.
Then he turned to look at her again, his mouth twisting as he saw the girl still hunching her shoulders in anger.
"I'm in a desperate situation and have no choice. To be honest, I need your help."
--After crying pathetically and becoming embarrassingly upset, he finally came to the conclusion he had come to and told the girl with the curls.
※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※※ ※
Having poured out his innermost feelings on Emilia's lap, and having flushed out all the filthy feelings he had been bottling up and the tears he couldn't hold back, all that remained inside of him was his own pure greed.
I love Emilia. I love life in the mansion where I can spend time with her. I love the environment where I can learn many things. I love Ram, who is cold but always takes care of me. I really love Emilia. I love Rem, who teaches me in polite language while subtly insulting me. Emilia-tan is a true goddess. I am indebted to Roswaal, who provided me with this paradise-like environment. I am also indebted to Beatrice, a debt that I can never fully repay. I have fond feelings for the people who live in this mansion that I cannot throw away. I cannot throw away the happiness of being here.
My emotions were overflowing so much that it felt like my chest was about to burst.
The indelible memories of happiness are the source of energy that drives Subaru.
However, while thinking about thatーー,
I love Emilia. I feel useless because I don't have enough power to protect her. Life in the mansion is always tense. You never know when they'll abandon you. Ram, who cut off his leg with a wind blade and pierced his neck, is terrifying. Rem, who even treated his wounds and continued to torture him, then crushed his skull with an iron ball, is horrifying. Roswaal's unfathomable madness, who has those two and probably even given the order to eliminate Subaru without the slightest mercy, is disgusting. Every time he wakes up, he has to check whether he's still alive, and wonder if despair is creeping up on him, and it's painful and sad.
This was also Subaru's true feelings that would never disappear.
The conflicting emotions could not tolerate each other's existence, and Subaru spent his time struggling to survive while harboring them both on the surface and inside.
It felt like walking barefoot on thin ice, laughing without even letting out a snort, even as the skin on the soles of my feet peeled off.
Emilia did not overlook Subaru's anguish, his miserable agony as he resisted despair, and picked him up.
It may have been Puck who noticed. That spirit could read minds, and would have easily seen through the poorly made mask Subaru was wearing.
But even so, it was Emilia who comforted Subaru's heart, his heart that was on the verge of breaking.
I don't care if this is an addiction.
There was not a single doubt that the driving force behind Subaru's heart right now was his feelings for her.
Yes, in other words――,
"Emilia-tan Magical Archangel"
"Did I just say something incredibly stupid?"
"Not at all. I was just reaffirming what is most important to me."
I can answer with confidence and pride.
And with her previous words being completely affirmed, Beatrice sighed, unable to even show signs of exasperation,
"Let's get back on topic… So, about when you said you wanted Betty's help, I guess?"
"Yeah, I really feel like I'm praying to God. I can't think of anyone I can rely on."
Currently, the person in this mansion whom Subaru can place his complete trust in is, of course, Emilia, but at the same time, her existence is also the most important factor for Subaru.
In the end, Subaru didn't want her to be in any danger. To Subaru, whose own life took priority over everything else, she was someone he could honestly weigh against his life.
Therefore, in this loop, with the confrontation with the sorcerer in mind, I do not want to ask for her help until the very end.
If that were to happen, it would naturally become difficult to enlist the help of Puck, who was by her side, and the only option left was――
"After all, she's actually a very sweet, easy-going Bear girl."
"Even if you don't understand the content, you can sense the insulting vibe."
"I have no intention of doing that at all. …The truth is, at the moment, you're the only person I can rely on in this mansion."
He couldn't confide in Ram or Rem, and he couldn't even confide in Roswaal. If there was anyone in this mansion other than Emilia that Subaru could rely on, it was none other than her.
"Please. Just like this, please."
So Subaru knelt on the floor in front of her, bowed his head and begged.
She wanted him to cooperate with her. She wanted him to be the light that would light Subaru's path to put an end to the repeated cycle of despair.
"I need your help. All things considered, I want to protect the place where I can be happy."
"――――"
With their heads bowed, a moment of silence passed between the two of them.
While he waited for a reply, Subaru's heart beat wildly in anxiety. However, as the silence dragged on, the sound gradually faded away, and Subaru glanced up suspiciously. And then,
"...Beatrice?"
Without thinking, I forgot about our previous conversation and called her by her name.
The expression on Beatrice's face as she gazed upon Subaru was so filled with sadness that it was easy to believe that.
Beatrice frowned slightly, biting her lip, as she glared at Subaru. Although she was glaring, it looked to Subaru as if she was about to burst into tears at any moment.
He holds his breath and waits in silence for her next reaction.
Beatrice remained like this, allowing the waves of emotion inside her to calm down, then, with her eyes closed, she quietly said,
"...Betty has no reason to accede to your demands."
He weakly replied, ``Yes.''
"Bearko... I am..."
"Shut up, human. Betty won't be nice to you forever. If you get too cocky, I won't forgive you."
Beatrice interrupts Subaru, talking quickly and ramblingly.
Taken aback by her hyper-sensitive reaction, Subaru is shocked and confused as to what it was about his previous remark that struck such a chord with her.
This likely only made her already uncooperative even more stubborn, thus making the situation worse.
I thought I was being sincere, but it backfired.
It was a result he could never fully regret, but Subaru did not have the delicate mental makeup to dwell on it at this point.
Doing something that backfires is something he's become accustomed to in this situation. Is there a time in this world that he can remember ever getting a good result from throwing the dice?
Thinking like that would crush his weak, smoldering heart. In fact, he was so weak that he would be stopped in his tracks by something like that, and he had washed it all away in snot and drool on Emilia's lap.
I decided not to shed tears. A man who cries in a place like that, not only in front of the girl he likes, but on her lap, is the worst kind of man.
He has a sense of purpose, he's a boy after all.
Subaru: "Listen to me, Beatrice. I understand why you want to distance yourself from me. From your perspective, I'm nothing more than an incomprehensible, rude bastard who was brought here only a day ago."
"If you understand that much, you should be able to understand Betty's answer too."
"You were the one who closed up the wound in my stomach, I'm grateful to you. You probably don't know this, but there are so many things for which I need to be incredibly grateful to you, and on top of that, I still need to rely on you. It's a pathetic story. It's so hopeless and miserable. But you're the only one I have."
In rapid succession, he spat out all the words that came to his mind.
Subaru knew that it was a selfish request that showed no consideration for her feelings, that he was forcing his case on her, but he still bowed his head.
Looking down at Subaru's incomprehensible words and his bowed head, Beatrice snorted softly as usual,
"You lament your lack of strength, and then you crawl on the ground in a shameful manner, pleading with me. Do you have no pride whatsoever?"
"I could clearly see what was important. I'd do it if I could smash ten or a hundred of your heads into the ground and it would be enough."
I don't have the petty pride to obsess over my own smallness.
With his head bowed, Subaru remained in his pleading position.
He knew it was a cowardly tactic. In the five worlds Subaru had repeated, he had met Beatrice many times and each time they had argued.
He knows this because he has been involved in such a relationship with her. Even though the girl named Beatrice may appear to be distant on the surface――
"Lift your face."
A calm, somewhat resigned voice reached his ears, and Subaru thought his humble plea had been heard.
He is once again aware of his own smallness, and even feels disgusted by his insincere behavior towards her, which he pretended to be sincere. However, it is also true that this was a necessary process. He has to accept it.
Above all, you must decide to use all the means available to you to achieve the future you desire.
"Bear..."
"I wonder if I should take it."
"Bwah."
However, suddenly, something hard approached and slammed into the face that had solidified that tragic resolve.
While still kneeling, his head tilted back, causing an indescribable sound to reverberate throughout the Forbidden Archives, and a voiceless scream echoed throughout the woods.
Subaru writhes around in a back-arching position.
Unable to comprehend the damage that had hit his cervical vertebrae, his gaze wandered as he writhed in agony, until his gaze met that of Beatrice, who had her arms crossed and one leg raised.
Understood. The girl aimed a merciless Yakuza kick at Subaru's face as he knelt on the ground.
"Hey...this...!"
"I don't understand how you can think that the rolling of a hundred of your heads is worth Betty's effort. No matter how many copper coins you collect, they will never amount to a single holy gold coin. Do you know that?"
"Well, even if you collect thousands of copper coins, they will equal the holy gold coins. If you are comparing them in terms of value, that's how it goes. Are you okay with the calculations?"
"Will you stop looking at that poor child?! That's not the way you'd expect from someone who was trying to rely on Betty just a moment ago, you know!?"
A loud and yelling battle of words begins between Beatrice and Subaru.
In a world that has been repeated countless times, the battle never begins for the same reason.
As he continued to argue with her, something he was used to doing, the tragic resolve that Subaru had before began to seem foolish.
After such an exchange, the conclusion of the verbal battle was ultimately...
"Okay, I'll play my trump card. If you cooperate with me, I'll endure a few of your mana drains."
"Your mana isn't worth as much as you say, you know? It's certainly more than normal mana... well, maybe it just tasted better, or maybe it was just a better match."
"My mana has a history of absorbing Puck's mana. In other words, it's an indirect mana drain. Do you understand what I mean?"
Beatrice's face changed color, while Subaru was basking in the feeling of superiority that he had gained the upper hand in the negotiations. Beatrice nodded in frustration, biting her lip.
Looking back, Subaru thought that it was a rather foolish conclusion.
Of course, by letting things go in that direction, they were forced to secure Subaru's cooperation.
--Though I knew that the little wizard had arranged it that way