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After a solid half-hour of wrangling through David's paperwork and listening to his endless list of deceased "guardians," Nakamura finally had enough. He rubbed his temples like he was massaging a migraine straight out of his skull. "Alright, kid," he sighed, "I found someone to contact. Your homeroom teacher—Melissa."
David's face froze. "Wait... Melissa? Like, my homeroom teacher Melissa?"
Nakamura nodded, clearly pleased with himself. "Yep. I called her up and told her to come down to the Pacific Search Bureau. Shouldn't be long now."
David's brain practically short-circuited. Teacher Melissa?! The same Melissa who assigned him three detentions last week for "being a constant menace to society" after he let a bunch of Pidgey loose during class?"
"Oh no... oh no no no," David muttered, pacing back and forth like a Meowth that lost its coin. "Out of all the people... you picked her?!"
Nakamura crossed his arms, completely unfazed by David's meltdown. "She's your teacher, right? It's her responsibility. Great power comes with great... uh... what's the word? Responsibility. Yeah, that." He nodded to himself, proud of his philosophical moment.
David's eyes widened in horror. "Wait, wait, wait... You're gonna tell her... everything?"
"Of course. She's your guardian for now," Nakamura replied, shrugging casually. "It's her job to know."
David felt his knees go weak. If Melissa found out he was caught in a brothel of all places—using that 300,000 bank card she gave him for "emergencies only," he'd be toast. Not just regular toast, but like, crispy, burnt-to-a-crisp toast with no butter.
His mind raced with possibilities. Maybe he could fake his own disappearance? Tell her he was abducted by wild Machamp? Claim amnesia? No... Melissa would see through that in five seconds flat.
"Hey, you good there?" Nakamura asked, raising an eyebrow, but he couldn't help but feel happy seeing David in distress.
David snapped back to reality, eyes still wild with panic. "Uh, y-yeah! I'm... I'm fantastic! Just, you know... enjoying the crushing weight of impending doom," he replied, voice dripping with sarcasm.
Nakamura chuckled. "Relax, kid. What's the worst that could happen?"
David stared at him, deadpan. "The worst? The worst is Melissa finds out I was caught in a sketchy joint with a Shiny Ralts and using her money to do it. You know what she's gonna do to me? I might not even graduate! I'll be that guy... the guy who failed high school because he got caught in a Pokémon brothel scandal. I'll be a legend! A really sad, broke legend."
Nakamura laughed harder. "Hey, you did the right thing, didn't you? You saved Ralts. Teacher Melissa will probably just give you a slap on the wrist. Or... maybe, like... six months of detention."
David groaned, slumping back into the chair, hands over his face. His system pinged in his mind:
[Obtained Negative Emotion Points +20 from David…]
[Obtained Negative Emotion Points +30 from David…]
[Obtained Negative Emotion Points +40 from David…]
If eyes could shoot Hyper Beams, Nakamura would have been vaporized on the spot. The man was smiling too much for David's liking—like he just dropped a Wailord on top of his future and called it a "light drizzle."
David looked up, eyes glinting with desperation. "Is there... is there any way we can, like... not tell her?"
Nakamura snorted. "Not a chance, kid. Besides, I already called her. She's probably on her way right now."
David slumped even further into the chair, like gravity was just extra mean to him today. I'm doomed, he thought. Absolutely, 100% doomed.
And all he could think about was Melissa's face when she found out. The disbelief. The disappointment. The detentions.
The universe, David decided, had it out for him. And it was winning.
David knew his fate was practically dangling on a string in Nakamura's hands. His mind raced through every possible escape plan, but he settled on the oldest trick in the book: shameless flattery.
"Investigator Uncle! Come on now," David started, slapping on the most ridiculous grin he'd ever managed. It was so fake that even Pikachu looked embarrassed. "I mean, with my heroic personality—always doing good deeds without seeking recognition—surely you don't need to drag my teacher down here, right? I mean, think about it! I just did a huge favor for the Alliance!"
David's eyes darted to the sad bunch of middle-aged men squatting in the corner, heads down like they were being scolded by their moms. He made sure Nakamura noticed the glance, throwing in a little eyebrow wiggle for good measure.
Nakamura just chuckled, leaning back in his chair. "Oh, I see what you're trying to do. You like putting on a show, huh? Maybe you just wanna flaunt your heroic deeds in front of your teacher, is that it?"
David's smile wavered, but he pressed on. "Heroism? Me? I was just fighting crime! I mean, I've never been able to watch Pokémon get bullied since I was a kid! It's practically in my DNA." He placed a hand dramatically over his heart. "When I saw that injustice, I couldn't just stand by! I had to swoop in and save the day!"
Nakamura raised an eyebrow, unimpressed.
"And look," David continued, patting his pockets. "I've got, like, 30 coins to my name. Do I look like someone who can afford... you know, that kind of establishment? I mean, I could barely afford a Potion, let alone... uh... anything else."
Pikachu, still perched on David's shoulder, facepalmed so hard he nearly lost his balance. His tiny paw dragged down his face slowly, eyes filled with the kind of disbelief usually reserved for watching Magikarp try to use Tackle.
Nakamura rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "So... you're saying you don't run your mouth with nonsense anymore?"
David straightened up like a soldier at roll call. "Never! If you say go east, I'll never go west! If you say battle with a Pidgey, I won't bring a Spearow! You say jump, I'm leaping off a cliff! I swear, I'm a new man!"
He clasped his hands together above his head like he was praying, nodding furiously.
Nakamura rolled his eyes, waving him off. "Recover. . What happened to your unruly look from before! This whole... groveling thing doesn't suit you."
Within ten minutes, Melissa arrived by car. She clearly hadn't had time to put on any makeup in her rush, but she still looked radiant. Her hair was a little disheveled, and she wore the plain flat shoes she usually shuffled around in at home. Her face was full of anxiety as she spotted David sitting comfortably in the office.
Without a word, she marched right over and grabbed David's ear with the precision of someone who had done this many times before. "You little brat! Are you trying to get yourself killed?! Didn't I give you three hundred thousand to buy a Pokémon? THREE HUNDRED THOUSAND! So why are you still out there catching them in the wild like some lunatic?!"
Melissa didn't even wait to hear what had happened before launching into her lecture. In her mind, it was simple—if David was out there catching Pokémon in the wild, it meant he was ignoring her very generous three hundred thousand. That money was her savings, set aside just for him to buy a proper Pokémon safely. The phone call from Nakamura had sent her into a panic, imagining David wrestling with wild Pokémon in some muddy field, so she rushed straight over without even bothering to change her clothes.
David squirmed under her iron grip, flailing dramatically. "Ow, ow! Melissa, I didn't go out to catch a Pokémon in the wild! I swear!"
Melissa narrowed her eyes but didn't let go. "Oh really? Then where did you catch it? On the roof of a shopping mall?"
David winced, trying to pry her fingers off his ear. "No! I caught it in the city, not the wild! It's not even close to the same thing!"
Off to the side, Nakamura had been watching the whole spectacle, and his eyes widened when he heard Melissa's words. "Hold on…three hundred thousand?" He turned to David, eyebrows practically leaping off his forehead. "Didn't you just say you didn't even have three hundred Alliance coins?"
David scratched his head awkwardly, still rubbing his sore ear. "Uhh... well… you still wanna kill me?"
Nakamura blinked, momentarily stunned into silence. Eventually, he just shook his head, muttering something under his breath. He turned to Melissa and carefully explained the entire situation—how David had somehow spun his way through the chaos, complete with all of David's wild exaggerations and "artistic flair," as David liked to call it.
Melissa listened with crossed arms, her expression somewhere between disbelief and anger.
Hearing the full story ignited the fiery wrath of Melissa. "You...you took the money I gave you and went shopping in brothels?!" Her voice pitched up an octave, and David was pretty sure if she were wearing anything other than her casual home clothes, the buttons would've launched across the room like missiles.
Her eyes locked onto him with the intensity of a Heat Wave attack. David swallowed hard. He could almost feel his HP bar shrinking. "I—I can explain!" he squeaked, hands raised like he was trying to defuse a bomb.
Melissa crossed her arms, tapping her foot impatiently. "Oh, this I gotta hear."
David straightened up, clearing his throat. He launched into his explanation, carefully omitting any details about mysterious systems or certain "young ladies" he may or may not have encountered. He recounted his wild day, including the spectacular negotiation that saw a 250,000 Alliance coin price slashed down to just 17,000. He even mentioned how he almost walked out of the breeding house with a "zero-coin purchase," as he dramatically put it.
Melissa and Nakamura stared at him as if he'd just announced he'd caught Mewtwo with a shoebox and a paper clip. Nakamura blinked twice. "Wait…so you...you bargained 250,000 down to 17,000? You almost got it for free?"
David scratched his head sheepishly. "I mean...I'm pretty good with numbers."
Melissa rubbed her temples, half in disbelief and half in reluctant admiration. "Only you…only you could turn a financial disaster into a robbery…where you're the one robbing them legally."
David beamed. "I call it strategic negotiation."
Melissa's gaze softened just slightly—very slightly. "Well…as ridiculous as it sounds, it's…impressive. Reckless, but impressive."
Nakamura, still looking a bit stunned, finally spoke up. "Right, well...about those, uh...other details..." He shot David a look that said You owe me big time. In a masterclass of selective storytelling, Nakamura glossed over any mention of David's 'extracurricular activities' during his little adventure. Instead, he praised David's "sharp negotiating skills," making it sound like the whole ordeal was a business seminar instead of, well...whatever it actually was.
Melissa raised an eyebrow but didn't press further. "Fine," she huffed. "Let's just get the paperwork done so you can officially adopt that Ralts. And you…" She jabbed her finger at David's chest. "You better not pull a stunt like this again. Next time, I'm sending you out there with a leash and a helmet."
David grinned sheepishly. "I'll keep that in mind."
After a bit of back-and-forth and some paperwork, Melissa and David finally left, Ralts officially his. As they stepped out, David stretched his arms and sighed. "See? Easy. No problem at all."
Melissa shot him a glare. "You're lucky I didn't wring your neck back there."
During the entire process of completing the adoption paperwork, Melissa didn't say a single word to David. Not one. She moved through the forms with the icy efficiency of a robot, her expression so dark that David half-expected thunderclouds to form above her head.
He wisely chose not to say anything, occasionally glancing at Nakamura, who gave him a look that said You're on your own, buddy.
When the paperwork was finally done and they made it back to the car, Melissa slammed the door shut with enough force to make David flinch. The silence hung heavy for a moment before she erupted like a volcano that had been brewing since the Stone Age.
"I gave you that money to buy a nice, safe, well-bred Pokémon!" she shouted, her fists clenched. "And you—you go shopping instead?! Are you out of your mind?!"
David barely had time to blink before Melissa's hand shot out and latched onto his ear, yanking it like she was trying to start a lawnmower. "Ow, ow! Melissa, it wasn't like that! I wasn't shopping! I was…uh…fighting crime!" he yelped, his hands flapping uselessly as if trying to swat away a Beedrill.
"Oh, fighting crime, were you?!" Melissa's voice was dripping with sarcasm as she twisted his ear even harder. "What are you, some sort of vigilante now? Saving the world one brothel at a time?"
David winced but didn't struggle. He actually let her lash out, mostly because he did feel kind of bad. Melissa had rushed all the way down here, probably thinking he was half-dead somewhere, only to find him tangled up in a mess of police paperwork and brothel rumors. Letting her yank his ear felt like the least he could do to make up for it.
Melissa finally let go, breathing heavily. "I swear, if I hear one more story about you pulling this kind of nonsense, I'm going to—" She stopped herself, clearly too furious to find the right words.
David rubbed his ear, grinning sheepishly. "I mean…I did save a Ralts…?"
Melissa paused, her glare softening just a bit. Despite her explosion earlier, she knew David well enough to realize he wasn't the type to actually get mixed up in something shady.
Annoying? Absolutely. Reckless? Without question. But morally corrupt? No chance. As much as she wanted to stay furious, she knew he had done it for a good reason.
Her anger simmered, replaced by something more like concern. "David," she said gently, her voice much softer now. "I gave you that money so you wouldn't have to risk your life catching Pokémon in the wild. So you wouldn't have to go out there and nearly get yourself killed."
David stopped rubbing his ear and looked at her, surprised by the sudden change in tone.
Melissa sighed, shaking her head. "You don't get it. That guy you crossed was a professional trainer. If that Ralts hadn't teleported you out of there, I might have been identifying your body right now."
The car went silent. David swallowed, his usual grin fading just a bit. "I know," he said quietly. "I'm sorry."
Melissa's expression softened, and she reached over to ruffle his hair—just hard enough to mess it up. "You're an idiot, you know that?"
David cracked a smile. "I know."
Melissa started the car, the tension finally breaking as she rolled her eyes. "I swear, one of these days, you're going to give me a heart attack. And I'm billing you for the hospital fees when it happens."
David laughed. "Put it on my tab."