Water runs down my face as I lean against the cold shower wall, arms heavy, head heavier.
"Sigh… What a day. And now this—that—night."
I rub my hands over my face, groaning.
"What the hell is he watching while I'm busting my butt at work?" I mutter, kicking at the water pooling near my feet.
"And what is wrong with the censor board?! Who approved that kind of—uh—spicy scene for public TV? Kids watch this stuff too, you know! Kids!"
I slap the water once. Pointlessly. It splashes back like, "Cry harder, woman."
I squeeze my eyes shut. But bad idea. Because of course my dumb brain decides right now is the perfect time to replay that stupid dream from this morning—in 4K. With surround sound. And slow motion.
"No, no, no—go away!" I slap both cheeks with wet hands. "No freaky thoughts allowed!"
Even the water can't wash that blush off my face.
Sigh… I dry myself with the towel, dragging it across my arms, my back, my dripping hair.
And then—ugh. I freeze.
"Wait. Wait. I didn't bring my clothes…? Seriously?!" I groan, smacking my forehead with my palm.
Just great. Just peachy. Well, no time to cry about it.
I wrap the towel tight around my chest and rush out of the bathroom, bare feet slapping against the floor. The second I step into my bedroom, I slam the door shut behind me.
"Success!" I whisper, a little too proud for someone half-naked.
I let out a breath and let the towel drop to the floor, turning to face my wardrobe—
"Huh?"
My brain stutters.
"Huh?!"
My heart drops.
"HUHHH???"
My cheeks explode red.
I drop to the floor in full panic, hugging my knees to my chest, arms wrapped tightly around my body to cover whatever dignity I have left.
"Wh… what are you doing here?!" I squeak.
Jiang just stands there. Still. Eyes wide. His gaze glued—glued—to my bare skin like he's staring at a forbidden painting in a museum.
His antenna glows softly. Like a lightbulb stuck on "oh no I like this."
I cover my face with both hands, wanting to scream.
"I'm going to murder you," I whisper into my palms.
"Please don't do that!" he says, antenna blinking faster. "I don't want to lose my life on someone else's planet!"
I groan into my hands. "Ughhh, what the hell—just turn your face the other way, idiot!!"
He tilts his head. "Huh? Why? Is there anything behind me?"
"NO! There is a pretty naked woman in front of you, that's what!! So just turn away!!"
His eyes widen. "I know. I did compliment you like TV boyfriend does to his girlfriend."
I swear I black out for a second.
My whole face burns. My legs squeeze tighter around my chest. "Ughhh—just freaking look the other way before I rip out your eyes and your stupid antenna!"
He finally, finally turns around—but not before sneaking one last glance over his shoulder.
I grab the nearest pillow and chuck it at his head. "PERVERT!"
He turns back at me, all innocent and excited. "Are we gonna play TV girlfriend-boyfriend? This soft fluffy pillow thingy fight?"
"NO!" I yell and chuck another pillow straight at his face. "Just freaking look over there, you perv!!"
The pillow hits him square on the antenna. He blinks, stunned. His antenna flops sideways like a confused spaghetti noodle.
I scramble up, grab my towel off the floor, and wrap it tightly around myself like my life depends on it. My heart's thudding like crazy, and my cheeks are on fire.
"Don't turn around until I say so!" I warn him, pointing a finger like a weapon.
He raises both hands in surrender. "Okay okay! TV boyfriend gets yelled at too, I remember now!"
I walk over to my wardrobe, my hands shaking a little as I grab my shorts and quickly pull them on, then tug a t-shirt over my head. Sigh... Finally, some peace.
"Can I turn now?" he asks, voice full of that annoying innocence.
"Yeah!" I snap, glaring at him.
He turns around and stares at me, eyes wide, antenna wiggling like he's trying to make sense of what he's seeing.
"What... What are you staring at, idiot?!" I yell, my face burning. "You saw it, right?!"
I immediately cover my chest with both hands, desperate to block him from seeing anything more. My heart's still racing, but it's from embarrassment now, not anger.
"Saw what?" he blinks, all clueless.
"Ugh! You saw me naked! You saw my boo—uhm, you saw me, right?!"
"Yeah, I did. It was quite a sight. It made me lose my mind there for a second!"
"H-HUH?!" I step back, face exploding red as I hug myself tighter. "What did you just say?! What do you mean by that?!"
Jiang tilts his head, antenna glowing once, then dimming like it's processing emotions too.
"This is what TV boyfriends say to their girlfriends when they see them naked. And the girl says the same thing you said."
"Ughhh what the hell are drama writers even thinking?! Writing stupid scenes like that!" I groan, smacking my forehead.
"We're doing it good! I'm learning fast!" he says, practically bouncing in place, antenna glowing bright like a happy puppy.
Oh god. I don't know if I should throw a blanket over him or just throw myself off the balcony.
"Listen, Jiang—" I point a firm finger at his face, still clutched to my chest. "You're not supposed to see me without clothes. Ever. And definitely never get into a woman's bedroom without permission, got it?"
He nods so seriously it's almost insulting. "Understood. Next time, I will come with permission… and ask permission to see you clothless."
"Ughhh—NO! No one is seeing me naked! No one! Not even with permission!!"
He blinks. "So… never?"
"YES! NEVER!!" I shout, steam practically blowing from my ears.
I pause, still hugging myself. "Seriously, what were you even doing in my bedroom? Weren't you watching your drama?"
"But you turned off the TV," he says, lower lip jutting like he's pouting. "So I just walked in the bedroom and pretended to be mad like TV girlfriend."
I stare at him, stunned.
He folds his arms and dramatically turns his back to me like a sulking soap opera diva. "You came home late… didn't greet me… didn't even give me a kiss like the show said…"
Oh dear god, he's committed to the bit.
"Jiang," I say as sweetly as I can while keeping my soul from leaving my body, "my lovely, absolutely insane boyfriend... listen to me. Not everything they show in TV dramas needs to be done in real life, okay?"
He tilts his head, blinking. "Why? Didn't you say we're going to pretend girlfriend-boyfriend?"
"Yes! Yes, I did! And you're doing very, very, very good," I say, patting his arm like I'm trying to calm a ticking time bomb. "But, you know... I'm tired. I've been working all day. I don't have as much energy as you. Please try to understand?"
He frowns thoughtfully, then suddenly lights up. "Ohh, so you're playing the boyfriend role and I'm the girlfriend? Understood! I'm the girlfriend."
Wait, what?
Before I can say anything, his illusion hoodie melts away into shimmering particles, revealing his actual alien body—well, still in human form but now half-naked. Masculine chest, defined torso, abs, all just—out there. Glowing skin, antenna gently pulsing like it's mocking me.
And of course, his stupid glowing chest looks like a damn romance novel cover. Why is this happening to me?
My mouth opens. Closes. Then opens again. "Wh... WHAT are you doing, Jiang?!"
He smiles with that damn sparkle in his eye. "That's what drama girlfriends do when their boyfriend comes home tired and says—" He spreads his arms wide and says in the most dramatic tone possible, "'Come here. Take out your all-day stress on me.'"
I scream into my soul.