"No thanks," Kaia said. "I think I just corrupted my spine."
And with that, she fell flat onto the grass with the melodrama of a court jester after being sentenced to forty years of squats. Her arms were splayed, her sword forgotten beside her, and her coat smoked faintly from contact with one of Mirajane's friendlier demon constructs. One of her boots made a wheezing sound, as if even it had given up.
From above, Erza Scarlet looked down at her pupil with a gaze somewhere between admiration and concerned disappointment. She crossed her arms.
"You did well," she said.
Kaia groaned into the earth. "If well means 'died six times in a row and then insulted a magical wolf.'"
"I said you did well," Erza repeated, voice sharp. "Don't make me change my mind."
"Would that… involve more swords?"
"Yes."
"Okay. I did excellent."
Mirajane—now reverted to her normal form, immaculate as ever leaned over Kaia with a teasing smile. "Oh my, poor thing. I'd offer to carry you, but I might accidentally drop you in a shadow pit."
Kaia flinched. "Tempting, but pass."
"Well then," Mirajane said, brushing imaginary dust from her skirt. "I suppose it's up to you, Erza."
Kaia blinked. "Wait. Wait what now—?"
She barely had time to object before Erza bent down with no warning and hoisted her up like a sack of bruised potatoes. Her arms looped under Kaia's back and knees in a bridal carry so practiced it was actually terrifying. Kaia yelped.
"THIS ISN'T NECESSARY!"
"You can't walk."
"I can crawl."
"Not on my watch."
Kaia wriggled. "What if people see?"
"They'll survive."
"I won't."
Erza adjusted her grip, completely unfazed. "You're light. You need to eat more."
"I'll file that under 'insults disguised as concern.'"
With casual strength that reminded everyone why Erza was considered a prodigy even at fifteen, she began walking Kaia held firmly in her arms back toward Fairy Hills, utterly indifferent to the stares of the guild members still lingering at the training field.
Someone wolf-whistled.
Cana raised her mug and shouted, "Heyyy, Erza, didn't know you were into carrying princesses home!"
Erza didn't even flinch. "She's incapable of movement."
Natsu, sitting on a tree stump, yelled, "She looks dead!"
"I feel dead," Kaia muttered.
"Mirajane almost broke her," Gray added helpfully. "This is why you need to be careful around sparkly demon ladies."
Mirajane waved at them with both hands and sparkles. "Bye, Kaia~! Sleep well! Don't let your organs collapse!"
Kaia covered her face with her arm. "I hate everything."
The walk to Fairy Hills was long and filled with exactly the kind of silence that Kaia found excruciating mostly because it was filled with Erza silence, which wasn't so much an absence of noise as it was a contemplative sword sharpening that happened without metal.
Kaia eventually peeked out from behind her elbow.
"You really don't have to carry me."
"You can't walk."
"You're going to make me used to this," Kaia muttered. "Then I'll expect to be carried everywhere."
"I'll throw you next time."
"Fair."
They passed under the warm light of Magnolia's hanging lanterns. A soft breeze tousled Kaia's hair, and for a moment, things were strangely peaceful. People they passed smiled. No one commented on the absurdity of the scene possibly because it was still less dramatic than the daily activities of Fairy Tail.
Eventually, Erza climbed the steps to Fairy Hills, kicking open the front door with the heel of her armored boot.
Kaia winced. "Doors really suffer around you."
"They fail me," Erza said simply, and entered.
Inside, the halls were quiet. The dormitory smelled faintly of tea, old wood Erza carried her up the stairs, all calm efficiency, until they reached Kaia's room.
Erza nudged open the door with her foot and gently placed Kaia down onto the bed.
Kaia groaned and stretched like a half-cooked starfish.
"Your armor is really uncomfortable," she muttered, eyes closed.
Erza blinked. "I'm not wearing it anymore."
Kaia opened one eye. "Oh. That explains why I didn't feel stabbed by shoulder plates."
She collapsed backward dramatically.
"I can't feel my legs."
"Rest."
"I can't feel my soul either."
"That's concerning."
"And my ribcage is humming a lullaby."
"I'll bring you food."
Kaia sat up weakly. "Wait, you're cooking?"
Erza paused. Her hand rested on the doorframe. She turned her head, just enough for Kaia to see the faint glint in her eye.
"I'm not bad at cooking."
"You're not good either."
"I made a soup once."
"It almost achieved sentience."
"I'll bring food," Erza said, and vanished like a threat made manifest.
Kaia flopped backward again and groaned into her pillow.
Ten minutes later, the door creaked open.
"I brought nourishment," Erza announced.
Kaia peeked up to find a tray placed on her lap.
On it: a bowl of thick vegetable stew, a chunk of crusty bread, a strange but vaguely functional spoon, and a single sprig of something green on top that looked suspiciously like a plant Kaia had once seen growing from a sidewalk crack.
"…Did you poison it?" Kaia asked, inspecting the bowl.
"No," Erza said. "It's nourishing."
Kaia poked the stew. It burbled back at her.
"Erza."
"Yes?"
"It just made a noise."
"It's enthusiastic."
"…Is it chewing the spoon?"
"Eat."
Kaia sighed, stirred the suspicious contents, and took a tentative bite.
Her expression froze.
"Well?"
Kaia blinked, swallowed, and said, "It's… edible."
"High praise."
"Edible with suspicion."
She took another bite.
Erza watched like a hawk ready to critique chewing form.
After a few more spoonfuls, Kaia slumped against her pillow, surprisingly warm and full.
She looked up at Erza, who had taken a chair and was watching the window as if expecting it to attack.
"Thanks," Kaia said quietly.
Erza glanced at her. "For what?"
"For not letting me collapse on the lawn and die like a beached fish."
Erza's mouth twitched. "That would've caused paperwork."
They sat in silence a while. Outside, the wind rustled the trees. Inside, Kaia yawned.
"Did you really fight all your own battles alone at my age?" she asked, voice small.
Erza didn't answer immediately. When she did, her voice was soft.
"Yes. But that doesn't mean you have to."
Kaia stared at the ceiling. Her eyelids were heavy. Her body was finally still.
"Next training session…" she murmured.
"Yes?"
"I'm faking my death."
"Unwise. I'll requisition your grave for sparring."
"…Figures."
She drifted off, the last thing she heard being Erza's faint chuckle and the quiet scrape of the soup bowl being carried away.