The hum of the treadmill got louder as I increased the tempo. My heart raced in my chest as I ran faster. I couldn't think clearly, there so many variables that made it so complicated.
First, Tara.
She not only knew of my hot and sweaty night with Damon, but she also knew of my confusing feelings for him. I had crossed a line when I slept with Damon. I had betrayed Tony and there was no going back. The fact Tara was aware of my betrayal made her an accomplice, which meant she was in danger. I shuddered to think of what Tony would do to her.
"You'll collapse at this rate," Tina held out a bottle of water.
Then, there was Damon. I'd ignored his calls and texts for the past few days, hoping it'd make me think.
I think I'm in love with you.
His words kept replaying in my head repeatedly. I couldn't get rid of it no matter how hard I tried. It wasn't the first time a target had said they loved me, it was however, the first time it affected me so much. Damon was much more than my target, he was someone I wanted to protect, from Tony, from Alan.
From me.
"Mia," Tara called but her voice was blocked out by the loud ringing in my ears.
I knew it was the right thing to do. It was the only way to protect him, by watching him from a safe distance. My whole body yearned to be with him, being apart from him caused me so much pain than I had thought. My chest tightened, my stomach felt queasy, and his thoughts filled my head all day.
I needed a way to clear those thoughts. It was why I ran like my life depended on it. Because it did.
"Mia!"
Her voice made me jump in surprise, making me lose my footing and set me flying across the room, hitting the wall. The impact made me groan in pain. Tara rushed to me worriedly.
"Are you okay?!" her eyebrows twinged in concern.
I smiled, welcoming the pain. "I feel better."
"Here," she held out her hands and helped me up.
"Thanks."
"You're strange, you know that?" she said.
I grabbed the bottled water and took a gulp. I grunted and held my shoulder.
"You're injured," she held my arm softly. "I think it's broken."
I touched my shoulder. "No, it's just out of place."
I moved closer to her, she eyed me warily. "Be a dear and pop it back in, will you?"
"Hell no," she shook her head and grabbed her bag. "Let's go to the hospital."
"Come on, Tara. It's easy, just lock it in."
"I can't," her head shook vehemently. "What if I break it or worse-."
I ran into the wall, popping my shoulder back in its place. The sound of the bone cracking made me sigh in satisfaction.
Tara gagged. "That is horrifying."
I wiped my sweat and walked out of the room. "Stop being a baby."
"What are you doing here?" I opened the fridge and placed two beers on the counter.
"You've been ignoring my calls," she raised an eyebrow.
I opened the overhead wardrobe, searching for a can opener.
"Where did I put them?" I mumbled silently.
Tara sighed, grabbed a beer and dropped it open with her teeth. She did the same for the second beer and placed it loudly on the counter.
"Why have you been ignoring my texts?"
I sighed and grabbed the beer. "I needed some time to think."
"You haven't been ignoring Tony too, have you? He keeps asking me for an update."
I avoided her stare and took another gulp.
She stood up in shock. "Tony too?"
"I just needed some time to think," I dropped the beer.
"Yeah, so you've said," she sat back down and peered into my eyes.
"So?" she raised an eyebrow.
"So what?" I blinked.
She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. My lips twitched when I saw how hard she tried to hold it in.
"So, what will you do?" she said through gritted teeth.
"Distance."
She tilted her head in confusion.
I sighed. "I'll put some distance between us. As far as I know, the sex never happened. We'll go back to being a boss and an employee."
She nodded. "That sounds like a good plan," she paused.
"How will you convince him to take over the West?"
I shrugged. "I haven't thought about that yet."
"And what happens when Tony finds out you're avoiding Damon?"
I shook my head. "Haven't thought about that either."
Tara raised a finger. "Let me see if I understand."
She stood up. "Your plan is to avoid Damon, defying Tony without thinking of the consequences?"
My fingers drew invisible lines on counter.
"Mia!"
I stood up in frustration. "What else am I supposed to do, Tara? I have feelings for the man I'm supposed to kill," I grabbed my hair.
"I can't kill him, and I can't tell him how I truly feel," I turned to her, my gaze desperate. "Do you know how that feels?"
Her eyes softened as she stared at me. She closed the distance and pulled me in a hug.
"This wasn't part of the plan, Tara," my lips trembled. "What should I do?"
Her fingers gently patted my back. "I don't know."
We stood still in each other's arms for a few moments, and I pulled away.
"You really like him, don't you?" she asked.
I nodded. "I think so."
"Okay," she grabbed my hand and pulled me to the living room.
"First things first," she held my gaze. "You have to convince Damon to accept Alan's offer."
"What?" I stared at her incredulously.
It was the last thing I wanted to do. I knew how badly Alan damaged Damon, and how much Damon hated him. I knew what he and Lily had to sacrifice to get away from him. I couldn't tell him to accept Alan's offer, that would be sending him to his demise. Alan would own him. It would break the promise I made to Lily.
Protect him.
"Listen to me. It's the only way to get Tony off your back and buy you some time."
She had a good point. If I were to somehow miraculously convince Damon to accept Alan's offer, it'd make Tony trust me more and buy me some time. But doing that would put Damon in danger. I couldn't sacrifice him just to save my skin.
"No."
Tara was taken aback. "No?"
"Damon managed to break free from Alan all these years. I can't make him go back to the person who broke him."
"Mia," Tara cried.
"I can't."
"It's him or you, okay? And no offense, but I'd rather see hm dead than you."
I'm dead either way.