Damon's POV
Pain.
It was all I could feel. It was a different kind of pain I felt from Alan's abuse, and unlike what I felt when I realized Mom was slowly dying. But somehow, this was way worse. It gripped my very being, making it hard to breathe. I didn't think she'd easily capture my heart either, but I was taken by her from the moment I saw her.
Wrong.
She had my attention from the moment I smelt her fragrance. The way her black dress hugged every part of her body, and her smile—man, her smile—the way it lit up her face had me on my knees, even before I knew it.
It took every willpower I had to reject her advances, especially with the way she looked at me with those dreamy eyes. I had to tear my body apart from her—I didn't deserve to have fun, or to give in to my desires, especially with Mom dying slowly in the hospital.
I'd tried to erase her from my mind, but the grip she had on me was so tight, it proved futile. Still, I hoped I wouldn't see her again. What were the chances? It was a big city after all. Seeing her again at the party made me believe in fate.
There was no other explanation for it. I was once again captured by her beauty, laying to waste days of efforts trying to get rid of her from my mind. But then, she didn't remember me. Whereas she'd imprinted her face in my mind—she had no recollection of me.
Maybe I just wasn't that memorable. The irony almost made me laugh. But then, she saved me. The look on her face while she fought off the waiter never once left my mind.
Fear.
She looked scared--scared the waiter would in kill me. I had no idea why a stranger would be that terrified of me dying, but it intrigued me.
I wanted to know why.
Did she perhaps feel the same way I felt? I wasn't sure, all I knew was I wanted her by my side, no matter what. Hiring her as my bodyguard was a sign of my desperation. I would have done anything to keep her with me.
Having her near me brought out feelings I wasn't ready for. I could feel myself slowly falling for her. I knew it was dangerous, but I was willing to risk it.
Ivy Wells was a woman of secrets, I could feel that much.
The emotions in her eyes when I opened up about my past showed she knew what I was talking about—almost like she'd gone through the same thing. But she never talked about herself, or her family or her past.
Still, it didn't matter.
I was satisfied with the mere fact she was by my side. Until I stupidly confessed my feelings to her after our night together. I never forgave myself for that. I didn't regret falling in love with her, neither did I have any regrets telling how I feel. What I regretted was when I said it. It shouldn't have been after our first night together, I basically chased her away from me.
Stupid.
Still, I wanted to apologize to her and tell her I was willing to wait for her until she was ready. I'd wait years if she needed me because there was no one else but her. My head was filled with her. The way she looked when I kissed her, the way she'd bite her lip after pulling my hair. The way she'd smirk after catching me staring at her.
I'd never seen her laugh, I wondered what it sounded like. Surely, it'd be as beautiful as she was. I couldn't wait to hear it. I wanted to protect her from her secrets—whatever they were. They seemed to be doing her damage. All I wanted to do was to be there for her.
So, when I met Tony, her dad after my visit to Mom, I thought fate was giving me yet another chance to make it up to her.
I'd jumped at the opportunity to have dinner with her family. I wanted to take a glimpse of how her family looked like.
Were they a normal family like any other family?
Or were they like mine? I was curious.
It was rude of me to barge into her life, her private space like that, but I was desperate. She was not returning any of my texts and calls and I was worried.
The shock on her face after showing up on her doorsteps unannounced should have been the first sign that I was not wanted there. I should have given an excuse and get out of there, but I stayed. I stayed because I felt the tension between her and Tony. It reminded me of the dinner we had at Alan's house, and I realized she and her dad might not be on best terms, just like me and Alan. Was that why she felt so familiar to me? Cause we both had messed up relationships with our dads?
I thought I was helping. Her presence had helped me during dinner with Alan. I didn't think I could have made it out of there unscathed if it hadn't been for her. I wanted to do the same for her, let her know I was right there for her, anytime. But it felt like my presence only made it worse. That thought solidified after she threw me out.
"I don't love you."
Those words were like arrows pierced to my heart, hurting like hell. Still, I didn't care. I knew she didn't feel as strongly for me as I did for her, but I was confident I could make her fall for me. All I needed was the chance to do so. I was okay with being the only one that had feelings.
My love was more than enough for the both of us. All I wanted was her to be by my side, always.
You bore me.
Those words struck not only my heart, but also my balance, rendering me unable to stand. I couldn't breathe, the walls gained in on me and I loosened my tie.
"I bore you?"
The pain seeped through my veins, shutting down my body, slowing making its way to my heart.
"Yes."
I never a knew a word could be so painful. So gut-wrenching. Maybe I was wrong. She'd never love me. I was impossible to love. Alan had drilled that fact in my head since I was a kid. How could I forget that? My feelings, big as it was, would never make up for that.
I was unlovable.
I staggered. "I see."