".......In conclusion, self-care is not only important because it enables confidence within yourself, but it also keeps you safe and in good condition. Self-care can be actualized with many different methods, but the very first one that's necessary is a change in your mindset to a more positive one. The very first step you must take in order to truly embark on a journey of self-care is to make it your primary and number one focus. Once you do that, you can change and make use of all of the strategies to their fullest. But the most important and foremost step is to truly want to change and commit to taking care of yourself."
As soon as I finished my speech, I broke eye contact with Ms. Jackson and stared at the ground, breathing deeply. Never before had I maintained eye contact with someone for so long. I've never ever had to give a perfectly memorized speech with no stuttering while doing so either. So many firsts in a row were threatening to give me a heart attack.
After taking that short moment to compose myself, I looked back up to see if I had won over Ms. Jackson's approval. I was seriously praying that I did, because I didn't know if I could do all of this again. Ms. Jackson stared at me for a few seconds before turning her gaze to the floor in a moment of deep concentration. After a few tense seconds, she looked back up at me and gave me an evaluation. "First off, there were a few points in your speech where it could have been more in-depth. A few times during your speech, you were cycling around the same point for a few more sentences than was necessary. There were also a few moments where you did break eye contact."
With every flaw and error that she listed, my hopes fell 10 times further. My head was already down in disappointment as she gave her final verdict.
"However." That breathed life back into my body. "The speech demonstrated immense understanding of your topic. Because of that, you pass." Before I knew it, a smile had burst out onto my face, and I gripped the edge of the bed triumphantly. Next to me, Hikaru sprung up, wrapped an arm around my shoulder, and shouted out.
"Yayy!!! I knew you could do it, Raiden." She was shaking me, and I was laughing, acting as if I had just won big on the lottery or something.
And then I actually realized what had happened. I turned to Hikaru, who was still smiling with a confused expression. "Where did you come from?" She stared back at me with a blank look in her eyes and an aloof smile on her face. "Huh?" We stared at each other in silence. Ms. Jackson gave me a smile before turning to leave the room.
"You've earned yourself a break for the rest of the day. Starting tomorrow, we'll begin to implement those mindset changes and strategies that you talked about in your speech. We'll see if you're someone who can do what they preach!"
After Ms. Jackson left, I turned my head back to Hikaru. She was still smiling widely, staring at me the whole entire time.
"So. How long have you been here?" I asked.
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Apparently, Hikaru had come into my room some time during the morning. When she arrived, I had still been sleeping soundly. She was going to leave when suddenly the door opened. Apparently she had been so scared by that that she instantly masked her presence and hid under my bed. After that fact, she was going to wait it out until Ms. Jackson and I left, but she had been so motivated and proud of me for my speech that she ended up popping out early to congratulate me.
I couldn't help the slight embarrassment that began to wash over me as I realized Hikaru had listened to me give my entire speech. What did she think of it? Did she find it funny? Was I too awkward while speaking?
My mind was quickly filled with so many different scenarios that my head started to spin. All at once I had a sudden desire to know exactly what Hikaru thought of my whole speech. I wanted to know her exact thoughts, beyond the fact that she felt proud of me for being able to give that speech. I turned back to Hikaru, ready to ask her opinion, but her facial expression made me freeze.
She was just staring at my face, slack-jawed. Her eyes were wide. I stared at her in silence for a moment, wondering what she was looking at. "Is there something on my face?" I immediately became self-conscious, rushing to pat my face and check if there was something on it. However, Hikaru furiously shook her head.
"No, no, it's not that. Raiden, you're blushing!" She shouted it out suddenly, and I was lapsed into silence once more. I was blushing? At first I was a bit confused, until I remembered the fact that I don't think I had blushed very often before. It was something that Kami and Yuki both pointed out to me when I was younger. Yuki even said I'd be a much cuter kid if I blushed more. I never really missed it, because I never did it much in the first place, and the fact that my face didn't ever really get red was something I had just ended up getting used to in the end.
"R-really?" As soon as Hikaru pointed that fact out, I began to frantically look for the nearest mirror, trying to see to what extent it was. Very quickly, I could feel my face begin to heat up. All the while, Hikaru was stifling giggles as she watched my panicked frenzy.
"It can't possibly be that funny!" I said to her as I finally caught wind of my reflection in the window by my bedside. Even through the dim image of me that reflected on the glass, I could see that my face was as red as a tomato. I put a hand over my face to try and cover it, but it just seemed that with every second that passed, my face only got more and more red.
"It's not that I find it funny; I'm not making fun of you at all, I swear! It's just that you look so cute, blushing and moving frantically like that!"
As soon as she said those words, I swear I felt my life flash before my eyes. My breathing halted, and maybe even the very flow of blood in my body stopped. It felt like even time had been halted for a moment, as I just stared at Hikaru once more. My face was growing redder and redder by the second. My brain, which was on the verge of completely blanking, had one more thought.
Have I ever felt like this.....before?
Finally, I was snapped out of my trance, and I realized that if I didn't say anything now, Hikaru would have something to tease me until the end of days about. "Well, you're blushing even more than me! Wouldn't that make you 10 times cuter than me?" I fired off that desperate attempt.
And as soon as I said those words, Hikaru went through the same thing I did. Her face turned beet red in an instant, and she rushed to cover it with her hands. She began to profusely deny my statement, all while squirming and gushing and trying to hide her face away from me. Witnessing that immensely cute scene, I felt my face begin to heat up, and I turned away.
At that moment, while Hikaru was blushing and gushing next to me, a question began to wash over me. What was this feeling? It was a question that was brought about by everything that I had begun to feel in this interaction with Hikaru. In fact, I had these feelings every time I interacted with Hikaru. And with every interaction, those feelings seemed to grow stronger and stronger. It had become so strong now that there was no denying or missing its existence. Right now it was undeniable. The fact that I blushed, hard, from short interactions. The fact that right now my heart was beating so fast, I'm sure the heart monitor would go off at any minute now. And because of the fact that I was sneaking glances at her every now and then while she blushed and squirmed in the seat next to my bed.
It was undeniable that I harbored an affection for Hikaru Hina. Even just thinking about it made me blush even more, and I felt my embarrassment rise even more. But at the same time that my heart swelled at that thought and those possibilities, there was a small voice in the back of my mind. One that told me I was just fooling myself with what I wanted to feel. A voice that told me I was cursed just like Phi was and that it simply wasn't possible for me to experience any sort of affection.
And if I couldn't feel it, could she feel it for me?
Those doubts began to kill the buzz I was feeling inside. Like a hand closing around a small flame, I could feel the rising heat and warmth that had engulfed me begin to fade away slowly. And just as the flames were about to be completely put out, Hikaru grabbed my arm. "Hey, Raiden."
The slight touch sent shivers down my spine, and warmth blossomed in my chest. I slowly brought my eyes up, and when they met hers, I couldn't even maintain eye contact for a few seconds before turning my face to the side.
"Yes." I murmured, desperately hoping that my face would stop rapidly heating up already.
"Look at me, Raiden." She commanded. I immediately turned to look Hikaru back in the eyes. Every second I stared into her eyes, I could feel my heartbeat quicken. I took deep breaths to calm myself.
Was, it always like this? When I looked at her?
"I want you to be 100% honest with me, okay?" She asked. I nodded. "Tell me, do you truly believe what Phi said about the both of you? About being cursed?"
I froze. It was like she had completely read my mind. The exact doubts that had been plaguing me. She somehow was able to know the exact thing that I was worried about. In that moment, the memories of when I was an infant returned. That girl in black. The rain. My father's desperate pleading, my mother's screams, and the searing hot pain that I felt on my chest after that woman talked about punishment.
Before I knew it, my free hand had drifted to rub over the scar on my chest. I could feel it pulsing. It felt alive now. Unlike not too long before, when it was cold and had been just a scar. But lately, it had started to become a significant concern. It had reverted to the state of being a fresh wound that was constantly bleeding. Hikaru watched as I entered deep contemplation while slowly running a finger over my scar.
After a few moments of that tense silence, I finally said, "I-I don't know. I don't know what to believe in that case. I mean, there are some things from my memory that line up, but I-I don't want to believe it's true. I don't—" My voice started to become choked, and I could feel the tears accumulating in my eyes. "Because if what Phi said was true, then have I ever loved anybody? Have I ever been loved by anyone in my entire life? What if everything I thought was love was just me deceiving myself because I had go-"
I felt warm as Hikaru wrapped her arms around me in a tight hug. She pushed my head into her shoulder and began to rub my back. And then, I began to cry. I let the tears fall, without any mind or care for how ugly I looked. I just let myself cry, letting out all of the emotions I may have been holding in. As I cried, Hikaru continued to rub my back and pat my head.
"Raiden. What Phi said: it doesn't matter whether or not it's true. It doesn't change anything about you. Even if you believe you're cursed to never be loved again, even if you're cursed to never feel love for other people ever again, the people around you will show you the truth." Hikaru brought my face up to look at her, and our faces were inches away from each other. "I will show you the truth."
I cried for a long time after that.
CRACK!!
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The room was empty aside from one couch in the center that faced a window. Outside, there was a wall of darkness, sparsely broken by the faint lights of a city far down below.
There was only a singular light source within the room, a chandelier that hung from the ceiling. Sitting on the couch in the center of the room was Phi. Her feet were kicked up on an object just a bit in front of the couch, and she was lounging comfortably, a singular lollipop in her mouth. Next to her, on a small table, a radio began to play the latest news reports. The anchor sounded like a young woman.
"The latest coming from police stations around the Venice area of Italy. Over the past week there has been a sharp increase in missing persons reports within the city. This is a wide range of people: old, young, men, and women. Over the past week, 31 people have gone missing. These are new reporters, completely unrelated to the casualties that occurred because of "the Spark.' The latest of these victims is 23-year-old Hector Vasquez. We will now switch to a personal report from the head of public security."
The audio cut for a moment before switching to a deep voice. The man went on to explain how the police and special forces were doing their very best to get to the bottom of this issue and that things wouldn't be like this for long. It was the usual mess that police gave to their citizens to keep them calm. The truth was, public security had no idea what had happened to those people. They had no leads. And most likely, they would never figure it out.
After a few seconds, the report switched to one talking about the success of rebuild efforts all around the world and how society would be back to normal before we knew it. Of course, back to normal was something no one could define anymore.
Phi snapped her fingers, and the radio shattered. She swirled the lollipop in her mouth for a few moments before raising her foot and kicking the object that she had her feet on. The thing flinched and then let out a whimpering sound.
Phi swirled the lollipop in her mouth for a little bit longer before tossing it to the side and spitting as if she had just swallowed something disgusting.
"Disgusting." She muttered to herself. "There was nothing useful in that mind of yours." She stood up, standing tall above the person she had her feet kicked up on. The person's figure was trembling. She stood above them, watching their pitiful figure for a moment before saying,
"I hope the next one has better experiences than you did." She reached down and flipped them over, taking a look at their tear-stained faces. She placed a hand on their head and cast a spell that would seal memories, taught to her by the Witch of Vainglory. "You can go home now and forget this ever happened."
With that, Phi left the building, all the while humming lyrics.
"Why'd...you....make.....choose? I don't wanna be .....like you"
She left the 23-year-old Hector Vasquez to wake in confusion, wondering how he had gotten there."