Afternoon, Manhattan.
200 Central Park West.
After settling the house situation and changing into a fresh outfit, Rango and Ted arrived at their next destination.
The American Museum of Natural History.
The museum's grand entrance was imposing, lined with massive stone columns that gave off a stately and authoritative aura.
As they stepped inside, a giant domed ceiling soared overhead, but Rango's attention was immediately drawn to the massive skeleton near the front doors.
A dinosaur?!
"Pretty spectacular, right?"
A pleasant voice chimed in at just the right moment. A curvy woman in a red dress approached them with a warm smile.
"Rebecca Hardman," she said, extending a hand. "I'm one of the museum guides. Would you like a tour?"
"Oh, nice to meet you. Rango Winchester."
Rango shook her hand with a smile, then pointed at Ted beside him. "This is Ted. We're actually here to meet Director McPhee. I heard the museum is hiring night guards."
"An interview?"
Rebecca looked momentarily surprised. The man standing in front of her was wearing a finely tailored designer suit, with a Vacheron Constantin watch worth tens of thousands of dollars on his wrist. And he was here to apply as a night guard?
After a small shrug, she smiled and replied, "Well, I guess we might be coworkers then. The director should be in his office now. I'll take you up."
"Much appreciated, miss."
Rango stepped aside to let her lead the way. But just as they were about to head upstairs, Ted pointed at the massive dinosaur skeleton.
"Rebecca, that's a dinosaur skeleton, right?"
"Sure is. His name's Stan. Haven't you seen Jurassic Park?"
"Oh right, Jurassic Park! So is this the sneaky one that creeps around, or… you know, that one?" Ted waved his arms around dramatically, mimicking a dino attack.
Rebecca chuckled at the display and played along, copying his movements. "I think it's that one."
"Ah!" Ted nodded. "So this is the one that bites kids with zero humanity!"
"No way. Ours is American, he's civilized!"
"Fair point."
With Rebecca leading the way, Rango and Ted soon met the man who ran the largest museum in New York, Director McPhee.
He was a short, stocky man in his mid-fifties, dressed impeccably.
After Rebecca made the introductions and left, McPhee gave Rango a long once-over, then said with a smirk, "You sure you're here to apply as a guard and not sent by the board to replace me as director?"
Rango blinked, then chuckled and explained, "I don't know anyone on the board. I just heard there was an opening for a night guard, so I showed up."
"Is that so?"
The director rubbed his chin as he eyed the man's sharp looks and athletic build, along with that expensive suit.
"OK, I don't know if you were a model or an actor before, but to me, you don't look like someone who could handle the boredom of this job."
Before Rango could respond, McPhee pointed out the window at the museum.
"Thirty-eight exhibition halls, over 32 million artifacts and prehistoric relics. You think you can protect all of that from thieves and burglars?"
"If we're talking about the British Museum, I'll admit defeat. But if it's just petty crooks, then yeah, I think I can manage."
Rango smiled calmly under the director's scrutiny, then gestured at Ted. "And to make sure I'm not overwhelmed, I brought my assistant."
He held up a finger and added playfully, "You get two loyal guards for the price of one. The last time there was a deal this good, I think it was the 15th-century slave trade."
"…What in the actual fu…?"
McPhee's jaw dropped. Did this guy really just throw out a slavery joke during a job interview?
Taking a deep breath to collect himself, the director asked, "Alright, then. What can the two of you actually do?"
"Are you kidding me?!"
Already fed up with the man's arrogant attitude, Ted snapped, "What kind of superpowers do you think a security guard needs? Laser eyes? Telepathy? Want me to pop out three adamantium claws from my knuckles?"
He leapt from his chair to the desk, pointed at the director's face, and said slowly, "I've got a mouth that can make your wife scream so loud she'll wake the neighbors. Does that count as a skill?!"
The director's expression darkened as he stared at the fuzzy fist practically shoved in his face. His voice was cold. "No one's ever dared talk to me like that before."
"That's because they're all too busy teaching your wife sign language, with their mouths!"
"…"
Rango let out a long sigh. Yep. They were definitely not getting the job.
Just as he was about to drag Ted out of the room, the director suddenly spoke up from behind the desk.
"You're hired!"
McPhee took a deep breath and, voice gravelly, said, "You've got guts and fire—that's exactly what I need. Not those three walking obituaries in the security office! Twenty bucks an hour, with health and unemployment insurance!"
Rango and Ted exchanged a look, eyebrows raised.
"Does that include dental?" Rango asked.
"Get out!!"
…
Moments later, guided once again by the ever-enthusiastic Rebecca, Rango made his way to the museum's security room and finally met the infamous "three walking obituaries" the director had mentioned.
Two white guys and one Black guy. From the way they moved, slow and shaky, they looked like they had one foot in the grave already.
"Hey, what's up! I'm Rango, and this is Ted. We're the new night guards."
Rango greeted them warmly with an outstretched hand, but the three old men barely glanced his way before one snapped, "What the hell, motherf***er? You here to guard the museum or run for president? Lose the damn suit, this ain't the UN!"
"…"
One of the white guys looked at Rango and Ted, then grinned. "Name's Cecil. I was head of security here before you showed up."
He walked over and gave Rango a friendly slap on the arm. When he felt the steel-like muscle under the jacket, he whistled. "Damn! Whatever criteria McPhee used, it clearly involved biceps. Guess the old bastard really is itching to replace us."
Rango just smiled.
The darker one, Reginald, approached next, lips curled in curiosity. "Heard about you from Kevin. So… you rap?"
"Rap?" Rango frowned, not sure what that had to do with being a night guard. "A little, yeah."
"Spit a line."
"…I don't know what you heard about me, but a bitch can't get a dollar outta me."
"Shit! You shouldn't be guarding dinosaurs, you should be on a f***ing stage!"
Then the old man leaned in close and whispered, "You ever slept with a man?"
"…No."
"Wanna try?"
"Absolutely not."
As the old creep finally shuffled away, Rango wiped the cold sweat from his forehead.
What the hell kind of haunted circus was this museum?
"Don't mind Reginald," Cecil chuckled, patting Rango's shoulder and handing him a ring of keys.
"Your uniform's in the locker. You'll find a taser and a copy of the Security Handbook in there. You're on duty tonight, kid."
"Wait… I'm starting tonight?"
"What, you thought this was just orientation?" Cecil shrugged. "There's a senior citizen cha-cha gala tonight. We've got ladies to dance with."
"…Got it." Rango flipped the keys in his hand and nodded politely.
"Hope you guys have fun."
Already halfway out the door, Cecil glanced back over his shoulder and gave Rango a meaningful smirk.
"You too."
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