"No, no, no! The Mother Tree of Desire and the Mother Goddess of Depravity should be better to sleep with, if not counting the Primordial Demoness. Just think about it, bro!" At that, Hei An scoffed and said to his friend over the phone, "You don't seem to understand me when I say the taste of Amon must be better!"
Moments after saying this, Xuàn Yīn, his best friend whom he met on a random forum called Hail Roselle The True God Almighty, shouted back with the rage of five bulls, "You dare! Do you forget the true words of Roselle Gustav? Let me remind you: the taste of a demoness isn't bad. You'd do well to remember that, Faker!"
However, uncaring of his best friend's words, Hei An scoffed once again, saying, "You'd do well to remember not to trust all the words of your seniors. Didn't that cause you to get burned? After all, he stole your account before live streaming and publicly did a face reveal along with plans for the second series you came up with.
One second, let me remember how much money you lost. Oh, of course, how could I forget? You lost 100,000 RMB after hearing my words! As both a senior LOTM fan and writer, do you dare open your mouth? If not, hold this:
L+ ratio + courting death + brat + unstable foundation + frog in a well + ant to my eyes + shallow understanding of your Dao + frog lusting for swan meat + did not dare + had eyes but failed to see Mt. Tai + didn't defy the heavens + not old like this senior + knelt to the heavens + no jade beauties? + did not master all the Dao and elements (soul, body, qì) + relies on old grandpa in the ring + does not have both yin and yang essence + spits blood + I only kneel to my parents and bow to Situ.
I'm not finished! Remember this, junior: this emperor has seen greater things than you can imagine. I stand at the peak of the Dao, having conquered the 33 heavens, creating rivers of blood and mountains of corpses. Even the air released from my weakest disciple sneezing is enough to destroy your world! So you DARE to try defeating my weakest disciple's weakest Dao partner's weakest pet? A mere frog in a well.
With sword in hand, I defy the universe. I defy samsara. If fate will not accommodate my opinion, then I shall break the shackles of fate. If the heavens will not accommodate my opinion, then I shall go against heaven's will and cut down all immortals! So whose disciple is it? If I want his Dao partner and pet, he shall give them to me. Why resist?
I shall be merciful this once, but if you enter my domain without my permission again, I'll give you a fate worse than death. You are nothing more than a mangy dog, howling at the moon, believing your pathetic yelps to be a challenge to the heavens. Your martial skills are as clumsy as an overturned cart, and your intellect as dull as a blunt blade. A "putrescent mass, a walking vomit." Truly, even the dirt beneath my feet holds more honor and potential than you."
At my words, honed from my years as a 16-year-old wuxia enjoyer and online battles with Chinese netizens on the best girl in fiction, I smiled as I heard my friend coughing, assuming he was taking a sip of water as I said that.
"You—you have angered me to no end, to the point where I coughed up blood! I shall end the 47-minute-long debate by cursing you! I curse you to be transmigrated to the fourth epoch of LOTM! I curse you with all my might to do so!" As Xuàn Yīn shouted that, I assumed we were still joking and replied, "Is that all? You god, that's too easy for me to survive in! Watch me become Sequence 0 in a year and a half at most. Was my cursing your 47 generations of ancestors and talking about me screwing your mother in your past reincarnations not enough?
If that's the case, don't call me rude when I go to your mother, screw her, then buy a brand new camera only to record me doing so on your childhood bed, yelling my name to the point even a dog on the road knows how to say my name with perfect pronunciation." Thinking this rage-baiting season would come to an end soon, Hei An started getting some water before he and Xuàn Yīn roasted the ending of COI.
Then he heard something terrifying: "Fine then, I, Xuàn Yīn of the Yīn family, sacrifice my very soul to the Original Creator and Yuan Ye to transmigrate my now ex-best friend to your world, the fourth epoch, as the first husband or husband-to-be of the Amon family!"
"Wait! Stop! What if—" However, before he could finish his words, his body quickly disintegrated into white mist.
╔═════════════════╗
║ ✧✧✧✧✧Time Shifts✧✧✧✧ ✧ ║
╚═════════════════╝
Tudor-Trunsoest United Empire
Empire Mystvale Bastion
House of Amon estate
Year 24
In a luxurious mansion lay a handsome man with messy black hair and pale skin, a love mark on the bottom left corner of his face. He seemed peacefully asleep, a beautiful smile on his lips. But with a shudder, the man sprang up, fluttering his eyelashes that were just the right length.
As his handsome appearance bathed in the sunlight, it was as if God himself had descended specifically to craft this scene into reality. As that beautiful scene played out, the man touched the side of his head, seemingly in some amount of pain.
The man's perfect jawline couldn't quite convey the expression of pain, merely resulting in a slight frown. His dull grey eyes, which seemed like an endless expanse of nothingness, stared at a full-length mirror. With a hint of what could be called shock, the man let out a sound.
"Ahh."
That brief exhale was enough to cause a young maiden to cry out that she couldn't savor the sound of his deep, melodious voice any longer. The man—Hei An—thought, I've got to check out the goods, just in case anything was damaged. You know, for no other reason, I swear. After thinking this with a blank expression, the man undressed himself.
Revealing abs that seemed to glisten in the sunlight, each one looking firm as if crafted with meticulous dedication by the finest craftsmen pouring all their heart and soul into them, Hei An smiled. That smile alone was so graceful and utterly perfect that it was as if the rays of the sun themselves were enchanted.
Seeing his upper appearance alone, Hei An quickly took off his bottom garment and looked upon himself in the mirror, leaning forward and putting his left hand on the mirror, accentuating his back muscles and his firm, toned rear as he looked into his eyes—or well, eye, as one side of his hair covered the right.
So I think that bastard Xuàn Yīn failed after all. I don't feel as if I have any powers, nor can I instinctively move toward the next sequence. I might have just won the transmigration lottery with this. I mean, look at me; I'm practically the epitome of handsomeness incarnate.
Grinning even wider at his own thoughts, a few knocks came at the door as a maid walked in, saying, "Master Kieran, I've come to—" Before the maid could finish her sentence, Hei An looked at her, noticing the monocle on her right eye.
Shocked, Hei An stood in front of her fully naked as the sunlight bounced off his body, causing the maid to blush, thinking, 'I think I'll take my time to parasitize him for research—deep research for, uh, the future. In case I need to, I don't know; I'll think of an excuse later.' As the maid stood frozen, Hei An knew this was his chance. He leaned down to the maid, standing a full two and a half heads taller than her, smiled, and asked,
"Morning, beauty. May I ask if there is a bath that I may use?" In as deep a voice as he could muster, which didn't seem cringe-worthy, he caused the clone of Amon to think, 'I can wait 50 years to learn everything about him. I think a year just isn't enough to make breakthroughs, because science takes a while, right?'
But the clone quickly came out of their stupor, smiling as they said, "Yes, I came to escort you there. Do you happen to need a change of clothes as well as we walk there?"
Hei An merely grabbed the thinnest bed sheet in his room, shortly before wrapping it around himself, saying, "This will do, as this morning has been peculiarly hot, milady." With that, Hei An lined up behind her, thinking, 'Yeah, I know I'm going to take a bath while trying to gain all the memories inside this body and also plan on how to keep Amon curious for as long as possible—about 118 years or less so I can survive this era.'
As he was thinking, they quickly arrived at the bathing room, and with a quick thanks to the maid, Hei An threw off his bed sheet wrapping around him as he walked inside and instinctively used items that somehow seemed familiar to him as he started washing himself finishing 5 minutes later Hei An leaned his head back on the edge of the bathtub as he tried to think of the originals memories causing him to pass out.
_______
"Ugh, I'm going to die, aren't I?" Those were the first words Hei An spoke after "waking up," as he gained the memories of the original. He thought, Good news: I'm in the Tudor-Trunsoest United Empire before everything went to shit. Bad news: I'm in the world of Lord Of Mysteries. Worse news: I'm in Lord Of Mysteries in the Fourth Epoch.
Even worse news: I'm in the Amon family. Doubly worse news: I'm the first husband of the angelic House of Amon, which appeared in the second year of the founding of this empire. So, in not too many words, I'm so fucked that if I were a porn, I'd be banned on the dark web.
After those deprecating thoughts passed through his head, realizing he had married Amon after traveling through time, he wanted to curse out the hundred generations of whoever did this. But realizing that was partly what got him into this mess, he stopped those thoughts and began praying.
______________
23 Minutes Later.
A handsome man, beyond the standards of ordinary and entering the realm of extraordinary, walked into a small prayer room. Clasping his hands, he knelt down to pray, parting his lips to say, "Adam, as a fellow traverser, I would like to ask a favor from you, my senior. You might not know this, but as soon as I traveled through time...
I— I got married to Amon, and tonight's my honeymoon night. As in the night after marriage—the consummation night, if you will. Now, I'm not asking you to somehow hide me from all the means of Amon, as a senior traverser, but I'm not saying don't do that, if you catch my drift.
You get it. Anyway, help me; I'm scared, is what I'm saying. Heck, if you need me to, I can make you some Stolichnaya, you know, so you can taste a bit of home. Anyway, how do I know this? Simple: I'm an accidental traverser, as in I actually got flung from my time to here, seeing some secrets as my body was destroyed."
As Hei An—no Kieran Amon—prayed and rambled to Adam, hoping for a miracle, he received nothing but a note saying, [You'll survive. Good luck!]. For the first time in his life, after discovering rage-baiting, Kieran regretted his actions. He thought, If this is the fate that I have been cursed with, fine. If this is the game the world wants to play, then I will play it.
In fact, I'll do more than that. I'll make Amon howl my name. As a man who cares, Amon's main body is male; he's a born mythical creature. Plus, who cares about that? A woman is a woman. Yes, that's right; a woman is a woman, even if she is an angel. I'm a man, and what do men do? They conquer.
So as a man, I shall not just conquer anyone, but an angel. And as a man, I shall not bring shame to my ancestors! After shouting such in his head and hyping himself up, he stood up from prayer and said in a firm voice, "As they say, when in Rome, do as the Romans—no, Roselle?" Saying that to no one in particular, Kieran stood up and headed out, intending to ask the maids for something from the Amon family treasury.