Dear Em,
Today marked the beginning of a new round of adventures, though we didn't know it at the time. It was the day your mother first learned about your coming into this crazy world. She was alone, perhaps with your dad – a detail I wouldn't ask, as you'll soon learn through these letters that our relationship with your daddy was, and still is, close to zero.
Your grandpa and I were enjoying some vacation time at our favorite place. When we arrived, I'll never forget, your mother was so eager to take me shopping. She was driving, and suddenly she said, "I need to tell you something." I, trying to be funny, blurted out, "Don't tell me you're pregnant!" Of course, Em, I thought I was just making a joke. Your mom kept quiet for a moment, then softly said, "Yes, I am."
At that moment, I felt my whole world fall apart. Please allow me to explain why before you get upset, like your mom did. I was mad, sad—you know that mix of feelings you can't quite describe. There was a deep disappointment because we knew your daddy didn't love your mom as much as she loved him. She was truly in love, but your dad was not. I was also mad because I had envisioned your mama following her dreams, traveling the world, living independently, just enjoying life. She was only 24 years old!
Don't misunderstand me, as your mama did. I expected more for her because your grandad and I had come from a life of many challenges and limitations. We simply wanted a far better relationship for your mama than the one she had with your dad.
Of course, I asked her to drive back home. I didn't react as your mama expected. I called your grandpa and asked her to tell him. He had the same reaction, the same feelings. She's our little one, the last to embark on a life outside our home, and it felt like she hadn't considered everything we had done for her. We asked her to call your dad, and then your granddad and I, in our fear and concern, told her to consider terminating the pregnancy. I'm just closing my eyes and imagining your face when you read this, judging me. And of course, please do. But as you continue reading the next letter, you will understand my suggestion to your mama at that time.
As soon as I mentioned this to your mama, the war began. She just shut down, and nobody could pull her out of that state. She hated us, she hated me especially. This was amplified when we asked your dad, right in front of your mama, "Do you love her?" He didn't say anything. At that moment, Em, at that very moment, your grandpa and I realized he had never truly loved your mama. It was merely the momentum of the relationship, because your mama was—and is—a catch. She's gorgeous, and your daddy felt he was next to an amazing lady. But my dear, that was, and is, not enough to build a family.
Difficult days passed during your mama's pregnancy—filled with stress. She moved in with your dad, then she came back home. She was in a terrible job, but she needed it. She needed our home, her room, the comfort and peace (ironic, despite her silence towards us). But she was better taken care of, with you inside her, in our house than with your dad.
We didn't make the first months of your mom's pregnancy easy for her, nor did she make them easy for us. But since these are letters about your history, it's important to note that your dad wasn't much help to your mom during this new phase.
Let me tell you, you have a wonderful family. There was no judgment from your great-grandmother, nor your godmother, nor your aunties. They did what your mother was expecting from us: they simply offered their support!
This is just the beginning of your journey through my eyes with these letters. You will soon come into this amazing, wild world, and I am so eager to share it with you through my eyes.
I love you,
Aba