I want to cry. I really want to cry. I want to shove this fork into my brain and die. Why did I open my big mouth just now? I'm dead. Dead dead. I'm a cold corpse on the gutter.
The boy in front of me shows nothing but sheer shock, jaw dropped to the point of letting his fork fall onto his plate. The princess beside him bursts into laughter with her father, while the Queen's face, previously like an ice statue, transforms into a demonic creature.
I've already accepted my fate. Thanks for the brief stay, life, now I'm off to a better place.
An ice thorn crystallizes in mid-air and shoots towards me. I don't even need to say who conjured it to flay me, do I? I can only close my eyes and pray for any deity to take me away.
Instead of feeling something piercing my chest, I only hear a metallic clink. I run my hand over my flesh. Is everything in place? Really? I open my eyes, encountering a grayish barrier surrounding me, with that ice thorn swirling upwards.
The Duke beside me has his hand extended. One of the rings on his right hand shines intensely.
"Enough," his voice booms like thunder, to the point where the servants tremble. "The boy merely retorted to the prince's lack of manners. What kind of person asks such a question at the table? It's obvious he would know, even commoners know."
The table immediately falls silent. The ice thorn disintegrates in the air with a subtle vibration, melting before touching the ground. The barrier around me slowly dissipates, only then do I realize I've held my breath for too long.
Is he defending me? Is this serious? Well, that prince deserved it, but it deeply impresses me that someone would want to cover for my mistakes.
The King, who had been laughing heartily until then, leans back on his chair-shaped throne with a sideways glance at the Queen. Is it just me or does this mean he's on my father's side? What a mess is this?
I receive an invisible threat through my dear aunt's frozen expression. She kills me in countless ways with her eyes. Tomorrow I might wake up hanging from the ceiling with a rope around my neck, and it won't even be me who put it there!
Okay, I need to defuse this situation. Even if the situation is like this, if it drags on any longer, I'll only gain a target on my back because of everyone else's irritation. One of the servants pours wine into the glasses, but her hand trembles so much that it slides a bit towards the floor when she fills the glass next to me.
"Sir-Sir, I'm sorry...!"
Now's the chance. I take the entire bottle of wine from her hands and bring it directly to my mouth, tipping it down my throat without a shred of shame. The taste is incredibly strong, I can feel my cheeks burning from just a few sips, but it's the only way now.
"Hiccup!"
I slam the bottle on the table and wipe the liquid dripping from the corner of my lip, then extend my arm to the little person sitting close to me. I pull Kristia closer and grin.
"Excuse me, Your Highness, I was insensitive! That was a joke my sister told me while teaching me table manners, I blurted it out reflexively because she repeated it so many times!"
Kristia freezes for a moment. Her green eyes blink slowly as she tries to understand why she's being dragged into the flaming circus that dinner has become. She says nothing, which is even more terrifying than if she had kicked me under the table or slapped me in front of the King.
"Isn't that right, sis~?" I insist, still holding her shoulder with fraternal affection. "You reprimanded me so much that day, remember? That a man without manners would never marry anyone worthy of the court."
Please, sister, just play along with your brother for a tiny bit. I need to get out of this mess. It won't hurt you to give me a hand now, right?
"Take. Your hand. Off me."
"What is it, Kristia? We both are…"
She raises her hand and slaps my face. That stings like hell.
The sound reverberates through the hall. The King raises an eyebrow. The Princess tries to hide her laughter. The Prince... is too busy piercing me with his gaze to react to anything else.
"You muddy the Moonlight name, show up here like a pig, and still dare to drag me into this farce", she says, kicking her chair back. "And you want me to cooperate?! Go to hell, Darius!"
"I just…"
"Shut up!"
Kristia's eyes redden, if they weren't tears, I swear flames would come out of them.
"Don't ever call me sister again!" She points her finger at me. "You're not part of my family! You're just the consequence of a night with a stranger who, for some mysterious twist of fate, survived too long!"
"Kristia!" Leliana finally stands up, but her intervention is of little use.
"And all of you, stop pretending he's part of this!" Kristia turns her face to the King, the Queen and her cousins. "This bastard is here because you need an idiot to breed! That's all! Everyone at this table knows it!"
The silence that falls seems eternal. Not even the cutlery dares to fall now.
"And if you want a legitimate Moonlight grandchild so badly, you can very well look at me!" Finally, Kristia turns to Duke Moonlight, her father, gritting her teeth and about to explode. "I am nobler than he will ever be, yet you prefer this mistake because he has useless junk between his legs!"
The Queen's eyes widen. The King... laughs again, much louder than last time.
"Wonderful", he says, clapping his hands. "Kristia Moonlight, may I adopt you?"
"Your Majesty...!" the Queen reprimands him, but the damage is already done.
Kristia turns her back, furious, her eyes welling up with rage and humiliation. Her heels echo on the marble as she storms out, slamming the hall doors. Leliana tries to follow, but the Duke raises his hand, stopping her.
I... remain seated, half-dead inside.
The Duke sips his wine and sighs. I think I pushed it a bit too far, in fact, instead of easing things for myself, I think I just increased my chances of going to the guillotine.
Besides messing up the table's mood, the taste of the food, and any chance of getting out of the situation, I made it a thousand times worse by creating this absurd drama.
I no longer have the courage to eat, I practically spend the rest of dinner not touching the food and only taking sips of wine, keeping quiet. The King takes a deep breath, setting his cutlery down on the table.
"This was the best supper since the Northern treaty. Invite me next time so we can eat again, Torvek."
Duke Moonlight nods. The servants clear the plates and what's left on the table. Thus ends my social wake.
It doesn't take long for the place to empty. I end up leaving only due to the social pressure of being alone, however, instead of accompanying my stepmother and father, I head to our designated wing in the palace by my own path.
I also make no eye contact with the royal family, quite the opposite, avoiding them seems like the best possible choice now that I've publicly disgraced myself.
A walk and a good night's sleep are the only salvation I ask for now.
When I reach the room, I just slam the door shut behind me and lock it.
I messed up...
Why am I like this? Always wanting to gain an advantage over everything? I don't know, I just always do it because it seems right. What a shitty feeling.
I fall headfirst onto the pillow. There's nothing to change about this. They say you need to live in the now and act in the now, but tell me one thing: how does a screwed-up person do that? Geez, look at me; people hate me for no reason, and in the end, I just suffer here alone.
You know what? Don't care. Let's wait until tomorrow.
Early in the morning, I'll go to Count Vandric's mansion with Vivandir to resolve Ravenna's case and get this situation over with once and for all. I promised myself not to live like a failure but to break this story in half, to do whatever I feel like.
It shouldn't be difficult, right? ...Right?
The truth is my stomach is still queasy, my throat is bitter from the cheap wine, and my eyes are itchy, dry with exhaustion.
I roll over, burying my face in the pillow again and trying to forget that I was almost assassinated with an ice thorn in the middle of a family dinner. Okay, I admit, I peed my pants. Better go to the bathroom, take off these clothes, and get some of that food out of my stomach.
Tomorrow will be different. Tomorrow, I start again. I just need to get through this night without dreaming of the queen stabbing me or the duke dragging me by my feet back to the table.
I take a deep breath and close my eyes. Darkness swallows me.