"Wow, look at this spread! It's incredible!"
"Just smelling it makes my mouth water."
"Smells amazing!"
"I'm gonna polish off three bowls of rice!"
As everyone welcomed Teacher Huang to take his seat, they all put on excited expressions, practically falling over themselves to praise Teacher Huang's ancestors back eighteen generations.
"Hey guys, let me just say something first!" Already tipsy, Lu Ming watched his hard work get stolen by Teacher Huang who hadn't lifted a finger, and decided to come clean about his contribution to this feast.
But everyone acted like they'd reached some kind of agreement. They clearly noticed Lu Ming's attempt to speak up, but pretended not to hear him. Li Changfeng even raised his voice louder:
"Getting this amazing spread ready so late at night - Teacher Huang, you worked so hard!"
"Yeah, my mom never made me such a fancy meal. Teacher Huang, you're better to me than my own mom!" A young pop idol followed up with some serious ass-kissing, looking completely shameless about it.
Teacher Huang beamed with pride.
Lu Ming said coldly, "Then you're really unfilial."
The pop idol: "???"
What the hell does this nobody have to do with anything?!
"How am I unfilial?" the trainee glared.
Lu Ming: "Your mom cooks for you because she wants you fed and happy. Teacher Huang made this spread, and you might not live to see morning!"
"Instead of worrying whether you'll see tomorrow's sunrise, you're using this as an excuse to trash your mother's lifelong contributions. If that's not unfilial, what is?"
The pretty boy was struck speechless.
He looked desperately toward Teacher Huang for help.
"Why are you looking at him? You've heard 'tigers don't eat their cubs,' but have you heard of 'cattle and sheep that don't eat grass'? Just pray Teacher Huang's in a good mood today and didn't accidentally stew up a pot of half-cooked beans for everyone!"
The trainee: "..."
Teacher Huang glared viciously at Lu Ming: "Nobody's calling you mute if you don't talk!"
Everyone shot Lu Ming annoyed looks, but after scanning the table and confirming there were no bean-related dishes, they visibly relaxed.
The trainee, still embarrassed from Lu Ming's scolding, picked up his chopsticks and grabbed some 'sweet and sour pork.'
The moment the meat hit his mouth, he shuddered violently - so shocked he nearly wet himself on the spot!
The young man's instinct was to spit out the poison in his mouth, but seeing everyone watching him, especially Teacher Huang whose expression had turned dark after Lu Ming's comments, his mind automatically conjured up the consequences of spitting out Teacher Huang's 'lovingly' prepared food.
Reason won over instinct!
With several cameras focused on his face, the young man's features twisted as he forced himself to swallow.
Then he went limp like all the strength had been drained from his body. After giving Lu Ming a complex look, he slumped back in his chair, eyes vacant.
Inexplicably, tears welled up in the young man's eyes, two clear streams flowing down his cheeks...
Seeing this, Teacher Huang's face went rigid.
Li Changfeng: ???
Wu Qian: ???
What kind of reaction is this?!
People who know would understand he just ate some food, but those who don't might think he'd swallowed poison!
Teacher He looked baffled. If anyone in the entertainment industry understood Teacher Huang's cooking, it was him. He'd expected his old partner might cause trouble today, but he never imagined a young guy would start crying just from one bite of his buddy's cooking. Really?
Sweet and sour pork - it's a home-style dish!
No matter how bad the proportions, it shouldn't be inedible to this degree, right?
Everyone realized things were about to go south!
Lu Ming suddenly leaned close to the pale-faced pretty boy, gently wiping the tears from his face, then thoughtfully served him another piece of pork: "Eat up! This is Teacher Huang's selfless love for you!"
The young man's emotions were just starting to calm down, but seeing another piece of meat in his bowl, the tears just wouldn't stop!
Son of a bitch, who asked you to serve me food?!
Earlier when Lu Ming said he'd be dead by tonight, he didn't believe it. But after that one bite, he felt like at some moment he'd actually seen his great-grandmother waving at him...
Teacher Huang kept a straight face: "Not to your taste?"
"No, it's perfect! Absolutely perfect!" The startled trainee snapped to attention, sitting up straight: "This sweet and sour pork tastes incredible, exactly like my mom's - no, ten times better than my mom's! I just haven't been home to see my parents in so long, and tasting something familiar suddenly reminded me of her!"
Teacher Huang's expression softened, even showing a hint of pride.
Seeing this, everyone else figured they'd been overthinking. Compared to food so bad it made someone cry, they found it much easier to accept that the pretty boy had just been moved by emotional memories.
Watching Teacher Huang laugh heartily, the other young stars looked enviously at this trainee who'd 'used his mom to climb the ladder.'
With that kind of 'acting,' that emotional control - no wonder Teacher Huang appreciated him!
Teacher He breathed a sigh of relief: "Looks like Teacher Huang's cooking has improved even more. We're all in for a treat tonight - everyone dig in!"
Everyone was starving. Hearing Teacher He's encouragement, they all picked up their chopsticks ready to feast.
Li Changfeng was genuinely hungry. He grabbed a piece of the sweet and sour pork he'd ordered and popped it in his mouth. He barely chewed before swallowing it with a gulp.
The next instant, Li Changfeng's eyes went wide as saucers. He looked at Teacher Huang, then at Teacher He who was quietly eating rice, wondering if something was wrong with his taste buds.
Li Changfeng couldn't believe it and put another piece of pork in his mouth.
The salty-bitter taste kept assaulting his tongue, mixed with a heavy soy sauce flavor. These two awful tastes made his already unhealthy stomach feel like it was smoking!
"Ugh... ptui ptui ptui!"
Li Changfeng reflexively spat the pork onto the floor, then glared at the mama's boy who was carefully glancing his way.
Missing his mom?
Fuck that! I was wondering how this no-talent little brother managed to cry on command with zero buildup, looking so genuine without a trace of acting. Turns out it wasn't acting - he really got poisoned by this toxic shit!
Bastard, you screwed me over!
Li Changfeng's eyes were bloodshot. He ran to the side, dry heaving:
"Ugh!!!"
"What is this taste?"
"Feels like I swallowed several pounds of salt, plus soy sauce. So salty! Was this dish made with sulfuric acid? No way, I might need my stomach pumped!"
Everyone was startled by Li Changfeng's reaction.
Teacher He, who'd just picked up a piece of pork, hand trembling, quickly put it back. The other guests including Wu Qian did the same!
The comments exploded!
[???]
[Is this for real?!]
[Someone poisoned the food! Teacher Huang poisoned the food!]
[More dark cuisine? Teacher Huang never disappoints!]
[Sweet and sour pork with no sugar or vinegar, just salt and soy sauce - what kind of person thinks up this combination?]
[Grim Reaper!]
["Several pounds of salt" - I know all these words but put together they're making my brain smoke...]
[That kid earlier really gave Teacher Huang face, crying and saying he missed his mom rather than expose Teacher Huang's chaos!]
[Bro, are the show's effects really this explosive?]
[New entertainment industry drama: #Sweet and Sour Pork Incident#]
[This episode's definitely going viral!]
[Mushroom House doesn't believe in tears. Turns out 'missing mom' guy wasn't missing his mom - he was afraid if he ate a few more bites, he wouldn't live to see his mom tomorrow... Anyone would lose it in this situation.]
[Creamy trainee: Please speak up for me!]
[...]
The fan army was panicking behind their screens:
"Fengfeng is a singer! What does vocal condition mean to a singer? It's a singer's life! That damn Teacher Huang definitely wants to poison our Fengfeng. If something happens to his voice, we fans will make your whole production team pay!"
Li Changfeng's face was red as he came over, voice hoarse: "Water... water!"
Lu Ming took a swig from his bottle of Lao Cunzhang liquor in front of the cameras. Pretty drunk now and not caring about the live broadcast, he saw Li reaching out and handed it over. Li Changfeng, with his stomach churning, didn't even see what Lu Ming was giving him. He tilted his head back and took a big gulp of white liquor, then immediately sprayed it out!
"Cough cough cough!"
"Help... help me!"
Everyone panicked. Watching Li Changfeng jump around from the burning liquor, even the production crew rushed to help.
Wu Qian pointed at Lu Ming, shouting: "Are you fucking sick?!"
"Feng-ge wanted water, why'd you give him liquor?!"
Except for the already-poisoned 'missing mom' guy, the other young stars all accused him:
"Are you trying to kill our Feng-ge?"
"Drinking during filming - where are your morals?!"
"If anything happens to Feng-ge, you're dead!"
Lu Ming looked innocent: "Why are you all yelling at me? He reached out asking for it. I gave it to him and now I'm wrong?"
"He asked so you gave it?"
"What else? I finally tried to be considerate of your feelings, but you're still not happy. Recording shows with you guys is so hard. What exactly do I need to do to satisfy you?"
"How about you just kill me?"
Li Changfeng, throat almost burned out by the liquor, chugged the spring water the PD handed him. Once he recovered, not caring about filming, he immediately started cursing:
"Lu Ming! Cough cough... fuck you, trying to poison me - you're not getting away with this!"
Lu Ming: "..."
...
The good news was that the sweet and sour pork just had some seasoning issues - the ingredients and seasonings were all healthy, so it wouldn't cause real problems. Li Changfeng didn't actually need to go to the hospital for stomach pumping. With the two teachers' comfort, he soon returned to his seat.
But looking at that plate of sweet and sour pork, everyone felt inexplicably parched.
Teacher Huang glared viciously at Lu Ming. He'd been screwed over this time, but since everyone had earnestly praised his hard work, he couldn't very well admit the food wasn't his. He had to swallow this bitter pill.
Teacher He reached for the braised pork with preserved vegetables, wrapped a piece in a pancake, and took a bite. The next second, his legs kicked out and he shot straight up from his chair!
Everyone was startled by Teacher He's reaction.
Thinking of Teacher He's past praise for Teacher Huang's masterpieces, words like 'amazing,' 'incredible,' and 'fantastic' were already forming in their minds.
Viewers prepared to watch Teacher He's acting performance.
Teacher He, fighting back nausea, desperately wanted to swallow the food in his mouth, but this simple action made him look like a woman in difficult labor.
Teacher He used every ounce of strength and finally managed to swallow the pancake with great difficulty.
Seeing everyone staring at him strangely, especially his old partner Teacher Huang giving him a scrutinizing look, Teacher He spent this brief moment thinking through all the happiest moments of his life. Then his eyes lit up, pupils sparkling like he'd tasted something divine, grinning:
"Who said Teacher Huang's cooking is bad?"
"Damn! This braised pork is fantastic!"
"Seriously, I've never had braised pork this good. Everyone should try it, it's so good it's... ugh!"
"So good... ugh... it's explosive... ugh!"
"I'm not lying, it's really... ugh! If you don't believe me, try it... ugh!"
Teacher He fought back the nausea, trying several times to save face for Teacher Huang, but in the end he couldn't hold it back. Laughing through tears, he ran to hug a trash can and retch.
Teacher Huang: ???
He, are you fucking with me?!
Viewers: We haven't seen this route in previous episodes!
Lu Ming watched in amazement: "Now that's what I call a veteran actor! That's a real veteran actor right there! Everyone else trades time for money, but Teacher He is trading his life for money! This professional attitude - I crown Teacher He the entertainment industry's strongest!"
"One sentence!"
"Greatness needs no words—"
Lu Ming's comment ignited the audience's enthusiasm.
[Hahahahaha!]
[I'm dying!]
[Lu Ming, are you trying to kill me with laughter?]
["Trading his life for money" - I can't handle it.]
[Teacher He must really love Teacher Huang to vomit up bile.]
[Teacher Huang having a friend like this makes his life worthwhile!]
[This fucking episode has so many legendary moments, the effects are explosive. I'm making goose sounds laughing at my screen, my mom's looking at me like I'm mentally challenged...]
[Lu Ming knows how to deliver the killing blow. Drunk him is like a different person.]
[Classic dual personality - all fake before drinking, pure nature after!]
[Plenty of variety shows endorse liquor, but Lu Ming's the first in the industry to actually drink on camera. Just for that, Lao Cunzhang should pay up!]
[...]
Comments flooded the screen as viewers nearly died laughing.
Everyone present except Teacher Huang, who looked sickly, was painfully holding back laughter.
Feeling the strange looks around him, Teacher He looked at his old partner through tears: "Teacher Huang, how did you make this thing?"
Teacher Huang was confused too.
His old partner had survived the #Poisonous Bean Incident# and years of compliance tests, so how could he not handle this small scene?
Teacher He looked like a wronged little wife:
"I feel like you put ten pounds of sugar on top! No, more accurately, Teacher Huang probably melted down a massive amount of saccharin, compressed it, then shaped it to look like meat and pickled vegetables. That creativity... is pretty novel!"
"Sounds high-class, right?"
"..." Teacher Huang stayed silent.
He looked at Lu Ming, teeth clenched, showing a conflicted expression.
At this moment he deeply regretted giving Lu Ming the cooking duties.
Fuck, my lifetime reputation got completely destroyed by this nobody in one meal!
"Everyone don't make those faces. Because of my unique taste preferences, I can't handle Teacher Huang's bold innovation this time. But for sweet lovers, this dish is definitely a rare delicacy!"
Seeing the segment falling apart, Teacher He quickly grabbed another piece of meat to help his old partner, carefully wrapping it and offering it to Li Changfeng:
"Fengfeng, don't you love sweet and sour pork? This dish is perfect for you - it's sweet and sour pork that looks like braised pork!"
"Try it, absolutely delicious!"
Li Changfeng: "..."
Do I look like an idiot?
Looking at the meat stuck in Teacher He's teeth, Li Changfeng couldn't imagine how sickeningly sweet this cursed dark cuisine would be. Though refusing a senior would affect their relationship, looking at the pancake right in front of him, he could hardly imagine what would happen if he actually took a bite...
Just thinking about it made his teeth chatter!
"Teacher He, I suddenly don't want anything sweet!"
Teacher He looked embarrassed.
He had to offer the wrapped pancake to Wu Qian: "Xiao Wu, trust me, Teacher Huang's cooking is really great. This dish just sounds sweet, but it's actually delicious!"
"Teacher He, I ordered the nine-turn large intestine - I'll eat that!" Wu Qian quickly grabbed a piece of intestine covered in sauce with his chopsticks and hurriedly put it in his mouth.