"Lucien Vale," the sun goddess' voice boomed. "You have been summoned for judgement before the Tribunal of Eternal Balance."
"Sounds important." Lucien said, smirking as he stroked his chin like he was about to charm the crown off a queen. "Is this the part where I get my halo and wings, or—"
The moon goddess lifted her hand to her mouth to hide a chuckle. The old man hid his snicker behind a pretend sip of coffee.
"You upset the balance of your world," the sun goddess snapped. "Your actions caused untold suffering. Your unchecked greed, your womanizing, your manipulations of power and influence—"
"Oh… that." Lucien interrupted, raising a finger. "That… was actually the first step in my grand plan to rehabilitate the world, to save it! And I was well on my way until some stupid truck driver—"
"The Celestial Assassin." The moon goddess cut in.
"Excuse me?"
"It wasn't a normal truck." the old man muttered. "You were killed by our finest assassin. A shape shifting, interdimensional entity of pure, divine retribution."
Lucien gave a low whistle. "That actually explains a lot. I was starting to think trucks just had a fetish for hitting overachievers."
"You had left us with little choice, Lucien Vale." the sun goddess said. "Your world was suffering. The balance was crumbling. Your very existing accelerated inequality, conflicts and economic meltdown—"
Lucien gave a lopsided grin. "Can't change the world without tearing out a few foundations, right?"
"And the orgies?" the moon goddess asked, raising an intrigued eyebrow. "The amount of lust you've generated alone is… almost inhuman."
"Well… now we're just getting into unnecessary details." Lucien chuckled. "Although I'd be happy to discuss the intricacies of multi-partner fornication in private if you—"
"Nevertheless." the old-man said, rubbing at his nose as he bit down a laugh. "Your punishment has been decided."
"You'll be reincarnated." said the moon goddess. "A new life. A new world."
"As a sickly, destitute eunuch." The sun goddess added with a smug grin dripping with satisfaction. "Poor, powerless and missing your manhood. You will live like those you have crushed in your path of profits and perversion."
Lucien frowned while his eyes softened and widened like a love-sick puppy. "So, first of all… ouch. But I guess I deserved that. And second…what you are suggesting, is what we in the industry would call… A MASSIVE WASTE OF TALENT!"
"Do I look like a man built for peasantry?" He twirled and struck a pose.
"You look like you're carved from marble and bathed in diamonds." the moon goddess says before biting her lip.
"Thank you." Lucien grins with a wink. "Exactly my point! What if… instead of letting this brilliant mind and blessed body rot in squalor, you let me do something good. Meaningful. A redemption arc if you will—"
"There's no redemption for the likes for you." the sun goddess growled.
"Every soul deserves a second chance." the old man said as he stroked his beard thoughtfully.
"The moon goddess nodded, smiling softly at Lucien. "Perhaps. But what could he possibly do?"
"Well, I'm glad you asked." Lucien said, tapping his fingers tips rhythmically like he was about to close on a once-in-a-lifetime deal. "This world you're sending me to… what's it like?"
The three deities glanced at each other.
"Centuries ago," the moon goddess began, "the world was ravaged by a powerful demon king. Wars tore the lands apart. Men died in droves. Magic and curses ravaged kingdoms."
"After the demon king's fall at the hands of a band of warrior-maidens," the sun goddess continued, "a new order emerged. A matriarchal one. Seven kingdoms, each ruled by powerful women, united in peace."
"No war," the old man said. "No corruption. No greed."
Lucien raised a brow. "So... it's basically paradise?"
"Far from it." the moon goddess admitted. "With no great threat, no reason to push them forward, there is no progress. No ambition. The balance is off."
"Now they drown in decadence and wasted potential." the sun goddess mutters.
Lucien's eyes light up like a landlord at a foreclosure sale.
"Say no more," he said, grinning from ear to ear. "I'll do it!"
The gods looked at him confused.
"Do what exactly?" the old man asked.
"I'll be the threat." Lucien explains, "Make me the new Demon Lord. Give the world something to fear, to unite against. I've run empires, manipulated markets, crushed governments
With little more than a press release. I know how to stir the pot without breaking it—"
"Absolutely not!" the sun goddess rasped, folding her arms. "You'll just end up corrupting another world."
"Too late," Lucien chuckles. "I've already started to come up with strategies."
"You would pose an interesting challenge." the old man said, eyeing Lucien more closely. "And challenges create motion."
"If nothing else, it would be entertaining to watch." The moon goddess added with a smirk.
The sun goddess scowled, tossing her hands in the air. "This is madness! You risk millions of soul."
"It's a return to balance." the old man said. "Let the storm come if it teaches the people to adapt, if it can open their eyes to their complacence."
They turned away and whispered amongst themselves. Lucien stood there, hands folded behind his back, grinning smugly.
"Who knew smooth-talking gods was this easy?" he muttered under his breath.
The sun goddess turned sharply and glared at him. "Did you just say something?"
Lucien smiled and tilted his head sheepishly. "Just admiring your divine glow. It's blindingly beautiful. Really pure, fierce… utterly mesmerizing. Transcendent, really."
Her breath hitched. The moon goddess giggled.
"Ahem." the old man coughed. "We've made a decision. You may proceed… but under three strict conditions."
"Hit me." Lucien said, flicking two finger guns at the old-man.
"One: The Demon Lord may never leave his kingdom, the Ash Lands."
"Ooooh. Dark, spooky. I can make it work. Love it! Continue…"
"Two: You may not conquer any of the seven kingdoms, or harm their royalty."
Lucient cocked an eyebrow. "Define 'conquer'. I mean, are we talking spiritually? Politically? Economically? Sexual—"
The moon goddess gives him a warning glance.
"I'm kidding! No royal body-count. Duly noted."
"Three: Your actions must ultimately benefit the world. Measurable improvements must be witnessed as a result of your presence."
Lucien gives a firm salute. "Scout's honor!"
"You were never in the scouts!" The sun goddess scowled.
"True…" Lucien smirked. "But it sounds better than Demon Lord's honor. Meh, I'll get marketing to work on something."
"Demon Lord's don't have marketing teams." the moon goddess chuckles.
"Not yet…" Lucien smirks. "So, are we getting this show on the road or what?"
"One last thing." the old man sighed. "To ensure you're following the rules. We'll be assigning you a guardian."
Right on cue, a pillar of light descended from the sky, and out floated a vision of divine innocence and beauty. The angel was radiant with long hair made of golden light, eyes like liquid sapphire, and a figure so distractingly perfect it probably violated multiple celestial workplace guidelines.
She touched down beside Lucien with a graceful flutter of wings, her body covered in a sheer, shimmering gown as thin as a whisper.
"I am Serenith," she said, bowing slightly. "Of the Ninth Choir. I will observe and report on your journey and assist where I can."
Lucien took one look at her, bowed, and then shot her the kind of smirk that could melt hearts, contracts and underwear.
"My dear Serenith," he crooned. "You just became my favorite choir."
She blinked rapidly, cheeks flushing. "Oh… um… I… thank you, I—"
He reached forward, eyes smoldering as he tried to brush a strand of hair from her lips.
BOOM!
A blast of holy energy launches him backwards like a ridiculously good-looking ragdoll, slamming him into a cloud wall before he slumped to the ground in a smoky heap.
The gods howled with laughter.
"Holy magic is deadly to demon lords." the sun goddess said, smirking.
"Kinky." Lucien groans as he sat up and coughed a puff of smoke.
"Lucien Vale," the old man bellowed, stepping forward and looming over Lucien like a bearded mountain. "This is your only chance at redemption. If you attempt to deceive us or betray our agreement, your soul will be destroyed. Utterly and completely. Is that clear?"
"Crystal," Lucien replies, brushing ash from his abs. "No deception, no cheating… just… creative negotiations."