"Illusions reflect deepest desires!" The Patriarch crowed. "Who knew our murder-kitten dreamed of being an empress drowning in sycophants? Though honestly, I expected more heads on pikes..."
Gu Qingxi: "My deepest desire is NOT this!"
"Your Majesty," the eunuch simpered, "Will you grace the city with another imperial inspection? Witness the prosperity you wrought?"
"Inspection?" She did this often?
"To bask in your subjects' adoration! To hear hymns of your—"
"No." Gu Qingxi cut him off. Alarming. The eunuch's worship seemed genuine. What twisted hallucination is this?
Unbeknownst to her:
While others fought skeleton brothels or died of hubris...
...Gu Qingxi strolled through palace gardens under silk parasols.
...attended by servants offering chilled melon and praise.
"Is Your Majesty overheated? Peckish? Thirsty?" the eunuch fretted.
This isn't a trial. It's a cosmic joke. She braced for the inevitable trap.
Then, in the rose garden:
Xu Baozhu.
Reclining on a divan. Being fed grapes. Kneaded by maids. Surrounded by snack mountains.
"Your Majesty!" The eunuch whispered. "Consort Xu! Shall we approach?"
Gu Qingxi: "Consort?! Since when is my harem female?! Who designed this fever dream?!
"Qingxi!" Baozhu scrambled up, crumbs flying. "You're the EMPRESS?!"
"BOLD! KNEEL BEFORE—" the eunuch shrieked.
"Scram." Gu Qingxi's glare sent him cowering. This eunuch runs the palace, doesn't he?
"Why am I your consort?!" Baozhu whispered. "Are you secretly a man?!"
"NO." Pinch-worthy cheeks. Must resist.
"Then why—?"
"Our cultivation's sealed," Gu Qingxi realized. "They want mortals to pass this... whatever this is."
"The exit, Your Majesty?" The eunuch piped up helpfully. "Why, it's in your bedchamber!"
Gu Qingxi & Baozhu: ...
NPC. CHEAT CODES. ACTIVATED.
They followed him, slack-jawed, to the imperial suite—
—where Sword Girl stood guard.
In full palace livery.
Gaping at the Empress-Consort duo.
"TREASON! Seize the insolent wretch!" the eunuch commanded. Guards hauled her off as she screamed about her "martial supremacy."
"She did crave being Number One," Gu Qingxi mused. Fitting.
The eunuch gestured to a glowing door. "Exit! Consort Xu may accompany you. Congratulations!"
They stepped through—
—into the stunned gaze of the trial proctor.
"C-congratulations?" he stammered. "You... passed?"
Gu Qingxi glanced back. The eunuch beamed, waving farewell. Why?! Her face wasn't THAT special!
"Yesss!" Baozhu hugged her arm. "I knew it! Basking in your glow gets me free snacks and passes!"
Meanwhile, in the Sect's Grand Hall...
Silence.
Thick. Disbelieving.
Before the massive obsidian scrying mirror, Sect Master, Peak Lords, and core disciples stared at the scene:
Empress Gu
Consort Xu
Helpful Plot Device Eunuch
"They..." The Violet Bamboo Peak Lord choked. "...won. By being served melon slices?"
Zhuo Jingfeng beamed. His Little Shimei! Even trials bow before her!