Piloting a starship is completely different from riding one through a Gate. I still remember my first jump. That suffocating pressure and dizzying disorientation, like half your body was flipped upside down while the other stayed put. Unpleasant, sure, but manageable. When you Pilot a starship, you become the starship, smushed together by the same power the Gate uses to propel you across tens of light years in under a minute, not that it felt that short.
When you're in that state, it's like you're a single, minuscule speck as you watch hyperspace bend and warp around you in ways normal space-time never could. Well, not watch per se, sense would be more accurate since you have no sight in that state. Or any of your other normal senses for that matter.
The worst part is the terror you feel. It's hard to describe, but there are monsters in hyperspace. Maybe not an actual living being, but there is something in hyperspace that will kill you if you're not careful. It sneaks up on you completely undetected, and without a developed enough Sixth Sense you'll die without a doubt. For those few minutes in hyperspace, you are a tiny little speck playing cat and mouse an invisible formless predator. Trained Pilots rarely get caught, but it's still stressful.
A stress that is in no way relieved by the Impossible Star's presence. When you're on a planet, you might know, logically, that it's there, right above the horizon to your right. Always, right above the horizon and to your right. No matter how far you travel or which planet you're on.
You might know that, but it never forces you to focus on it. During the day it's not visible at all, and although it can sometimes be a little disorienting to have it move around the sky any time you lose sight of it, it's just a single star among thousands glittering in the night sky. Even in deep space when it is always visible outside your ship, you barely notice it. Because even if it is always present, it's just as far away as any other star.
In hyperspace it's right over your shoulder. A burning ball of psionic energy, a literal star, and your back is pressed against its surface. You don't even have a back, shoulders, or a field of view limited to a mere two hundred degrees, but somehow it's still right behind you. Watching you as you scurry through the Gates it maintains. Like traveling through the veins of a god.
And then, without warning, you're back in your own body. Back in your own body and with a killer headache.
Jai's eyes blinked open then quickly shut again. The sounds of the bridge were too much for her newly returned senses. Everything was far too bright, far too loud, and she was still strapped into the Pilot's coffin. It would have helped to at least be able to solve that last issue, but it was all too easy for a Pilot to hit a release mechanism while convulsing, so Jai had to wait until someone else was free to remove her restraints.
Slowly, her senses recovered to the point that they were usable, allowing the sharp voice of Captain Ventralis to cut through the static. Although Jai didn't make out what the taciturn woman said, she did catch the response.
"The VI's got the route locked in. I can step back for a minute."
After that, Jai heard footsteps approaching the coffin, followed by the smiling face of co-pilot Tess Serrin peeking over the rim, whose dusty grey hair tickled Jai's nose as the older woman bent down to undo the coffin's straps.
Although her title was co-pilot, Tess was the one who actually flew the Iron Raven, and on a lesser ship, a spaceship, she would have just been called the pilot. But on a starship, Pilot was a title reserved for those rare individuals capable of communing with an ancient Velari Gate and convincing it to break the laws of physics for you. Jai was one of those individuals.
"How are you feeling Jai? That jump was a pretty long one. Greer would always feel pretty awful after taking that Gate."
Tess's voice was kind as she undid the strap on Jai's neck, and in the state she was in Jai didn't have the energy to be suspicious of it, choosing to just appreciate the concern.
"Head's a wreck. Nothing sleep won't fix." Jai flexed the fingers on her recently freed hand. "I'll be ready for the next jump in a few hours."
"That's our last jump for a bit, actually. We're pulling into the waystation and staying for a while. Got some people to pick up."
Jai had to stop herself from rolling her eyes. They'd spent the whole trip keeping her on a need-to-know basis, despite her just wanting to know how many jumps she'd be making on a given day. It was too obvious Tess was trying to placate her irritation by offering information that had lost all value the moment they entered the system. Information that wasn't even particularly informative.
Only a few moments after Jai undid the straps on her legs, Captain Ventralis shooed her away.
"Thank you, Pilot Ulrik. Your presence on the bridge is no longer required. You have at least one day before the next jump."
"Understood, captain." Jai replied with a smile that hid her dissatisfaction. "I'll make the most of the time."
Getting up, Jai walked out of the bridge, the door audibly locking when it slid closed behind her. She knew what kind of job this was, no questions answered and no trust given, but barring her from the bridge unless she was jumping? That still stung. She was a real Pilot, damn it! That should mean something.
But what could she do? Even if it was a little upsetting, working here sure beat the alternative, even if that alternative would have come with respect and agency.
Shaking her head, Jai headed through the claustrophobic corridors towards the canteen. Although her body desperately demanded sleep, the hunger after a jump nap was overwhelming. Avoiding that was more than worth having to push through her exhaustion.