What the fuck. What the fuck just happened? What the fuck did I just do?
I watch out the window of the car as Moonsong pack land blurs away. The sun is setting, casting a pink glow over the sky. It's laughable, it's like I'm some damsel in distress being whisked away from the dragon guarded tower, my saviour carrying me off into the sunset.
Darcy laughs, and I wonder if she also sees the parallels to a fairytale? More likely she's suddenly realising what an idiot she is, laughing at her own stupidity.
"You're quickly running out of time to change your mind." I say coldly. Darcy laughs again.
"And where would be the fun in that?" She says. I glance over at her and she's grinning with an almost manic look in her eyes. I groan and sink into my seat. "You're mad, I've willingly got into the car of a madwoman."
Darcy pouts dramatically, "At least I'm not an inconsiderate fuck destined for the bottom of a river." I can't help the small laugh that I make at that. I sigh and turn back to looking out the window.
I should probably be more on edge about my safety after following a literal stranger into her car. Probably yeah, but something about her triggers such a sense of security within me. Maybe I'm the madwoman. Maybe we both are, who damages their reputation with an entire pack just to take the disappointment of said pack away? I groan again in frustration. Who lets a stranger, an admittedly gorgeous and arrogantly kind stranger, just pick them up and whisk them away to a new pack?
Darcy and I are apparently people who decide to do such mad things. My nails scrape anxiously against my skin before I freeze. Darcy could apparently tell what was happening before. How she could see what no one I've spent my entire life with never once noticed, I'm not sure. But it unsettles me. And for some reason, it makes me pause.
This is the Alpha of the Emberheart pack, a pack with enough influence to have a city apparently, and this woman wants to bring me to an allegedly better life. Her only request so far was clear; I might as well not directly disobey her when I'm in a confined space beside her.
My body feels like it's crawling with anxiety. A tense, itchy sensation that I can't ignore. I trace patterns with my finger on my jeans. Spirals, then zigzags, I try to give this action all my attention, try to ignore the burning confusion.
At least mum finally gets me out of her life, Sarah won't have to deal with my constant negativity. I'm sure everyone is embarrassed, but I saw the looks in their eyes when I fell. I'm an inconvenience at best. And now I'm gone.
I feel tears well up in my eyes, I want to curl into a ball and sob. I've known I'm useless for a long time, but something about the dining hall feels like a dagger being torn through my chest. It doesn't feel reasonable that when someone yells at me for falling, the only person who seems to want to help is a complete stranger.
It's a strange, new pain to realise that everything I believed about myself was right. I just could never be enough. I don't understand how this strange woman decided I'm worth any of her time. She saw me, I showed her. At the river I didn't bite my tongue or pitch my voice high with a fake smile. I was grumpy and bitchy and I fucking yelled at her about how shit my life is, and yet she saw me today and it looked like I just made her entire day better. It just doesn't make sense.
I take a shaky breath, it feels like no matter how deep I try to breathe I'm suffocating anyway. I stare intently at my legs as I continue to trace patterns. Wavy lines. Straight lines. Dots. Why can't I get air? I'm breathing, I'm definitely getting air, but I can't feel it. Darcy says something, but I'm not sure what. I don't want to look up, I don't want to ask her what she said. I want air. Why can I not get air?
"Anne." Darcy's deep voice reaches my brain this time, the alpha presence in it snapping me into focus. I look at her, refusing to acknowledge the tears falling. I can see her gripping the steering wheel tightly.
"You're safe now, ok?" She says with her stupidly soft voice. I scoff. "I wasn't unsafe before." I snap. She gives me a quick unreadable look.
"There's orange juice in that bag at your feet. Try to drink some, you didn't even get the chance for lunch." Darcy speaks with what almost sounds like concern. I reach into the bag, "I don't really like fruit juices," I say quietly, "they're weirdly textured, it makes me nauseous."
Darcy starts to say something when I find the bottles of juice. Oh. She must've taken these from my fridge, how did she pick the one drink in the fridge that I actually like? I don't really care right now because suddenly I'm so thirsty. I smile, "You found the one juice I actually like." I cut off whatever she was trying to say. "Thanks."
I take a sip, and then another. Things feel a bit better after I drink most of it. Things are fucking weird, but maybe they'll be more weird than awful in this pack. Or maybe not. But the pink sky is pretty, and I'll watch the horizon as the sun sets and the stars slowly blink into the sky.