Pfft!
That spit-take nearly made Coulson drop the folder he was handing over.
"Dante, what's wrong? Are you alright?"
"Shouldn't you be asking me if I'm okay?" Loki said flatly, drenched in carbonated soda. After a long, silent pause, he finally forced a smile and waved a hand—magic instantly cleaning him head to toe.
Dante turned his full attention back to the personnel files Coulson had given him.
He needed to double-check that he wasn't hallucinating.
But no—there it was again, crystal clear.
Born in Central City. Father imprisoned for murdering his mother. Grew up trying to prove his father's innocence. Joined Central City Police as a forensic tech. Later discovered and recruited by the FBI.
All signs pointed to the same guy.
Barry Allen.
The Barry Allen. From the CW show. Confirmed.
Except… this version didn't have his powers yet. No lightning bolt, no Speed Force, no scarlet suit. Just a regular 22-year-old crime scene nerd with solid credentials and tragic backstory.
Which only made Dante stare even harder at Coulson.
Was this guy's luck stat maxed out at birth?
And the Federal Bureau of Investigation… Maybe it really was what S.H.I.E.L.D. was always pretending to be in the comics. With all these deep-shelved future supers and villains hiding in plain sight—who knew how many were still tucked away?
Dante flipped to the next file.
The first thing that jumped out was the smug, playboy face of a man who looked like he walked out of a cologne commercial.
Oliver Queen.
Goddamn.
Star City's billionaire heir. Went sailing with his dad and his girlfriend's sister, crashed on a mysterious island called "Purgatory" in the southern seas, trained like hell, survived nonstop trauma and evil schemes, then returned five years later as a hooded vigilante known as Green Arrow.
He'd already joined the Bureau as a Level 4 Agent, under the condition that the Queen Group became an official partner and agents were assigned to protect his mother and sister.
All Dante could say was—
"Holy sh*t."
Barry was one thing. Speed Force hadn't happened yet, so he was still basically a quirky lab guy with great hair.
But Green Arrow? That dude was ready. Already trained, already operating.
And on paper? Green Arrow's physical abilities weren't far off from Batman's. In a lot of ways, he was Batman Lite—but with better aim and worse PR.
Key differences: less billionaire armor, more emotional baggage. Way too many entanglements. But that also made him feel… more human than Batman.
"Where the hell did you find all these legendary pulls? Why have I never heard about them? Is Fury just hoarding superheroes like Pokémon cards?"
"Actually," Coulson said, finally looking a little smug, "they were all part of my original Star Team screening list. But Director Fury rejected them all. Once I got clearance to build my own unit? I picked them back up with a smile."
Dante stared at him.
"Agent Coulson, I'm dead serious—you should be Director. Just your talent for pulling elite cards already makes you better than Fury. I mean, what can his one eye even see?"
"But I was discovered and promoted by Director Fury."
Coulson smiled, shaking his head and changing the subject by gesturing at the next file.
Dante didn't push the point. He opened the final folder.
Wade Wilson?
Wait, isn't that Ryan Reynolds in the photo?
What's next—Doctor Strange?
But no, seriously. Ryan Reynolds aside, this file was wild.
Wade Wilson. Only eighteen years old. Graduated early from the old FBI Academy with top marks. Before dropping out of Midtown High, he'd been besties with Peter Parker.
When the Academy was infiltrated by HYDRA, Wade went deep undercover, took out multiple HYDRA leaders, and personally returned with a truckload of intel.
As a result? He got a direct promotion to Level 4. Codename: Deadpool.
He didn't have his signature healing factor yet, but all his other combat skills were sharper and more refined than comic/movie Deadpool. And his brain?
Yup. Completely unhinged.
Certified chaos gremlin.
According to the file, he never took any of the FBI's internal assessments seriously. Deliberately flunked the written stuff. Otherwise, someone like Grant Ward wouldn't even be close to his level—let alone ranked above him, behind only Black Widow.
Oh, and one last detail: Wade volunteered to join Coulson's team.
After closing the file on Wade "Deadpool" Wilson, Dante finally had a full picture of what Coulson had built.
Grant Ward.
"Green Arrow" Oliver Queen.
"Deadpool" Wade Wilson.
And soon—Steve Rogers, the OG super soldier, frozen in a block of patriotic ice.
That squad was stacked. Not Avengers-tier, maybe, but damn close. Unless they were fighting Thor or Hela directly, they could definitely handle Loki with some smart gear and decent coordination.
But with that roster…
Grant Ward—aka that undercover HYDRA snake—what was he still doing on this team?
Even if he wasn't going to blow anything up yet, he was still a ticking time bomb.
"Are these all the members?" Dante asked, setting the files down.
"That's right. Once Captain Steve Rogers is defrosted and operational, my team's complete."
"Need some advice?"
"Always."
"You've got too many volatile types. You need someone with authority and experience to anchor them," Dante said, pointing at the files for Skye, Oliver, and Wade. "You're good, but you're too soft-spoken. Not exactly a fearsome legend."
He paused.
"Oh, right—I saw in one of the older files that there's a senior Agent in Internal Affairs. Retired from field duty."
"You mean…"
"Yup. Melinda May. AKA 'The Cavalry.'"
Dante recommended the final piece of the puzzle.
"I saw in the logs that she used to be your partner. With that connection, you can definitely convince her to un-retire."
The real reason? Besides the fact that Coulson's team really needed a stabilizing force…
Dante also needed someone to fill Grant Ward's vacancy.
That's right—he was already planning to arrange a "graceful exit" for Ward after this mission.
(To be continued.)